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Original poster

Is this a dealbreaker? Boyfriend met my mum and it was a disaster

275 replies

DownAndOut1 · 28/09/2018 11:44

Could do with some perspective here please. Been with my boyfriend three months, we are both early thirties. He introduced me to his family quite early on and when I met them I brought flowers for his Mum and was polite etc.

He’s been really keen to meet my parents and so I arranged for him to meet my mum yesterday. He’s been saying he’s really excited etc and to be honest, out of both of us he’s been the one who’s been pushing our relationship along and wanting to meet each other’s family and friends.

He came round to mine yesterday evening straight from work, my mum was here waiting to meet him. He has a manual job and turned up in his work clothes, filthy, covered in dust and hadn’t shaved. He looked a mess. He hadn’t brought anything for my Mum and was quite cocky the whole evening. This is a man who takes a lot of pride in his appearance usually so I have no idea what he was playing at.

I asked him about it this morning and he said he was keen to come round and meet her and spend as much time with us as possible, instead of going home first and making himself presentable. He keeps saying how much he likes my mum and he’s so pleased he’s met her.

I’m seriously considering ending things as I think he was so disrespectful. Is that petty? I just feel sad that he didn’t think he needed to make any effort.

OP posts:
Johnnyfinland · 29/09/2018 13:00

He sounds like he was a wrong’un for sure the more you told us about him, however, if someone id been seeing for three months ended it by text then blocked me immediately, I think I’d probably fly off the handle as well. You could have at least called him!

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 29/09/2018 13:21

Well, he was never going to be happy about being dumped especially after that power display. He just said whatever popped into his head to upset you. Good riddance.

CottonTailRabbit · 29/09/2018 13:27

You'd already told him face to face that his behaviour was out of order and all he did was tell you to stop being a silly girl. A text was fine at that point.

That email tells you everything you need to know about him. I mean if he was sorry he had behaved like an utter twonk you'd expect some apology. Not him, you are a control freak for wanting to join in conversations, for not liking him wandering round your house in a towel in front of your mum on first meeting.

You know what he's really mad about don't you? He was planning to move out of his mum's and into yours by stealth over the next few weeks. You've messed up his plan with your high personal standards!

LeftRightCentre · 29/09/2018 13:33

'However, if someone id been seeing for three months ended it by text then blocked me immediately, I think I’d probably fly off the handle as well. You could have at least called him!'

You have serious anger issues. No one owes you a phone call after 3 months. Or anything, really. It's always best to finish with a controlling wanker by text or message so you avoid giving them further chance to manipulate you.

You've had a narrow escape, OP. He was planning what Cotton said, he's a controlling, entitled wanker.

Next time anyone pushes like this, just dump and block.

Some people have standards so low a flea could limbo under them. And they wind up in the relationships board stuck with some utter twat now they have kids with him.

DreamsofJacaranda · 29/09/2018 13:39

You’ve had a lucky escape! He sounds dreadful. Be thankful you didn’t waste more than 3 months with him.

MulticolourMophead · 29/09/2018 13:41

I don't agree that OP should have called to end it. Calling would just have exposed her to verbal abuse, because someone giving these kind of dominance displays would never react politely to being dumped.

golddustwomen · 29/09/2018 13:44

I wouldn't be arsed if my boyfriend didn't buy my mum flowers when he met her, in fact my partner didn't, and it never even crossed my mind that he should!
Also the work clothes wouldn't bother me, he could be a total bum who doesn't work who's planning on living an easy life off your money !
What I would be arsed about is the cockiness. Total disrespect.

golddustwomen · 29/09/2018 13:46

Oh wow I've just read the whole thread! I did think you were being a tad dramatic but wow you've dodged a bullet here!!

Must stop commenting before I've read everything Blush

Newchapterstarting · 29/09/2018 13:53

Take it from me, run for the bloody hills girl, he's a wrong 'un!

DesertSky · 29/09/2018 13:53

Well done OP, good riddance. Note for future - don’t let potential partners leave ‘lounging tracksuits’ at yours - it sets a bad precedent.

