Hello
I'm. It sure relationships is the right place for this, but I didn't know where else to post.
This is probably going to be really long and it will sound mad. And It is more than a bit mad but I am truly losing my mind over it, so have come here for help/advice. I am so ashamed.
I am linking to a thread I posted a week ago. It gives you some context of where my head was just seven days ago - only 21 posts to read, so hopefully not too long to get through. You will see that I was a bit upset/worried about DDs BF, for reasons that are clear within the linked thread.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3361138-Worried-about-DDs-BF
Update since my last post....
Since then I have found myself falling into a very strange place - I kind of alluded to it in my last post in the previous thread, but I am not quite sure what has happened to me. I am posting here in the hope someone will recognise my thinking/behaviour and can help me crawl out of this black hole.
In a nutshell, I have become obsessive and bereft over this ridiculous non-relationship between two kids. For the first time in my life, I can't sleep at night, have cried at least five times a day, every day, I am treating my DD appallingly because she won't even see him to give him some closure or 'try again' and am being selfish, ridiculous and quite mad. I have no idea what this is really about. It surely can't really be this straight forward? I feel like I am losing my mind because the rational part of me recognises that i can't be this upset about a teenage breakup (I have honestly never been over-involved in anything like this before) so I am wondering if it has triggered something in me but I don't know what, and I can't make this stop. I literally can't eat and I haven't been able to concentrate on anything for a week. I feel on the brink of tears the whole time and completely preoccupied with a need to 'fix' everything so DD can enjoy the feeling of someone loving her so much and being giddy with love herself.
I have no history of depression or mental illness, and this is despite spending the last ten years in a toxic relationship with a functioning but volatile alcoholic. (Last five sexless). Despite losing my beloved dad three years ago and my mum last year following two years of being sole career through dementia, thus making my DH now the only adult in my life (I am an only child, no other family). I have lost a job, struggled with money issues, spent nearly every night listening to the drunken, spiteful ranting of my husband, struggled with weight gain and love loss, yet have still managed to get real joy out of my DC and life in general, but this 'non-event' has floored me.
All I keep thinking about is how much this boy loves DD and how much happiness he could bring her - just for a while until it naturally fizzled out - and she him - and she is throwing it away without a backward glance. I know she is too young and I don't even recognise these thoughts as anything like my own. If you'd asked me four weeks ago, I would have said that I wasn't interested in teenage drama and DD is far too young to have a BF.
I have never checked her messages or anything like that before, but because I was worried about him being bullied but also slightly struggling with DDs sudden and rather cold change of heart, I had a quick scan to make sure this wasn't about something else - him pressuring her into something she wasn't ready for and her not wanting to tell me or similar. Now I wish I hadn't seen them because it's only made me feel worse. He is lovely, kind, a bit cheeky but respectful and completely head over heels, she had reciprocated in the same way and had told him she loves him. Messages are sweet and loving and then suddenly, she becomes distant and ends it. He is bereft. She won't give him any explanation. I stepped away at that point (hating myself for being waaaaaaay too involved) but now I feel even more heartbroken for him and even less sympathetic to my own DD who I love with all my heart, but feel inexplicably angry with.
DD doesn't know I've read her messages and I will never tell her. She has played down what they were about, saying she never liked him that much (I know this is a lie) and it's not her fault she has moved on. This is 100% true but it crushes me every time she says it.
I don't need anyone to tell me I am being over-invested, ridiculous, unkind to DD, a bad Mother or anything else like that. I KNOW. I feel quite deranged by it all and cannot believe how I feel and how I am behaving. I spent all of today in my room alternating between crying and staring into space. I cooked the family meal and went through the motions of that, sat with DS whilst he his homework but honestly felt 'removed' as though I wasn't really there. I know that there must be something else at play here, but I don't know what. Or how to let it go.
It's not as simple as 'get a grip'. If I could, I would have. I am the most sensible, level headed, relaxed parent usually, but right now, if I could make DD go back to him, I would. Which is MAD. And I am thoroughly ashamed to feel this way.
So what's going on? Why have I fallen apart? Why am I so upset? How do I make these thoughts stop? Am I finally revealed as a hideous over-involved nightmare parent or is this a trigger for something else? My poor DD.