I just added myself to fb chat with dh and ow

[MissMarpleMyArse]

I'm fucking fuming. I posted recently
About dh's suspect WhatsApp activity. It all stopped but I have been keeping an eye on his phone. This afternoon when he went to the toilet I clicked his apps and saw messenger was open. I've just had the chance to snoop again while he's in the shower and found messages between him and our friend (we aren't that close with her. - well I'm not). Loads of sexual stuff. I just added myself to the conversation and said 'wow I don't see that coming'
I'm upstairs now. Neither of them have read it yet.

I wish I had a mum like yours Op. Good luck for the future x

I think it's good that your mum had your phone last night. It gave you some time to rest and not be bombarded with his thoughts and feelings. He doesn't get to communicate with you whenever he wants anymore - he has lost that privilege and the sooner he grasps the enormity of this situation, the better.
I'm really sorry this has happened to you.
My advice is to lock down all the money - if you have joint accounts, I'd clear them out now and make sure you have enough money for your kids.

Once he realises this is real and he's not coming home, be prepared for him to drop the begging for forgiveness - he will start holding onto his money and talking about his rights.

OP you and your mum are an inspiration!
I usually abhor this phrase but lady, you have got this!

Sending warm wishes and hugs... you did amazing girl... and your Mum.. legend

Wow OP, just wow, I’m in awe of you and your Mum, stay strong

Does the ow have kids with her husband?

Have you told any of your friends? Knowing what you have said about this woman she is likely a bit of a maneater and it wouldn't surprise me if she has gone through more of your mutual friends husbands behind their backs.

So glad you have your mum there, she sounds amazing. I love that she called the OW a strumpet . My mum took a very very long time to get over my dad finally leaving with one of his OW..... don't rush anything, this is going to be a long haul which is why you do this one step at a time and you dictate the pace, not him! Go easy on yourself - you've had the worst imaginable shock

Your Mum is brilliant. I can see where you get your strength from.

You are clearly a strong woman, with a strong Mum. Hats off to you both!

Wow. Sorry this shit has happened to you, but if it ever happens to me I will remember you and follow suit. You rock, lady.

Good for you OP!

Wow, just seen this thread. Two amazing strong women 💐💐

Op I'm astounded but your strength, well done! I'm glad your mum is equally as strong and proactive and has come to bolster you (with wine!) Good luck for the coming weeks

So sorry OP. Stay strong, glad your mum is there and supportive.

Aw op, you've been so strong. Hope your ok x

Glad your mum is with you x

What a woman your mum is. She will see you right op... clearly she raised a strong un'-apples don't fall far from trees.
It might not feel Like it now or for a little while but you WILL be ok. Your man there is dead wood and pretty soon you will probably see that he has been bringing you down for years with you you realising it. Hang in there my love.

I'm really sorry miss! I know this is probably one of the most awful times of your life but actually this is the start of a better more honest existence. Your not stuck in the dark with a liar and a stranger anymore.
This is your first step to new and better not the last step or ending. you will conquer and you will thrive and this one day will be your history, don't forget that when you feel so broken you don't think you will ever heal.

missmarplemyarse mum reading the latest update has made my heart ache, I didn't get lucky enough to have a mum like you and definitely not a mum who would look after me so thoughtfully and protectively! In your daughters circumstances I wouldn't have a mother to call. It makes me miss what I should have had but it is so so lovely to see a mother who just loves and cares for and looks after their child so completely (even though she's an adult now) thankyou for showing some of us that that is real.

Awesome! Stay strong!

Hi again OP,

I have been thinking about you all morning

I'm pleased to see/hear that you've got such an amazing and supportive Mum (I don't so don't have a clue how she'd react). What I do know is this; I have reaction impulses similar to yours and I would really appreciate someone taking my phone away, deleting the 'woe is me' messages from the idiot and responding with such appropriate messages, at a time that I personally could easily say or do something ridiculous.

You're doing amazing and don't ever think you're going mad, just because some dickhead was gaslighting you.

Wow OP you are amazing and your mum is brilliant. Deleting the pathetic messages before you even see them is a very smart move

OP I cried a bit when I read what your mum did. I hope if that even happened to me my mum would do the same thing.

Ive been here too OP, I'm so glad you've got the support from your mum, I'm afraid i went stir crazy and public on Facebook and sent abusive texts to my disgusting exh for weeks which after 4 years I feel I'm only just living down. Complete Nc is best if you can get your mum to coordinate the children and him is for the best. Lots of love x

Wow op i see you get your strength from your dm.
Keep going. You can do this (Even though you shouldn't have to)

I've been there myself (also packed his bags and dropped them at his dms)
It'll take a couple of weeks till it starts to feel normal without them.
Good luck xx

Hello again

I’m sure you feel like utter shite today but everyone has suggested valid things so focus your energy on moving forward with your kids, not why this has happened. He is a cunt and whatever he says doesn’t matter anyway. Having been in the same situation, here is what I learned:

1. He will blame you for this
2. He may try to come back but as he was rumbled he’s actually more likely to move in with her and try to prove a point that he was “right” (see 1)
3. I don’t know how old your kids are but assuming this is heading for divorce they need to know in whatever format is age appropriate
4. This means you’ll have to tell school and if it’s a good one they may offer pastoral support which I recommend you agree to.
5. You both need to try not to disparage each other in front of the kids. Hard but play the long game here.
6. You need support too so tell your best friends but be aware that some may be confused and have other loyalties and who you thought you could count on is not always the ones who will be there for you.
7. The admin is a ball ache with changing accounts for this and that but gives you something to do and when you come out on the other side you’ll feel like you’ve done a phd in accountancy and family law.
8. Expect to have the children in your bed for months - they’ll miss the dickhead so need you more than ever

Totally here if you need any advice or just to vent. This is a bereavement and you will go through all the stages of anger, sorrow, denial etc. Hang in there clever girl, you’ve got this xx