After being celibate for a few years - this isn't going to work, is it?

[LanguidLobster]

I'm starting to feel quite cross about this, I've sort of fallen into a pre-relationship (autocorrect put prey relationship initially, yes thanks autocorrect) thing but it's making me annoyed.

I can't be bothered to do anything like shave or paint my toenails. I quite angrily put on lipbalm before I saw him last night.

He pays me compliments which I don't really like and twat aside, e.g. yesterday he said something about me looking a lot younger than I am which got my back up. I just don't need compliments.

This isn't going to work, is it? He seems really nice but if I'm getting fucked off about having to put on some lipstick and make an effort then I'm just not ready.

We haven't even got to the snog stage as yet and I might feel cross due to severe anaemia at present. He is actually a nice person and gave me some food last night, he was fretting a bit about my tiredness.

Try to give it a go? Or slink back into my cave?

I agree with the pp who said you sound funny (in a positive "hahaha" way, not a weird way). You're also clever. I can understand why he likes you.

I've no advice other than to try to be candid and see what he's got to say about it. Easier said than done I know.

Languid just don't do the things that irritate you. Don't shave, don't put make up on. He likes you as you are, you don't have to do anything. Including of course not having to have a romantic relationship. Not all relationships have to follow some Bridget Jones type model. Not all men want a woman who performs femininity for them.

I don't think anyone else has commented on this...But I have suffered from iron deficiency anaemia on and off for years. I can't say its ever made me angry but it has made me feel absolutely terrible (anxious, very low mood, tired, very very tetchy and irritable).

Hope you're better soon

I my currently 27 weeks pregnant, extremely anaemic and a right miserable cow

I'm glad I have met fellow irritated cows! (not about the anaemia obviously)

He's had some bad news today so I'll have to try to shelve my makeup temper tantrums and hormones and just listen. Or sneak to the newsagents and buy some condoms.

You have a severe case of premature Ick! It's ok to get the ick. Listen to the ick and don't do anything you'll regret. It's all well and good us telling you to go for it but don't do it if you're not feeling it.

Blanche- are you sure you've Reddit properly?

Uh, the dreaded Ick. It's a thing.

Yes oops I did read it properly...

I don’t think your ready for a relationship. Stop wasting his time. Work on your issues if you want a relationship, otherwise just be content at being single

If you feel you've got yourself embroiled in something you're not happy to be in, it's OK to back off.

Even if he expects that this is going somewhere, it's OK for you to decide that it's not. Even if you yourself think you've "led him on". It's still up to you if you want to continue.

I've said "not happy" rather than "not ready" because I don't think you should presume that when you are ready for a relationship, you'll think that starting a relationship with this particular person will be the right thing to do.

That said, you may prefer to just shag him and see what happens.

But now I’ve read the thread, laughed at your comment about not going like the clappers, and take my snippy comment back

I don't think you are ready for a relationship with him.

You don't need to put make up on or shave or whatever to shag someone. I don't bother with make up ever and I shave when I can be bothered and I don't really care about what I wear and I've managed to shag several people and am currently in a long term relationship.

I really think if you fancied him you wouldn't be thinking this over like this - you'd have done something about it by now.
Does he want a relationship with you - because I find it incredible that you've been lying on top of him on a sofa and neither of you has initiated a kiss.

Forget it and find someone else to shag.

Yeah OP when you're lying on top of him on the sofa is there anything uncomfortable digging into your leg near his pocket??

Seriously though, he's an adult. He should be ae to read the score from here. If he still wants to see you and you want to see him without make up on and with hairy legs, he doesn't need releasing. He's a grown up

If you’d rather be at home reading a good book or your feet up watching tv and eating biscuits do it! Men are required that’s for sure!

Languid, I'm another one here who thinks you sound funny in the best kind of way. Also, you have my sympathy concerning anaemia; I've had it for years and it plays havoc with my moods and energy levels.

He did not make you have feelings for him . You made yourself have feelings .
If you want a shag do as PP have said , get to Ann Summers or Jo Divine .
You could buy him a fleshlight at the same time.
Sorted .

Presumably you have a diagnosis for the cause of your anaemia? And are getting appropriate treatment?

(Rather than being fobbed off by doctors until the point where you can barely crawl from your bed ...)

Yeah I've got some hormonal and anaemia issues going on. Am getting medical attention.

I've not responded to his last text and thought it might be a good idea not to see him tonight (I'd start getting stressed about putting on mascara!).

So I'll just leave it really as although I think he's nice and want a shag I don't feel romantic about him.

I did like catnapping on his chest though.

OP just see him without mascara and hairy. It's fine. He'll cope or he won't.

I think I know what you mean, although I haven't read the entire thread. I'm single and on occasion I've had breaks from being single and it's always so much EFFORT!! why! I'm a straight forward person, kind, good humoured, my own life, independent and not lonely on my own but would like a partner. Yet it's just never easy. I know what you mean about having to wait for texts. Really puts you on the back foot? I have put up with it in the past but if there's a next time I think I'll just say 'this isn't working for me, I am not enjoying wondering if you'll text, wondering if there'll be a fourth date, then wondering if there'll be a fifth. So tedious. If it isn't the easiest thing in the world then why bother.

You like a bo-oy, you like a boo-y! (sings in most garbledy voice)

I see the humour in your posts too. You're a lot like me 😂

I had such a garbled text conversation with him last night that it put my hormones back in their box. He's worried about something at work and we sent each other texts about it at the same time so I said 'we X texted' and he was alarmed that I'd thought he'd been rude and apologised profusely before realising that I meant cross texted and called himself an uncultured swine. It made me feel like an emotional dominatrix if he's really that worried about how he behaves around me.

I've been really lucky in that he would never make a pass unless I was traffic light green and I'm on amber. I just have to stop running off to him for cuddles now!

Thanks, it did help last night being able to chat here and I'll look up this...ick thing??

You don't feel romantic about him. You're just into him for the emotional support? Does he know all this?

Well, sort of cuddles and talking and I like the attention.

He's tried to have a conversation about it as he said he was very attracted to me and I've tried to explain to him I've been on hormonal pills which backfired and made me more 'on' than usual.

I think basically he'd like a nice girlfriend and although I'm attracted to him I don't think we're suited long term. Actually I would like to build up his confidence a bit so I'll try to be a friend but not spend as much time alone with him, it's leading to mixed messages. He'll meet a nice girl.