Newchapterstarting · 29/09/2018 13:55

Just read a bit more and seen that you've ditched him, sounds like its for the best, you've had a lucky escape xx

Johnnyfinland · 29/09/2018 13:57

I don’t think it’s ‘serious anger issues’ to expect a bit of courtesy from someone you’ve been seeing for three months! It’s not like it was a one night stand. I completely disagree that ‘you don’t owe anyone anything’ after three months, that’s long enough to merit a face to face discussion. I’d think someone who blocked and dumped me by text after actual dating was an absolute wanker. He sounds incredibly disrespectful for the cockiness though and weird for wanting to push the relationship to meet families so fast so you were right to end it but

LeftRightCentre · 29/09/2018 14:10

Oh, please! Are you one of those weirdos who considers everyone you date a 'partner' after 5 minutes? They don't owe a bean after three months, the dating equivalent of 5 minutes, and if they dump you by text and block then you need to seriously examine your behaviour because people do that for very good reason, such as in the OPs case where the boyfriend is a dismissive, minimising, manipulative cock.

Johnnyfinland · 29/09/2018 14:16

No i don’t think someone is a partner after 5 minutes or even three months and I haven’t ever been dumped by text and blocked because I tend to date people who have a bit more basic respect than that. It’s rude, plain and simple, it’s on a level with ghosting

Gemini69 · 29/09/2018 14:53

Johnnyfinland

there was NO respect from Him during the relationship.. hence he got NONE in return on being dumped... She did the right thing.. for Her Flowers

GreenTulips · 29/09/2018 14:58

I tend to date people who have a bit more basic respect than that. It’s rude

Reap what you sow

She did the right thing - his email proves that

twilightsaga · 29/09/2018 14:59

Wow I feel bad for him 😂 surely if he is cocky and arrogant as a person you'd know that by now after 3 months?

ConkerTriumphant · 29/09/2018 15:02

@twilightsaga well he’s single now, so feel free to be his shoulder to cry on!

twilightsaga · 29/09/2018 15:11

@ConkerTriumphant no thanks conk. I'm not desperate

beanaseireann · 29/09/2018 15:15

If dh had turned up in a track suit to go to a restaurant with my Mum and I, he'd never had made dh Smile

WellThisIsShit · 29/09/2018 15:55

Well dumping by text isn’t the perfect way no. However, there’s a reason for not doing it by phone or in person, when the ‘dumpee’ has shown that he doesn’t respect the OP and is likely to behave badly.

If the guy is a nice, normal guy and it’s just not working out for whatever reason, then absolutely, it would be unkind to just ‘bang’ severe the relationship out of the blue without a proper conversation to explain why.

But that’s not the situation here. Throughout this discussion today, the OP has gained insight into the behaviour of her ‘beau’, and really, he’s lined her up to slowly squash her self esteem and compact her world and lord it over her own home as if it was his.

He’s behaved quite unpleasantly, and under these circumstance, why should the OP put herself right in the way of the reaction that would be mean and vindictive?

Controlling people don’t react well when their control is taken away. You don’t deliberately sit around and let them take out their anger on you afterwards, because their rage is mean and disproportionate ...

So, well done OP you did well Flowers

HollowTalk · 29/09/2018 16:00

He sent me an email basically calling me a bully, messed up, a nasty piece of work and a control freak.

If you are that because you didn't like him coming to meet your mum when he was filthy, going out to dinner with you both in his old track suit, talking about himself constantly, looking bored when anyone else spoke and running around in his towel, then we are all guilty of it.

I think you had a cocklodger in the making there, OP. He's mentally moved in to your home and thought he was going to have a nice life there while you were firmly put in your place.

I bet your mum is so relieved now.

SevenStones · 29/09/2018 16:13

I read the first page of the thread, and would have suggested that it was possible red flag behaviour.

If a boyfriend of three months had wanted to go out to dinner with me and my mum, then I would have been impressed if he'd brought her flowers (but not unimpressed if he hadn't), but would have been distinctly unimpressed with the coming round to my house dirty after work and having a shower when he had his own place and several hours to carry out his ablutions before the meal out.

Glad you got out early OP otherwise this might have been a 2028 thread about how to leave an abusive marriage with three children in tow.

LizzieSiddal · 29/09/2018 16:55

I’ve just read the whole thread and am so pleased you finished with him. He sounds awful and disrespectful and his email to you shows that he is a bully.

You’re instincts were spot on!Flowers

OhFlipMama · 29/09/2018 17:21

He's a manual worker who gets dirty, my parents wouldn't have taken his appearance, after work, into account AT ALL. Quite simple really, next time, meet at a restaurant/pub, dress nicely and continue from there.

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