Is this a dealbreaker? Boyfriend met my mum and it was a disaster

[DownAndOut1]

Could do with some perspective here please. Been with my boyfriend three months, we are both early thirties. He introduced me to his family quite early on and when I met them I brought flowers for his Mum and was polite etc.

He’s been really keen to meet my parents and so I arranged for him to meet my mum yesterday. He’s been saying he’s really excited etc and to be honest, out of both of us he’s been the one who’s been pushing our relationship along and wanting to meet each other’s family and friends.

He came round to mine yesterday evening straight from work, my mum was here waiting to meet him. He has a manual job and turned up in his work clothes, filthy, covered in dust and hadn’t shaved. He looked a mess. He hadn’t brought anything for my Mum and was quite cocky the whole evening. This is a man who takes a lot of pride in his appearance usually so I have no idea what he was playing at.

I asked him about it this morning and he said he was keen to come round and meet her and spend as much time with us as possible, instead of going home first and making himself presentable. He keeps saying how much he likes my mum and he’s so pleased he’s met her.

I’m seriously considering ending things as I think he was so disrespectful. Is that petty? I just feel sad that he didn’t think he needed to make any effort.

Some people on here clearly have low standards.

You obviously don't OP. The point is he's not interested in discussing it and his whole manner was inappropriate before and after.

I agree with some of the PP and I'd be ending it too.

I'd be questioning his eagerness to be meeting family and friends after o my 3 months. That's the first flag.
Second one is telling you all about making and effort with previous girlfriends parents and then not doing so for you thereby showing disrespect to both you and your mum.
Third red flag would be the way he waltzed in and helped himself to your shower and showed your mum that he's got his feet so far under the table before even meeting her, that he feels it's his his home as much as yours and can just do what he likes.
Your gut is talking to you here. It's not just the turning up scruffy, it's the fast forwarding and pushing of boundaries that this has flagged up. I'd be dumping him as he's shown you who he is and who he is is a disrespectful entitled arse.

"After he had a shower instead of going into the bedroom to change in private he started strolling round my house with just a towel round him for ages. "

And you summed that up in your OP as "acting a bit cocky."

As far as the telling you what a big effort he made with previous girlfriends goes, well, you only have his word for that. Sounds to me as though that's him setting you up for crushing your self esteem! Of course you're bound to wonder why you don't warrant the same consideration, who wouldn't. The subtle message here is, "You are worth less".

Oh my goodness OP, you have had a lucky escape. Well done, even in your vulnerable grieving state you have done what I didn’t manage to do with a previous boyfriend - I let him shout down my concerns and ended up being a doormat for 2 years, I cringe at how foolish I was.

This man has his eye on your home and his behaviour was exactly designed to state to your Mum that he was at home, basically thumbing his nose to assert dominance. Bin him. Now.

just saw cokiness was all out towel wrap swagger. ...the only way is ...dumped . www.youtube.com/results?search_query=another+one+bites+the+dust

Best thread in ages. and hooray to OP for being very sensible.

Hope you have a lovely time with your mum.

(She sounds fab, BTW - any mum who makes such an effort to like and be nice about her DD's new man, despite grieving & him being a selfish dick will make a lovely MIL, I think. He doesn't deserve her...or you.)

What an arse!! You are definitely doing the right thing! Who strolls around in a towel when meeting ANYONE for the first time, let alone your new girlfriend's mother?!

If you hadn't said he was in his early 30s I'd think it was my ex! He met my whole family after 3 weeks by just turning up at my house when they were visiting! (He was also in a tracksuit but I excused it at the time by saying it was a "nice one" )

By the way, op, none of what you added was a drip-feed. You actually provided lots of details probably unwittingly.

Eg ‘he has a tracksuit for changing into .. but we mostly go out to do stuff.’ Any chance he moans a bit about that and suggests you both stay in on the (your) sofa watching the (your) telly?

Your gut discomfort made you post initially; the fuller picture just uncovers all the little signs that he’s a cocklodger-in-training.

Sorry for your loss, and I wish you and your Mum well.

Well done OP for ending it. Good luck.

I’m torn.
I never took a gift when meeting boyfriends parents. Is this a thing? I also had one occasion when I met a boyfriends family when I was in uni straight after an anatomy class covered in cadaver embalming stink (the class finished 5pm on a Friday of all things and after hours working on bodies the smell was so bad you usually had half the bus clear a huge zone around you on the way home). Forget the particulars but whatever they had organised I had to go straight from class. Must have been fun for them .

The tracksuit is odd though. If he knew that you had booked and we’re all going out to dinner I would think he could have organised something better than a tracksuit. If coming straight from work he should have taken clothes to work and brought them to change into rather than the trakkie. Very odd.

I can't believe how many people seem to think that washing off work dust and sweat before meeting someone - anyone! - constitutes "special effort", particularly for a man who is known to prefer to dress nicely before going anywhere. If getting clean is a special effort for a bloke I'd kind of worry about his standards (even XH used to shower daily until we were married - and monthly thereafter, but that's another story...). But if he's naturally a clean and tidy type why is he making a point of not being so on this occasion? I really can't see any explanation other than the one most posters have seized on: that he is deliberately being a scruff as some sort of statement, or test.

God, run for your life. I'm so sorry you lost your dad. I hate to say it but I bet he wouldn't have done all that if your dad had been there. He's showing you and your mum exactly how little respect he has for you both and actually I think that disrespect extends to all women.

I think buying gifts is a bit ott

By the way, op, none of what you added was a drip-feed

I would say going from "he acted quite cocky the whole night" to "he strolled round my house with just a towel round him for ages" counts as a drip-feed!

Yes, I didn't think the OP meant literally cocky, as in peacocking about the house clad only in a towel, in front of a woman he's been begging to meet.

I think buying gifts is a bit ott

I agree to an extent. But all the other behaviours were unacceptable.

Maybe he's so used to trampling all over his own mother he didn't see it as anything unusual to treat the OP's mother without any respect either.

I'm late to this thread OP, so delighted to read your latest posts that you intend to dump this loser. You deserve so much better. Even before I'd read your updates, just hearing that he went to dinner in a tracksuit that he usually only wears to lounge around the house in made me think LTB! Thankfully it's only been a few months, you'll get over him quickly and you're well rid.

Sincere condolences on the loss of your dad

I seriously hope, after your last update, that you have dumped his ass @DownAndOut1

What kind of prick walks about in front of your DM in a towel when he has only just met her???

What kind of prick walks about in front of your DM in a towel when he has only just met her???

Yeah, it's almost too outrageous. If it's true, then ditching this guy is one of the easiest decisions of your life, OP. It's so ridiculous that it made me think maybe this whole thread is made up! But if not, get rid – easy choice.

I wouldn't have thought anything of it if my bf did this 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Dump and run!

Did he stay over last night then? It is quite strange to pass his own house, come to yours and shower, parade around half naked, go for dinner, then go home.

I'm assuming he went home, since your mum is staying for a few days?

I'd be ticked off tbh...but I'm not that tolerate. 3 months isnt that long...I'd cut him loose.

If he can't be bothered to make an effort t this early stage and is in a tracksuit for a meal out with my mum...yeah he'd be history.

He did many wear the tracksuit to dinner. But the towel in front of the mum is quite something.