Abusive parents- I phoned the police. Now what?

[Littlemissdemeanour]

Long time poster.

I’m very confused about what happened last night, what to do; and I’m writing it all down as to not minimise it, and hopefully get some help - I’ve no one to share this with.

I was visiting parents (another town), and an argument ensued about a family matter. Yes, drink had been consumed, but not, in my opinion, to excess.

My mother who is prone to outbursts, shall we say, shouted, swore at me, threw a glass of wine over me and pushed me very aggressively and slapped me- my earring fell out. She proceeded to tear my now red wine stained jumper in three places. I was terrified.

I tried to pack my stuff and leave and my father and mother prevented me; pushing me up against the wall, hissing in my face. This went on for quite some time and I was screaming for help to neighbours.

My mother, who works for mental health services, proceeds to make a call in the hallway ‘to get me sectioned’. Everything is always my fault. I’m terrified, shaking, a wreck and genuinely think that I’m going to be sectioned. I’m also being held and can’t leave what I’m increasingly feeling is becoming a dangerous situation.

I phoned 999, the police. A very low moment - who wants to do that to their own parents?

They continue to hound me, hiss at me, push me (I’m very bruised today). Around 20 min later police arrive. I must say they were super, and did say I should pursue a complaint (my parents admitted their actions in full justifying it as ‘it was for my own good, safety’ - the police woman utterly refuted this). I was advised there was a clear case for abduction by not letting me leave on my own will, and abuse.

I tell the police I just want to leave and catch a train. So I’m driven to the train station in the police car, and travel home 2 hours alone, a wreck.

Today, I don’t know what to do. My parents are abusive. I’ve many bruises and frankly, my jumper is horrifying to look at, I can’t minimise what they’ve done. No argument that’s verbal ever justifies this. I don’t know what I should do. I feel it’s already gone too far (but I didn’t know what else I could have managed other than phone police?)

We have a large family holiday planned later in the year, which if I’m honest I’ve always been hesitant about as they’ve become increasingly unhinged (threads on their behaviour span years on here).

Please help me make sense of what happened, I suppose I’m looking to understand what I should do next/ confirmation I did do the right thing. Now I’m here alone it’s hit me that even though they undertook the action, I’m the one (by phoning police) that’s severed any chance of moving on?

If they are big in the local community, would a local paper be interested? You could agree to talk to a reporter in confidence and they could run an article naming you as an anonymous source. They'll know it's you, of course, but they will anyway when you talk to relatives. Airing their behaviour in public may give others they've treated badly (and I'm sure there are others) courage to come forward. You could even get a statement from the PO who attended, perhaps.

Thank you. I’m pretty sure my brother won’t believe me (lives at home, has it pretty easy, and knows what side his bread is buttered).

I don’t think there’s any such thing as privacy in the press, I’m afraid. Not a route I personally want to expose myself too, but appreciate the issue does need highlighted.

How do you get along with your brother these days?. Why are you not particularly close?. Is that because of your abusive parents, did they do the divide and conquer strategy on you and your sibling too?. Did they try and turn you against each other?. Yet another example of their abuses of you if they did that to you as children.

Does he himself have a relationship with your parents?.

Fair enough. In that case talk to the PO again and tell them that your parents are big in X community and could be treating vulnerable people same as they did you. If there are any pertinent stories from your DPs you can remember, tell them. I'd hope that the Police would be interested in such a tale and make some discreet enquiries.

To clarify. You deserve help.
www.victimsupport.org.uk/crime-info/types-crime/domestic-abuse?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIg7alr5i_3QIVTLTtCh3HtQwXEAAYAiAAEgKM4_D_BwE

I don’t know how to do links but that’s the victim support site. They have some helpful advice and a phone number

I would in that case not further contact your brother; he will in all likelihood act as their flying monkey and deny you whilst acting in his own self interest.

Do consider contacting NAPAC and read the "well we took you to Stately Homes" thread on these pages.

you did nothing wrong, dont ever hesitate on that.
cut all the contact with them and others. if anyone has true love to you, they may contact you unless they hesitate because of them.
other than that dont bother what they think. believe in yourself and put them in the past.
with police; dont be scared to tell everything. after that put them all behind, definitely NC.
you can go to your gp and explain your situation. they can arrange some theraphy for you. you need this even though you are strong.
womens aid also has very good freedom programmes.
and please dont fall into an abusive relationship in the future. set your boundries very clearly.
wish you all the best .

I’m not sure they divided us per se; there is a big age gap and we ne we had much in common. IMO, he did get favouritism as a youth, and even now is lazy AF whilst I would help parents constantly and yet still get a lecture on everything.

He has a very convenient relationship with them, yes.

