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Original poster

Has anyone been on the fence about fancying someone but then it developed anyway because you loved their personality?

81 replies

6198feekfly · 19/09/2018 15:53

I fancy his personality so much and the kissing so far has been great. We’ve been seeing each other 2 months. He makes me laugh and I think he is a really really great person. He’s not unattractive, but also not really my ‘type.’

I don’t fancy the pants off him when I look at him. It’s all his personality that has generated the feelings of wanting to kiss him and I enjoyed that. I can’t yet imagine sex with him but do want it to progress.

Has anyone else felt like this and it developed into a full relationship despite this issue at the start? Without wanting to sound arrogant, I know he fancies me so that isn’t a problem.

I really like him...

OP posts:
chemicalworld · 19/09/2018 15:55

Yes. I fell head over heels as the sex was amazing!

Winchester89 · 19/09/2018 15:57

Me!!!!
Met at work, he fancied me and did a bit of pursuing. Didn't really fancy him we just got on so well, made me laugh etc and it developed from there.
We're now married with 2 kids and I fancy the pants off him - though he has got better looking with age haha!

Original poster
6198feekfly · 19/09/2018 16:03

Chemicalworld how did it start for you?

And how did you get into bed when you were on the fence?! It took me ages to build up to kissing and I do want to sleep with him but worried I’ll panic! Haha

OP posts:
chemicalworld · 19/09/2018 16:08

We were friends for 7 months, then he told me he was in love with me. I backed off, then missed him and realised that I wanted him in my life. Then we got drunk and kissed - the kissing was great and we slept together and it just went from there.

We aren't together now but it was a really lovely relationship,. I ended up finding him to be a beautiful person and I fancied the pants off him in the end as we had such a good sex life.

thefirstmrsdewinter · 19/09/2018 16:12

Yes, someone I liked but didn't fancy kissed me and it was the best kissing/sex ever. We went out for about a year and it didn't work out but it set me on a path of discovery just in case every unassuming/hairy/balding nerd I met was amazing in bed (spoiler alert: no).

If the kissing is properly great and you like and want to be with him I don't see any barrier to a great relationship. Fancying isn't a separate thing you either have or don't have; you didn't feel a chemical explosion on sight but if you like and want to kiss him surely fancying has occurred!

Original poster
6198feekfly · 19/09/2018 16:14

I did want to kiss him but not because I kept thinking of him aesthetically, more because he gave me butterflies when we spoke and I couldn’t wait to chat with him and just thought he was great.

The idea of touching him everywhere though is daunting!!! I sound awful don’t I...

OP posts:
thefirstmrsdewinter · 19/09/2018 16:18

Maybe it's all happening too quickly for all your thoughts and feelings to catch up with each other. As with anyone you sleep with for the first time surely the moment comes when you really really want to do it, rather than having to talk yourself into it.

GoodHeavensNoImAChicken · 19/09/2018 16:19

Yes it happened to me! Kissed and I still wasn’t sure but carried on chatting and a month later it was a whole different story. Still head over heels for him 3 years on. He also has a wonderful personality which I’m sure helped but now I really do find him attractive!

Original poster
6198feekfly · 19/09/2018 16:20

I’m definitely not ready for it yet and there is no pressure at all from him and I don’t expect there will be.

I’m excited about him and wanted to know if anyone else had been in the same boat and got to a stage where they couldn’t keep their hands off! :)

OP posts:
pumpastrotter · 19/09/2018 16:42

My OH. Same social group for years, thought he was good looking but never fancied him - actually I thought he was a Grade A prick with a saving good sense of humour. 'Accidentily' went on a date with him (I thought we were just going for a friendly catch up meal) and here we are several years later.
Admittedly, it took me longer to 'fall' for him even though we got on like a house on fire. I felt bad for the first months I didn't feel that chemical spark and thought about ending it, but I quite literally woke up one day and realised I was head over heels and I still fancy him more than anything.

safetyfreak · 19/09/2018 16:48

My current boyfriend of 4 months, it was more to do with his weight as he is overweight and I found that a turn off.

