Feel so heartbroken today

[Sohardtochooseausername]

I’m away working very far from home - I’ve been away since the 11th. Home tomorrow.

Back story: stbx cheated on me twice. Second time round I’m asking him to leave but we are being amicable and living together at the moment and seeing a therapist.

The whole time I’ve been away he’s not messaged me to ask me how I’m doing or say he misses me or anything like that. Obviously I’ve Skyped every day to speak to DD but that’s been my only contact with him.

He’s been sleeping in my —our— bed while I’m away and that’s ok because he’s on a camp bed the rest of the time since I confronted him about OW.

But I wanted to check he would vacate my —our— bedroom on my return.

So I messaged him today and I asked if he had spent any time in my absence thinking about how we’re going to move forwards when I’m back.

He replied one word - yes.

So I took the bait and said, is there anything I should know? He never ducking answers a question directly. He’s a ducking liar.

He wrote that because DD has been so badly behaved while I’m away he thinks we really need a strong and stable home setting for her and he is willing to commit to building a strong family unit.

He has not authentically made me feel he loves me or wants me for so long. I can’t remember. He’s so far so selfish and self centred I can’t stand him anymore. I can feel an empty pain in my stomach thinking about all this and I think I must be heartbroken. After a week of not drinking (I’m in a country where women don’t drink) I’ve smuggled a bottle of wine into my hotel room and I’m wellying in.

I must finally have come out of denial about all this. I feel I must go home and try and get him out of the house so I can build a happy home for DD not just a fecking stable one.

I feel awful though. So sad. I think I’m going to have to get a lawyer and make it real for him.

How do I get past this stage? It’s horrible.

Whoops posted too soon again there. It might be ok for DD. I do want her to have a relationship with her dad. I don’t think her staying with him 50-50 will work. But I do want her to see him. They have fun together in short bursts.

He wants kindness and compassion from you?
WTF?
The man is seriously deluded.
He's cheating on you.
This guy is off the scale......
I think staying with your mum might be the way to go if you can't get him out.

I worry he is deluded because he is becoming mentally unwell. My sister thinks he isn’t, he just enjoys winding me up.

Either way I need to be apart from him.

Another day when I come to work and just feel like crying because he’s so awful to me. It was easier when all I wanted to do was please him, he was horrible and I’d bend over backwards to please him and stop him being horrible. Now I’m not doing that he’s really nasty and headfucky.

Our house has been on the market for 2 weeks now. Feels like much longer. We’ve had one cheeky offer which we knocked back. Now I wish we’d just accepted it so we can move on.

We had a horrible conversation today. I was worried because he hadn’t got a solicitor of his own or responded to my solicitor about the draft separation agreement she sent him.

I find it so hard that I am making his dinner and being ‘amicable’ while he sits on this agreement which could mean he holds the release of funds up when we sell this house.

I find it hard to think he might fight me and try and get more money when I have put so much more in than he has - and because he refused to marry me he has no right to ask for half of it.

I worry he will sit on the agreement and not sign it so I can’t buy my own little house. So me and DD would also be in limbo.

I find it hard that he hasn’t committed to where he will live or when he will move out. He hasn’t been straight with me or DD about this.

I try to explain he will make it all easier if he just volunteers information and is honest with DD but he gets really nasty with me, making faces and insulting me.

We then had a long text conversation and he says he has responded to my solicitor To say go ahead with the proposed agreement. He says he will make DD some promises he will keep. Then I messed some of this up by saying I didn’t believe him and where does OW fit in with his vision for the future...

We haven’t had an offer we can accept and it’s a nightmare waiting waiting waiting. I just want to be out of here.

I have a counsellor and he is nice but he isn’t fixing anything. It’s just ok to have someone to talk to once a week. What I really need is for someone to go and shake exP into behaving better.

It's a slow road but you will get there!

Thanks Randommess it is so lonely! I have good friends, an engaging job, and loving family, but then I come home to this and it’s awful.

I can’t believe it took me so long to realise what an asshole he is. I so wanted it to be different I couldn’t see what it really was.