After being celibate for a few years - this isn't going to work, is it?

[LanguidLobster]

I'm starting to feel quite cross about this, I've sort of fallen into a pre-relationship (autocorrect put prey relationship initially, yes thanks autocorrect) thing but it's making me annoyed.

I can't be bothered to do anything like shave or paint my toenails. I quite angrily put on lipbalm before I saw him last night.

He pays me compliments which I don't really like and twat aside, e.g. yesterday he said something about me looking a lot younger than I am which got my back up. I just don't need compliments.

This isn't going to work, is it? He seems really nice but if I'm getting fucked off about having to put on some lipstick and make an effort then I'm just not ready.

We haven't even got to the snog stage as yet and I might feel cross due to severe anaemia at present. He is actually a nice person and gave me some food last night, he was fretting a bit about my tiredness.

Try to give it a go? Or slink back into my cave?

Jesus you sound HARD work.
And you’re an adult? Not 17?
I feel very sorry for him, I doubt he moved which way is up,

If this was a man posting the responses would be very different.

Don’t string people along that you don’t like, you’re an adult, you know how hard life is. Just don’t do it to others. I would excuse a very young person. But you. Seriously. No

Knows which way is up!

I wouldn't have thought I was stringing him along - he moved the goalposts as he suddenly started interpreting things in an emotional sense whilst telling me he was aroused and it confused me a great deal.

Anyway all quiet on the western front, he hasn't responded to my text yesterday telling him to back off

Have you been back round to his house in the middle of the night again?

I’m really curious to know how old you are.

I also think you are testing him but he may get bored of it all and I think you’d be quite disappointed (though not admit to it).

I think you like him very much but are very scared so making up excuses for him not to like you. You remind me of me a bit. Two very serious relationships. The first I spent a night telling him how I wasn’t good for him and frightened about how I felt. He stuck around and we stayed together ten years. Second one I wrote him a letter to tell him I was no good. 17 years later we are married with kids and I have hairy legs and no make up. I forever thinking up reasons why he shouldn’t like me. He is not having any of it.

Late thirties.

Sorry the anaemia has kicked in too much the past week to be able to do anything other than skim read and surface respond, I'm just so very tired.

I do appreciate people trying to help and will respond properly once I've got a bit of energy back.

Tell him you're not interested in him romantically or sexually and mean it! Stop the cuddling etc. You're playing games with him.

And reading through some of the replies here, "fanny gallops" ha.

OP, I know you've tried before but please go back to docs and get anaemia situation properly sorted. It will make you feel so much better.

I have an hereditary condition, similar to yours, and if I don't take care of myself, I feel shocking.

You may, or may not, feel differently, once your health is sorted but at least you'll be better able to think clearly.

It doesn't sound like you're helping him out here and giving him signals you're interested in a sexual relationship.

Are you?

Well obviously he’s backed off, that’s what normal people do when they’re told someone isn’t interested
I mean what did you expect.

I fear you’re the type who thrives on drama one way or another...

Poor poor man

Have I accidentally stumbled across the script for a shit wannabe quirky romcom? Hell's teeth, surely no-one acts like this in real life?

Anyway all quiet on the western front, he hasn't responded to my text yesterday telling him to back off

You'd love him to come begging back to you by the sounds of it...you're messing with his head! If you don't fancy the guy back off and stop looking for drama.

MN can be so strange sometimes...

He's not some poor ikkle little man prey to my whims, he's his own person. I don't keep him locked in a cupboard. He changed the dynamic himself by suddenly starting to try to change it to a relationship.

I'm under no obligation to be his girlfriend or to perform or conform for him.

Anyway yes I do quite like him and want a shag but I'm trying to bow out gracefully now

*I'm under no obligation to be his girlfriend or to perform or conform for him.

Anyway yes I do quite like him and want a shag but I'm trying to bow out gracefully now*

sorry I'm with Lobster on this one!

You sound lovely @LanguidLobster

It sounds as though you're feeling vulnerable atm , you're completely right to spend time nurturing you.

You've done nothing wrong, it's just one of those things.

There's no bowing out gracefully at this point. I'm feeling a bit sorry for the poor chap. You need to tell him, definitively, there will never be anything more than friendship between you. Either of you might feel like breaking off the relationship at this point, which is fine. And although you say you like him, I'm not getting that impression, at all, from your posts.

I get the impression that the OP does fancy him but has a downer on men in general. Hence why she was expecting him to react badly to being told to back off. Whereas decent men respect women and accept that, as you put it, you're not obliged to be his girlfriend.

Also, most of us have too much pride and self-respect to beg.

So when he backs off you want to shag him... and when he shows sexual interest you get angry and push him away... you don’t know what you want and should find out before hurting others

Sorry but the imagery of you putting on lip balm forcefully is too good.

Thanks @Flyaway78

We didn't meet in a dating or friendship sense, we decided to join forces over a local issue.

We've ended up spending quite a lot of time together just chattering away, of course you end up talking about different aspects of your life. First the compliments came, I tried to ignore them. Then I suddenly got grilled one night about how I couldn't be celibate. I said it and I meant it. I do not have a boyfriend hidden away. Then I thought about it a little more after all this interrogation and said of course sometimes I want a ferocious shag. He just put his head in his hands and said he has nightmares about me (he dreams I'm a cat and run up to him then run away). I was only being honest.

My head just got really muddled this week as I started thinking I was in love then I got cross and angry at being shoehorned into being a girlfriend.

He's probably a bit hurt I've started to pull the plug but I don't have to see him for a few days now so it gives him time to regain his space. We do like each other as people and will stay in contact so it'll be fine.

Thanks for the flowers @NoMudNoLotus :)

You both sound a bit batshit tbh. I think it’s best you end your “pre relationship” or whatever it is. You don’t sound ready. I honestly think you should stop stringing him along with “sometimes I want a ferocious shag” and then “I need space”. Just tell him for God’s sake.

And going over to catnap on his chest is over stepping friendship boundaries, you’ve totally led him on in that respect.

Why have you been celibate?

It’s unlikely to change unless you take your coat off.

@KnotsInMay, just rape.

Hopefully I'll get over it in a few years but not ready to just now. Boy will be fine, he just has to not stampede me.