Has anyone been on the fence about fancying someone but then it developed anyway because you loved their personality?

[6198feekfly]

I fancy his personality so much and the kissing so far has been great. We’ve been seeing each other 2 months. He makes me laugh and I think he is a really really great person. He’s not unattractive, but also not really my ‘type.’

I don’t fancy the pants off him when I look at him. It’s all his personality that has generated the feelings of wanting to kiss him and I enjoyed that. I can’t yet imagine sex with him but do want it to progress.

Has anyone else felt like this and it developed into a full relationship despite this issue at the start? Without wanting to sound arrogant, I know he fancies me so that isn’t a problem.

I really like him...

God yes. And the older I get, the more I find myself attracted to people for reasons other than their looks. My current fantasy shag is John Bercow

Yep, he’s my husband
I think there are three sides to the ‘triangle’ of all relationships, romantic or platonic - love, sex, and chemistry (in the sense of just ‘clicking’ with someone as a fellow human). To function, a relationship needs two of those three sides to be in place.
For example, I have love and chemistry with my husband but the sexual attraction wasn’t instant and tbh with a small child it’s not always there now . But all three aspects are there, even if they fluctuate over the years and circumstances, which is why he’s my husband
I’ve had fantastic flings with people where the sex and the chemistry were electric but we barely liked, let alone loved each other. Fun for a while but not good long term relationship material.
Platonically, I have both male and female friends who I love and have amazing chemistry with but no sexual spark.
One day I’ll write a bestselling self-help book about this

Update ..things have progressed very slowly to feeling places with clothes on (sound like a teenager!). And I’m still not sure! The kissing is getting better each time though.

I like him a lot but feel a bit scared by these feelings and how easy it is with him.

Any further comments or advice would be appreciated. Will this grow with time?! (Pardon the pun)

Any relationship is a risk.
I do want to feel an attraction of some kind whether it’s a meeting of minds, sense of humour or physically. The guy I am dating has really sexy hands. Like I stare at them. I don’t know why they are so sexy 🙈. Anything can be sexy and attractive it doesn’t have to be someone’s face or body it could be their mind and how they treat you. Hopefully it’s all of those things and it continues to grow

Hi
I too have been seeing someone for 5/6 weeks. We met online, clearly had a lot in common so agreed to a date with him. First date was lovely and we had lots to chat about but I didn't want to rip his clothes off. Many messages between the two of us and a few more dates when things progressed slowly to kissing and I started to realise that this guy is really cool. He came over to my house for the first time early this week and ended up staying 2 nights and lets just say I now want to rip his clothes off!
I've never been about the instant 'fireworks' to be honest but I do think there has to be something there that makes you want to find out more about someone. We are off for a weekend away tomorrow

Love this thread!

What a great thread! Weirdly i’ve just ended things with someone I liked loads and who liked me back (and treated me really well) but I just didn’t really fancy (after sleeping with him once) but I’ve been missing him more than I thought, maybe I should get back in touch.....

Was the sex bad Penelope?!

bite the bullet and have sex with him
rofl

Current bf definitely attracted me more with his character. At first just because he comes across as confident, very sociable, unconventional and good fun. He also has a nice deep voice and is quite bulky, which I like. But he's a smoker, balding, bit overweight, rather poor teeth, a bit scruffy looking, and at the time unemployed, so plenty to put you off. Anyway I bit the bullet and discovered he's rather good in bed. Still, I thought it would just be a fling. Then we went on a weekend away together and I realised actually we get on well and he's really considerate and generous. Really sweet with his little girl. So I've stuck around. Over time I've gradually come to find more and more physical things attractive. At first things like the way he raises an eyebrow, then how he walks, now even the way he smells - at first I could just smell the cigarettes! And I think if the sex is good, then when you see the person you associate with that, you're turned on.

Userthyigba yes unfortunately it really was!!

Oh god, don’t go back if it was actively bad!

