After being celibate for a few years - this isn't going to work, is it?

[LanguidLobster]

I'm starting to feel quite cross about this, I've sort of fallen into a pre-relationship (autocorrect put prey relationship initially, yes thanks autocorrect) thing but it's making me annoyed.

I can't be bothered to do anything like shave or paint my toenails. I quite angrily put on lipbalm before I saw him last night.

He pays me compliments which I don't really like and twat aside, e.g. yesterday he said something about me looking a lot younger than I am which got my back up. I just don't need compliments.

This isn't going to work, is it? He seems really nice but if I'm getting fucked off about having to put on some lipstick and make an effort then I'm just not ready.

We haven't even got to the snog stage as yet and I might feel cross due to severe anaemia at present. He is actually a nice person and gave me some food last night, he was fretting a bit about my tiredness.

Try to give it a go? Or slink back into my cave?

In the nicest possible way you are not stable enough for a relationship and are going to mess this man about. Get therapy and a fuck buddy if you must but don't lead him on.

@Haireverywhere that's kind of what I was thinking when I started this thread, I completely recognise I'm not stable enough.

I just need to gently start disengaging now

Well, that went out with a bang - I was having a peaceful night just sewing then he wanted to go out on the town.

It did make me realise that I was so much happier just pottering around by myself and I want to have a thorough cleanse session tonight for me, not for him. I said so, quite gently.

So game over.

Look, you're getting something out of it, no matter how much you moan, so why not admit it?

What is your agenda?

Probably best you disengage, the truth I doubt is you not being ready, it's more you just weren't into him, but liked the attention he was giving you so it made you feel good.

I suspect you were probably leading him on a bit too, sleeping on top of him, getting cuddles etc, and you're annoyed because you were having to make an effort to keep up the charade but after nine months it was shit or get off the pot.

Getting off the pot was the best idea. When you meet someone you're onto you will know.

@Blackness78 I did get something out of it, so did he, but it was starting to intrude upon my space too much and got me muddled

@Bluntness100 that's about right - I've managed to wobble upright a bit now and started to reestablish boundaries

I have anaemia

Are you taking anything for this, OP?

@Blackness78 doctor didn't really say anything about treatment, just said starkly I was anaemic so I went and bought a liquid supplement (I was hospitalised 3 months ago with severe blood loss which explains the anaemia and hormones).

Actually I feel so lucky I've escaped from this relatively unscathed, if the bloke had had a nasty streak he could have very easily have used me as a sex toy any way he wanted and scrambled my head, but he didn't.

Right, focus on my health and try to minimise any hurt feelings he has. All that happened yesterday was that he wanted to go out, I didn't, he asked me to do his shopping so I did, he called me a magic fairy then I texted him to say I needed some space and a bit of peace and quiet

The close cuddling and other non-sexual close physical intimacy you describe is generally not something platonic male-female friends do. And he's calling you cute nicknames and telling you how beautiful you are? He probably already thinks you two are in a relationship.

Since you definitely don't want to be in a relationship with him and even seem to find him annoying some of the time, you need to do more than just text him that you need some space. You need to definitively tell him you have no romantic interest in him.

There were blurred boundaries and its making you anxious so you became highly strung. Youre not into him and you enjoy being single. Thats fine

And if the idea of being in sexual relationship with a man who obviously does care for you makes you think of being "used like a sex toy" you might not be ready for a relationship just now.

It sounds as if you're just not all that into him and that's okay. So all these compliments are making you feel smothered. I've had this. An ex-boyfriend kept sending me love letters full of OTT compliments when we'd only just started going out.

I can't abide exaggeration, and I ended up feeling irritated, much like you're describing. I did fancy him, but it quite quickly wore off for me, and all the compliments and declarations of undying love just made me feel like a complete bitch when I finished with him.

By contrast, I wish my DH would compliment me more often.

I think you have strung him along and I feel
Sorry for him

I think you sound scared and asking for permission to end this “pre”relationship.

Are you Eleanor Oliphant?

Languid, I get you.
First things first, go back to the GP and ask for another blood test and get your previous results. It sounds like you could do with some more treatment. I've had anaemia and it's a bastard.
Second, I think you're a lot like me. Also celibate by choice, I am currently sporting luxuriant leg hair and you should see how pissed off I am when I have to put on a bra.
I think that unless you're getting fanny flutters from your pal then it's safe to say that you're more about the safety and security he can offer. The sleeping on him ( I totally read that like you were stretched out horizontal on him) to me makes me think that you felt safe and that has been one of the attractions of him.
He obviously likes you and I think you like him. Write him a letter telling him how you feel if that would be better than face to face. I would be worrying about sending mixed messages though so don't let that wit of yours muddy the waters iyswim.
Take it easy, eh? Carry on with your sewing and if You find yourself doing rude cross stitch of a penis (It's a thing) then you can decide whether it's his penis you want or penii in general.
I'm going to leave this here fanny flutters .You either have them or you don't but you know that.
Hope you feel better soon.

I don't know who Elianor Oliphant is!

I'm starting to take steps to end this, didn't see him at all yesterday but when he asked me to do shopping for him realised it was a tactic to see me and bit my lip and thought OK, left it on his doorstep and waited until I was firmly back at home and had taken my coat off before texting him to say it was on his step.

It'll be OK, we accidentally wandered into a non-relationship relationship for various reasons, I just need to gently disengage now.

Pre relationship? So friends then.

It's not compulsory to wear make up/paint toenails etc.

Your post is bizarre. Fuming because he pays you a compliment? Be pleased or don't but angry? Very odd

Read the book Eleanor Oliphant is fine. You will enjoy it I’m sure; I did.

I don’t know why you’d do his shopping for him! I’d do that for family, a boyfriend or a very close friend in times of great need, which I think goes for most people, so if he’s asking he sees himself as one of those to you...

Seriously just end it. You're acting strangely with him. Doing someone's shopping, leaving it on their step and texting later that it's there just isnt a normal way to behave.

Either shit or get off the pot.

Personally it's the snog that decides things for me. Fanny gallops tell you alot about how much you're attracted to someone imo.

I think you're into him, but I think you're scared. I get that. But I'm guessing he doesn't. Hope it gets resolved.

I've had radio silence since I sent him a text saying I need some peace and quiet so I'll see how it goes.

He does take me quite literally and listen intently, he was swearing too much about something once and I frowned and told him to stop then I had about a million apologies and detailed reports of how he was a reformed former swearer

It sounds like maybe you both need to loosen up. Do you think you could be testing him?