I am still not wanting to tear his clothes off but the attraction has definitely developed the past month and I do enjoy sex with him.

I think you just need to bite the bullet and have sex with him, then your know for sure.

Original poster
6198feekfly · 19/09/2018 16:49

Awh I like that story pump!

I’ve never been in this situation before and like you I feel a tad guilty as he is really into me and I can tell...I like him so much and there’s definitely feelings there just not oh my god I want you now...

OP posts:
Original poster
6198feekfly · 19/09/2018 16:50

Safetyfreak I took that approach with the kissing and it was good. It is scary though! Did you just do it one day even though you weren’t exactly into it?

OP posts:
PookieDo · 19/09/2018 17:08

Yes and we were together for 18 months

The moment I met him face to face I knew I didn’t find him instantly attractive but he was nice so we continued dating. Over time I did become more attracted to him and our sex life was better than I had expected.

But I never really got the full tummy flip when he looked at me for instance and there were occasions where it kind of felt not quite right and I wasn’t sure why. I am not a shallow person so I do not judge people on their looks or instant first attraction but at the same time, something else was missing from our RS and it broke down nothing to do with attraction at all. I think if we had a stronger attraction it may have made breaking up harder but as it was, we just drifted apart and then never spoke again.

This time around I am dating again and I know I need to feel more attracted to someone than I did with my ex. In fact I look back and have a track record of relationships with people I didn’t ever really fancy but made it work anyway, and they all failed so in the spirit of trying something new I am leading on looking for vagina flutters AND a nice personality to go with it!

DonkeyPlease · 19/09/2018 17:14

Yes. I fell head over heels as the sex was amazing!

This was my experience as well. It took me a long time to fall head over heels, but the sex bit definitely sparked off the lust part

Original poster
6198feekfly · 19/09/2018 17:18

Would you recommend getting on with it?! Or waiting for it to develop...

OP posts:
OrangeOrBlackcurrant · 19/09/2018 17:19

Yes I did. He made me laugh so much. The kissing was fab. The nicest loveliest funniest person. The sex was shit though Sad We are still great friends though.

Original poster
6198feekfly · 19/09/2018 17:20

Orange how shit?! How many times did you do it?

OP posts:
chemicalworld · 19/09/2018 17:22

I would recommend getting on with it, but then I don't always make the healthiest life choices for myself, so it has to be down to you

PookieDo · 19/09/2018 17:23

I would probably get on and do it (if you want to) and if it’s crap then you will know about it sooner rather than later!

But same goes for any relationship

userblah · 19/09/2018 17:25

Me. With my now partner. Sex has never been sizzling but I certainly grew to fancy him . Wasn't/isn't my "type" but whatever that type was , certainly wasn't working! X

ShirleyPhallus · 19/09/2018 17:29

100% this. My best friend told me not to go on a date with him as she thought he wasn’t my type, wasn’t as tall as the guys I usually date, didn’t think he was good looking enough.

On our first date we had an incredible time and then he was so brilliant, reliable, hilarious, clever etc that on our second date I had the BIGGEST of fanny wobbles at him, fancied the pants off him and then decided on about our third date I’d probably marry him. We’ve only been together for a year or so so not there yet but Christ I’m so so SO glad I took the chance and went.

I really love him and couldn’t imagine what I saw in those 6’ 5” brutes anymore Grin

OrangeOrBlackcurrant · 19/09/2018 18:07

OP really shit. I tried many many times Blush
It could have got better if he could have talked openly. But stuff from his past meant he really struggled with that.

Rebecca36 · 19/09/2018 18:09

Yes, one day I saw him differently and the like turned to love - and fancying.

We've been together nearly thirty three years.

AngelsSins · 19/09/2018 18:13

Yes, happened to me. I loved his personality and felt a deep connection to him, but didn’t fancy him. I gave it a try and started to fancy him more and more. The sex was amazing here too, but it didn’t make me sudden fancy him loads physically.

9 years on and we’re blissfully happy, and where as after a few years my attraction to previous partners had started to disappear, I’m still massively attracted to him.