After being celibate for a few years - this isn't going to work, is it?

[LanguidLobster]

I'm starting to feel quite cross about this, I've sort of fallen into a pre-relationship (autocorrect put prey relationship initially, yes thanks autocorrect) thing but it's making me annoyed.

I can't be bothered to do anything like shave or paint my toenails. I quite angrily put on lipbalm before I saw him last night.

He pays me compliments which I don't really like and twat aside, e.g. yesterday he said something about me looking a lot younger than I am which got my back up. I just don't need compliments.

This isn't going to work, is it? He seems really nice but if I'm getting fucked off about having to put on some lipstick and make an effort then I'm just not ready.

We haven't even got to the snog stage as yet and I might feel cross due to severe anaemia at present. He is actually a nice person and gave me some food last night, he was fretting a bit about my tiredness.

Try to give it a go? Or slink back into my cave?

You don't have to shave, paint toenails or put on makeup - whether or not you're in a relationship. Why do you think you have to?

You shouldn't force yourself to date if you really don't want to but maybe you need to try to resolve your feelings. Do you know why you're so angry about dating, are you just used to your own company, or is it previous bad experiences?

I think I'm just a bit annoyed that he's made me feel something for him.

I've only known him 9 months, he would have had plenty of opportunity to make a pass during that time but he's been quite respectful. I arrived at his yesterday and he said "take off your boots" so I did, then he said "take off your coat" which I refused as it was cold and my coat is snuggly.

Normally I do like getting groomed, for myself, but because I'm on the verge of seeing someone I'm getting a bit annoyed because it's like I'm doing it for him

I hate waiting for text responses as well.

Actually maybe I'm not ready

Why are you so angry? You sound like hard, hard work.

Let the guy go and find someone who will appreciate him.

Sitting in someone’s house with your coat on is borderline hostile if it was a friend, and odd if it’s a date.

You’re certainly not feeling it, so why carry on like this? You’re trying every trick in the book to push him away. Usually getting ready for a date is fun - sure it’s for him but also to feel like a lovely, beautiful, sexy version of yourself. If you don’t like to do that then there’s a reason for that.

God op calm down 😂😂

Poor bloke, don't take your shit out on him !

9 month’s and no snogging?

9

Whatever you’re feeling it doesn’t sound like more than grudging, intermittent tolerance. And I think, generally, these things work better if you actually like the person. Really like them. A lot.

You sound really angry and yet you know you're not angry at him. He seems really nice.

I agree with a PP - sitting with your coat on in someone's house is really hostile. Why would you do that?

I'd let this guy go and let him find someone who appreciates him.

Awww, Lobster. Maybe you're resisting taking off your coat - both physically and metaphorically - because you really don't want to be that vulnerable. Maybe the anger is a defence, who knows?

And maybe you're not ready - but only you really know that. It doesn't sound like he deserves your anger, though, so perhaps it's better to break it off, or to come clean with him about what you're feeling and why.

Op, I just think you aren’t ready for another relationship, you sound like you’re still cross with men in general.

I think I'm just a bit annoyed that he's made me feel something for him

He's not made you do anything. And if you do feel something for him; you need to get your behaviour in check or you'll lose him - which is presumably what you're worried about happening in the first place?

I feel abit sorry for him bless him.

I'm quite confused 😕 You say you're dating him but it doesn't seem like you like him at all?

Do you want a relationship, but just don't fancy him?

Maybe a good shag will improve your mood :-)

userxx Thu 27-Sep-18 15:59:54
Maybe a good shag will improve your mood :-)

You took the words straight out of my mouth!

I can't go ahead and do a shag though as I don't know if I can do another relationship and don't want to fuck up boundaries.

It's OK people, I don't have universal hatred towards men. And he's perfectly capable of going out and meeting someone, I'd be happy for him.

Sorry did this come across as we're already in a relationship? I did say pre relationship.

What does pre-relationship mean?

I think you could probably do with looking at why this is making you feel this way. He isn't making you do anything ,you feel like you SHOULD. These are not the same things.

You don't have to do anything but I understand what you mean. I don't do a lot of grooming when in a long term relationship but now that I'm dating, I feel I have to. No-one is making me feel this way except for marketing companies but I wouldn't feel confident sleeping with someone if I hadn't shaved etc. In reality, none of my exes have ever been bothered one way or the other though.

In the nicest possible way, you sound really angry OP, and, beyond an acknowledgement that the man in question is a nice person, you don't really seem to have anything positive to say about him. This isnt how a new relationship looks or feels like.

Along with others, I have no understanding of the term pre-relationship. You are either in a relationship or not. It sounds like you are not. I don't know what your issues are, but I honestly think you should work on those before you work on a relationship, with this man or any other.

OP do you like him, as a person?

Do you have fun together?

Do you think you'd enjoy snogging him?

Does he show any sign of wanting to snog you?

It sounds like you like him as more than friends and you're angry that you've let yourself fall for someone

QuaterMiss it just feels like we're heading towards a relationship but aren't actually in one.

I mean I do sleep on top of him on the sofa and for some godforsaken reason he feels like he needs to pay me compliments like I'm pretty which he doesn't need to. Nothing else has happened.

He'd be quite amused if he knew MN were telling me to go shag him. Anyway will prob see him later so will try to have a chat (and not catnap on top of him)

I don't think you're angry at him. You're angry because you feel society expects you to perform femininity.

Presumably he first met you when you were your normal self and didn't run in horror. If you stopped performing the femininity that you don't want to, I reckon he'd be relieved that your normal, less-prickly personality has returned.