Haha thank you for that advice PolkaDoting! On balance I think you’re probably right. Weirdly I hooked up with a guy i’ve been vaguely dating and chatting to for months now without it going anywhere (I sound like a right slag now but I am JUST getting back into things 18 months after a horrid separation!) and although we didn’t go the whole way as I was on my period, it was bloody fantastic. The contrast makes me remember what sex should be like. Unfortunately he is a total commitment phobe type who I am fairly sure just texts me when he has nothing better to do. (I don’t care as not into a serious relationship at the mo anyway.) but WHY can’t the nice guy be the one who’s smoking in bed????!!!!

I recently struck up a friendship with an old school friend. Haven’t seen each other for decades. Chatted for hours online, met for coffee a few times and I thought no way. He’s overweight, bald and only about 3 inches taller than me. But, he makes me laugh so much, has the kindest eyes, has been a real help practically when I’ve needed it. I knew he liked me but wasn’t sure. When we started kissing wow! And the sex? Amazing. I have never had the physical reactions I have with this man, who to look at is very ordinary. I cannot keep my hands off him. He also is the best at hugs and cuddles in front of the tv. I say go for it. Worst case scenario the sez is t very good and you have answered your own question. Sorry won’t do paragraphs for some reason!

This is a great thread as I'm having this very dilemma right now. I am usually attracted to men who will probably never commit to me and I think I've been subconsciously seeking out men who are emotionally unavailable.

Now there is somebody who I'm only slightly attracted to, he ticks a few boxes but doesn't give me butterflies. I am excited when he's texts though. I know he would commit, he would love and respect me, and I'm actually frightened. What if I fall for him, I don't want to let myself go for some reason.

Yes. I didn’t originally fancy one of my exes when I was first introduced to him but I found both his charm and confidence very sexy and once we’d had sex I was pretty much hooked. I later became physically attracted to him.

Yes, been with him 5 years now, also not my type, didn't see him that way for a month. Now I don't want to ever be without him and constantly stare because he's the best looking bloke in the world. His personality made his attractiveness increase 100fold over time.
Not everything is love at first sight, some of us receive a slow burn.

Yes my husband!! It was as much a mental decision as a heart based one. I grew to love him and glad i thought logically

I also had a wobble a While in worrying that I didn't fancy him enough and it wouldn't work etc. Decided to focus on what I found attractive and sure enough 6 weeks later I suddenly 'clicked' and thought ... Holy shit, he is saucy!!!

DPs bum is definitely a real peach!

I don't know. I knew dh was the one immediately. Looks, intellect, connection. Knew I wanted to marry him within minutes. He felt the same. .......nearly 30 years on. Never a doubt. Been together since second date. No elective nights apart.

This is exactly how I felt about my DH. Didn’t fancy him but we talked a lot after meeting and he seemed lovely so agreed to go on a date with him. I fell absolutely head over heels. We’ve been together 10 years now and we’re happier than ever. He’s the most wonderful man I’ve ever met and I feel incredibly lucky to be his wife.

Oh and as for sex: I made him wait about 3 months (partly because I was still unsure about whether I fancied him and partly because I was fed up of falling for twats who stopped calling after getting me in bed) and the first time was so bad! I was so disappointed! Glad I perservered though because it’s amazing now and he’s definitely got better looking with age

I had similar - the first time we met I considered just leaving it as he was different to anyone I had been with before. But we had gelled so completely via text and the messaging stayed perfect and he was so my type intellectually. So we had a second date and I decided that I had to work out if the chemistry going to work - so I got a little drunk and snogged him. And I have to say that despite my misgivings he was amazing and the intellectual connection worked in every way. I can't believe I nearly passed him over because he physically didn't do it for me. I was very narrow minded!

You shouldn't move onto having sex until you want sex with him. He will wait and your sexual attraction to him will develop- or it won't. You cannot force sexual feelings and you should just wait and feel what is happening for you- and stay true to your feelings.