Is this a dealbreaker? Boyfriend met my mum and it was a disaster

[DownAndOut1]

Could do with some perspective here please. Been with my boyfriend three months, we are both early thirties. He introduced me to his family quite early on and when I met them I brought flowers for his Mum and was polite etc.

He’s been really keen to meet my parents and so I arranged for him to meet my mum yesterday. He’s been saying he’s really excited etc and to be honest, out of both of us he’s been the one who’s been pushing our relationship along and wanting to meet each other’s family and friends.

He came round to mine yesterday evening straight from work, my mum was here waiting to meet him. He has a manual job and turned up in his work clothes, filthy, covered in dust and hadn’t shaved. He looked a mess. He hadn’t brought anything for my Mum and was quite cocky the whole evening. This is a man who takes a lot of pride in his appearance usually so I have no idea what he was playing at.

I asked him about it this morning and he said he was keen to come round and meet her and spend as much time with us as possible, instead of going home first and making himself presentable. He keeps saying how much he likes my mum and he’s so pleased he’s met her.

I’m seriously considering ending things as I think he was so disrespectful. Is that petty? I just feel sad that he didn’t think he needed to make any effort.

He’s usually very complimentary but he can be critical on occasion. Nothing too awful or comparing me to other women, just the odd comment that makes me think ‘ouch that was a bit harsh.’

AFTER THREE MONTHS?

This - and all the posts you've written about him - means that he IS pissing all over you, your poor bereaved mother and showing you what he is and what he thinks of you

Basically YOU don't matter to him
Your mum doesn't matter to him

This is a relationship that is going to destroy you darling, and it will hurt your mum too.

ALL your insticts are telling you that this is off, because it is.

You need to end it, the sooner the better.

This is how you get into an abusive relationship.

He behaves like a tit. You are cross. Other people present say you are right to be cross. He says he was justified and you are being silly and over sensitive.

Women who don't end up in abusive relationships dump him. They don't care that he whines and shouts and says you are ridiculous for dumping him. Well, actually they usually just dump on vague "not feeling like this relationship is right for me" grounds and block him so they don't have to hear his whines.

When you start letting him decide what you are allowed to be pissed off about then you are fucked.

Glad to hear you are listening to your gut and are dumping the rude manchild.

He doesn't sound good at all. From his other comments it's clear he doesn't value or your mum. Dump him, ideally over the text so he doesn't talk you round in person.

As a mother, i would be seriously pissed off with the BF if he came into my DD home and treated it like his own.

This was the first time of meeting your mother, he was coming in to YOUR domain, he should have been respectable to both YOU and HER. He certainly shouldnt have gone and had a shower like he owned the place. Wouldn't surprise me if you said that he came in made a cuppa, offered her something like she had come into HIS domain.

What you should have done (hindsight is such a good thing) was let him say hello to your mother, lovely to meet her etc then said to him along the lines of, "we'll see you in an hour or so when we get back from home after showering and changing."

Don't like cheeky fuckery of anyone and as a mother of a DD i wouldn't be happy with him.

I hope you enjoy the rest of the visit with your mum. Don't waste any more time on him, just have some nice family time with someone who really does care about you. 💐

I think he's a dickhead and has no respect for you really.
I also think he's playing 'subtle' mind games to see what kind of shit you'll put up with.
This is the kind of manipulative bullshit that abusive men come out
with when they're 'testing' their potential prey/victim.

out of both of us he’s been the one who’s been pushing our relationship along and wanting to meet each other’s family and friends.....He’s really pushing for me, my mum and his parents to go for dinner next week now. He thinks it’s important they all meet....he has been harping on about doing it for previous girlfriends mums and how he has always made a real effort
So he starts by 'love bombing' and kind of 'future faking' you and ignores your feelings about taking it at a more normal pace

Then he simultaneously disrespects both you and your mum with his egotistical and rude behaviour in your own home. It's basic respect and common courtesy to appear presentable when meeting parents/possible future in-laws for the first time.

I do feel a bit like he walks all over me sometimes
He's done a lot of it in just this one situation already.
I don't like how he's controlled the whole pace of things from the start and assumed a level of familiarity with you and your mum without having made any real effort or 'earned' it.

I'd tell him how disgusted i was with his attitude and behaviour....and then dump him.

No, you haven't been a fool at all OP. Your gut told you something was 'off'. You said this right at the beginning and you were right. ALWAYS listen to your gut!

You wouldn't be posting your questions on here if you were a fool.

Made an effort to meet your mum? Why should he? He has a job and shows interest in meeting your family and friends. I think your mum and yourself are being very unreasonable

No love, you are not a fool, he is an extremelly skilled manipulator

You are actually VERY astute because in only 3 months you HAVE noticed his harsh comments and seen things that you are not comfortable with

The ONE thing that you need to work on is your confidence in your intuition!

I had someone like this in my life - took 10 years from me and did untold damage - you spotted this months in and are going to do something about it. Well done you - you are a more clever woman than I was!!

myfatarse Bang on the money, he DID make himself a drink then offered my Mum one

After he had a shower instead of going into the bedroom to change in private he started strolling round my house with just a towel round him for ages. That’s part of the cockiness I alluded to earlier.

I am going to text him to tell him it’s over. Enough is enough now.

Have we got the MRA lot in again?

We have a procedure at work in place where by we all report "near miss incidents" however incidentle

We have learnt that if somethings goes bad, there have usually been numerous "near misses" (ie someone falling down stairs, near miss is someone tripping but not falling) The near miss reports get acted on immediatly so not to cause the bed stuff.

Life is usually like this, his showing you/acting the way he is, is his near misses, don't ignore, act on them and dump his sorry arse!

Oh god! he did what? that is SO inappropriate! He absolutely was showing your mum that she was on the outside!

Mark my words love, he'd have broken your relationship with her. he'd have devastated your friendships

@downandout1 who in their right mind would do that and WHY?????

Wow...your last update! That kind of arrogance would put me off completely...true colours shining through right now..

Don't get involved with the inevitable "Why????s' just say you have only been seeing him a short while and it wasn't going to go anywhere so better to end it now than waste any more of anyone's time.

then block him

myfatarse Bang on the money, he DID make himself a drink then offered my Mum one grin

After he had a shower instead of going into the bedroom to change in private he started strolling round my house with just a towel round him for ages. That’s part of the cockiness I alluded to earlier.

he IS a Dick OP..

I am going to text him to tell him it’s over. Enough is enough now.

best news today Enjoy your time with your lovely Mum

WHAT A BERK!!!!!!!

OP, enjoy your time with your Mum. And I'm happy to hear you're getting rid of the arrogant waste of space.
Walking round in one of your towels in your house in front of your mum.....making himself a drink.......Jeez.......
I think you'll probably find your mum didn't like him at all and was of the same opinion as most of us on here.

Just read all of this.

At the beginning I would have said maybe give him a chance but as unread further down it just started to sound rather odd...

I think you're making the right decision OP. Something's not quite right with that one.

How did the message go?

Prick.

My partner had his hair cut especially to meet the Family came round with flowers and was the most smartest dressed I've seen him. He was nervous but was very polite.

I think he is weird and doesn't make sense.

What a knob! Keep us updated on the dumping

I'd trust your gut. You don't sound like you want that. Go with that :)

After he had a shower instead of going into the bedroom to change in private he started strolling round my house with just a towel round him for ages

I wish we had a vomit emoticon. HOW EMBARASSING!