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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I just added myself to fb chat with dh and ow

999 replies

MissMarpleMyArse · 19/09/2018 21:15

I'm fucking fuming. I posted recently
About dh's suspect WhatsApp activity. It all stopped but I have been keeping an eye on his phone. This afternoon when he went to the toilet I clicked his apps and saw messenger was open. I've just had the chance to snoop again while he's in the shower and found messages between him and our friend (we aren't that close with her. - well I'm not). Loads of sexual stuff. I just added myself to the conversation and said 'wow I don't see that coming'
I'm upstairs now. Neither of them have read it yet.

OP posts:
YeTalkShiteHen · 21/09/2018 20:25

Oh he’s a piece of work isn’t he?

You’re well rid!

Parttimewasteoftime · 21/09/2018 20:32

Jesus it always the same isn't it, do as other posters say let your Mum help with any hand overs. My heart is breaking for you be kind to yourself. Get legal advice immediately he is a true ratbag!

MilesHuntsWig · 21/09/2018 20:34

Blaming you? Classy. What an idiot. You are well shot of him. Stay strong. X

looondonn · 21/09/2018 20:37

jaysus
reading this with my mouth wide open

1)you are AMAZING
2)ignore some idiots on here
3)somw FAB people on here helped me so so much
keep posting

Groovee · 21/09/2018 20:37

Oh my goodness, he's really feeling sorry for himself! Nothing about the hurt he's caused his family.

You are doing a sterling job. You'll possibly get angry and you have a right to. Definitely get that legal advice.

HerRoyalFattyness · 21/09/2018 20:41

Wow. So its your fault hes a cheating, lying sneaky scumbag? Super. Hmm

DunkandEggAgain · 21/09/2018 20:46

He knows he's spectacularly cocked up but he's taking it out on you as that's preferable to him being angry at himself.

MissMarplesKnitting · 21/09/2018 20:47

Yup. He's flailing and lashing out because he KNOWS damn well he was in the wrong and it's easier to deflect that onto you than admit it to himself.

What a total cockwomble.

ohfourfoxache · 21/09/2018 20:48

Beyond detestable Angry

He would be a cunt, but he lacks the depth and warmth

cranberryx · 21/09/2018 20:52

Bloody hell. He sounds like a right piece of work. Blaming you for his affair?

Regardless of if it was a "fantasy" or not, he has very clearly been having an affair. Physical. Emotional. Sexual. It doesn't matter.

What a disgusting rat bag.

I personally would have taken great pleasure in telling your MIL when the bags were dropped off, so he didn't have a chance to spin her a tale, but what's done is done.

NoFucksImAQueen · 21/09/2018 20:53

holy shit he's got some nerve, the utter cunt. he's only angry because he's scared and annoyed with himself. let's hope he runs into strumpets husband eh...

didyouseetheflaresinthesky · 21/09/2018 20:57

I'd reply say I would break his fucking neck if I saw him so other husband is letting him off easy. How fucking DARE he turn this on you? He made the decision to cheat with that trollop. Now he gets the consequences.

TheKnackeredChef · 21/09/2018 20:57

Yeah, they do that I'm afraid. Trying to blame you for whatever they can. All part of the script. I wish I'd known that when I went through it. Try to treat him like you would a tantrumming three year old and ignore, ignore, ignore.

Cupoteap · 21/09/2018 20:58

I always used these things as a reminder of why I was leaving and that I was bloody well right!

You can do this.

AutisticHedgehog · 21/09/2018 21:02

"it was just a fantasy but you have made it real'

Aw poor guy. You need to clarify the situation immediately.

I’m sorry to have misled you and indicated my husband was having an affair with your wife. My husband has clarified the situation and he was actually only fantasising about your wife sticking her fingers up her snatch whilst having a wank in our toilet.

I’m sure he’ll get the jism. Sorry gist.

sparklepops123 · 21/09/2018 21:06

Don't respond to his personal digs, he wants to try put it all on you but if you don't get into conversation he can't. Short sharp answers when necessary for kids and if contact required can you get somebody else to drop off? Plus point : he had a offer to have his legs shortened, bring him down a little bit 😆

GlitterGlassEye · 21/09/2018 21:27

What a horrible cunt of a man. I hope this shitty behaviour is completely negating all his good points as a person. Tbh, even if they haven’t had sex, it was on the cards. And the deception can feel worse than the actual physical cheating so he can go fuck himself with the excuses. You are great btw.

CrazyDaisy2018 · 21/09/2018 21:27

I've been following this from the start but this is my first comment.

He's been at the very least having an emotional affair but somehow it's your fault for it all coming out in to the open??! What a fucking twat! Sorry OP.

He's showing his true colours now and his concerns about his OW "D"H are his own fault not yours and I would have no problems informing him of this.

As horrid as this all is for you you've clearly done the right thing. He's proving it with his response to it. It's all about him isn't it?

I hope he continues to have a good relationship with his DDs for their benefit but I'd ignore him for everything else if it can be helped.

Lots of un-MN hugs for you

GlitterGlassEye · 21/09/2018 21:28

Autistic hedgehog- yes!

YeTalkShiteHen · 21/09/2018 21:35

AutisticHedgehog that is brilliant!

ChishandFips33 · 21/09/2018 21:41

Well at least he's revealed his true self early on in this - saves you doing the dance with him and makes it 'easier' to keep your focus

TheLastNigel · 21/09/2018 21:47

Well if by any slim chance the firm
Messages weren't a deal breaker for you I'd say that reaction from him would be.
Nasty bastard.
Yes to blocking him, communicating about the kids (who may be old enough to communicate with him direct for now if that's easier for you), yes to solicitor to see where you stand.
I hope you can spend some time with your DD's this weekend and try and do something nice with them if you can. It feels like just going through the motions at first but you have to fake it till you make it, and you'll be surprised-you can find moments of really joy in the middle of the worst storms. Keep going op x

Gemini69 · 21/09/2018 22:00

Proud of you OP.. bloody Proud Flowers

ZacharyQuacks · 21/09/2018 22:20

Stone cold bastards the pair of them!

OP you have been magnificent - your DH can stick that message up his arse!

Brenna24 · 21/09/2018 22:28

Well, he is certainly showing his true colours. Well done on keeping your dignity again. Just keep doing what you are doing and give your Mum a hug for being brilliant. It does get easier but it takes time. How are your girls coping? How old are they?

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