I’m going over everything in my head and when I said you’ve torn my jumper, my father pushed up jus shirt and gesticulated wildly and angrily (hissing) at his heart area and said I don’t give a fuck about your jumper you’ve torn my heart. How is is it always about them. Why violence, why?

Cut all contact and charge them both via the police.

I’m on the waiting list for GP therapy (very challenging in this area I believe). Unfortunately this is not the only area of my life that is up in a plume just now; I’ve raised a grievance at work for bullying and harassment, and am signed off.

I’m genuinely concerned that if it’s not all my fault (hope not), it sure as hell looks that way.

there was no other way for you to come out that situation other than calling the police. they abducted you. so never hesitate.

Its always about them because they make it so. They are horribly damaged, broken people, and they have tried to damage and break you in turn.

You have done nothing wrong here. You have done right by pulling their hideous abusive behaviour into the light, so that other people can see them for what they are.

If you are in north London or the Beds/Bucks/Herts area, you are very welcome to come to me for Christmas!

OP, I am so sorry for your awful situation.

Blood is not thicker than water. You owe them nothing. Please press charges and I hope they get arrested. They are scumbags.

Please don’t go on holiday with them - why would you spend more time with such abusers?

Go no contact with them. They are hideous and evil.

Thank you, so very kind.

I’m North sadly!

I know there was no other way, I didn’t take doing that lightly. I was truly desperate at 9pm last night. Abduction sounds so scary, but that’s what it was. Throwing and pushing me around and shouting about me in the third person; she’s mad, she needs help, she’s not right in the head.

See the thing is, I know I am.

I will not go on holiday with them, no. I was never particularly enamoured with the idea in the first place.

It’s all about control. Everything is control. I’m sitting here looking at my case and stuff around me and want to pack it away to rid the memory - same as that bloody jumper- but here I am affixed to the spot

They sound very similar to my parents, the using their faith, the violence, the saying you are going to get sectioned, I actually started reading the thread wondering if you were my sister because this all sounds so much like my parents, only difference is my mum would have spilled cider not wine!

I went NC 3 years ago, it is honestly the best decision I ever made, the first Christmas was hard, the second one was the best Christmas I have ever had. My mental health is better than it has ever been, my self-esteem is much higher, I have more friends than ever before. It hurt like hell at first but I barely even think about them anymore.

with all these happening at work and with family you learning to cope with such situations. unfortunately there is bullying everywhere.
just be truthful and believe in yourself.

"I’m not sure they divided us per se; there is a big age gap and we ne we had much in common. IMO, he did get favouritism as a youth, and even now is lazy AF whilst I would help parents constantly and yet still get a lecture on everything"

People from dysfunctional abusive families end up playing roles. Yours is scapegoat and remains so whilst his is golden child (also a role not without price).

I would consider contacting BACP as therapy on the NHS is not going to cut it at all in the long run here for you. NHS therapy lists are also long and you are going to need far more than what they can provide in terms of services. You need help now.

Are you in a union, I ask as they should be able to help re your bullying case at work too.

Get them arrested, go no contact, and then start healing your self. You need to trust your self, let them not make you doubt your self ever again.

As someone unthread said, take pictures of your injuries and damaged clothes. Put these in a folder called Remember This and look at it when you feel alone to remind yourself that alone and safe is 100 times better than with family and abused. Cancel Christmas and the holiday, these toxic people do not deserve your company.

I don't like the knee jerk "get counselling " call that comes up often, but in your case I think you do need outside help to help you to rebuild your life and confidence. I think a pp was correct when they said your childhood of abuse set you up for your abusive relationship.

You are clearly articulate and intelligent, I think you have the inner strength to examine your past and present life and rebuild it to a future life where you will grow, glow and be glorious and loved for who you are.

Menolly I’m so very sorry that you experienced it too. It’s sad to find these things comforting when you realise another human has lived the same.

I’m scared about NC and being lonely, but I know it this is rock bottom there is only one way: up.

My parents are emotionally abusive and stormy. My beloved Gran who lived with us pulled me aside one day after an argument and told me to make sure that I got out when I was older. She said 'I don't know what's wrong with them'. She died when I was 21 and of course I didn't go, they were family and all that. But at 47 years old there was a family row and my grandmother's words echoed in my brain so I gave myself permission to leave the family. I am forever grateful to her.

Please make a formal statement to the police OP. They may be your parents but this was a violent assault on you and could happen again when on holiday with them. Go NC. Do some research on local support groups for domestic violence.
I'd be very concerned with your mother's behaviour considering she works within mental health services also.

Do not be scared about having no contact with these people or your golden boy brother for that matter. You are basically drawing a line in the sand here saying no more to being abused by them all. Self preservation here is really necessary, they have gone all out here to really try and destroy you from the inside out for their own reasons. You need to rebuild and reclaim your life.

Its not your fault they are like this and your mother's violent behaviour towards you was not your fault either. This is all on them.