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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Seduction advice needed

246 replies

EleanorLoves · 11/09/2018 19:31

Hello,

I really need your help. I am very attracted to a man at work. He seems interested too but I'm not 100% sure. I feel like the sexual tension is building up between us.

My office has a very strict no relationships policy but fortunately he is leaving in early December for a new role elsewhere.

I'm looking for some sneaky tricks to get into his mind and under his skin. I already told him that I had a dream about him, and that seems to have helped. But I need more sneaky, slow burn ideas please! Little mind tricks...

Obviously I don't want things to peak too soon as I have over 2.5 months to fill.

Thanks in advance.

P.S. Ultimate aim is to make him mine, long term.

OP posts:
Weightsandmeasures · 16/09/2018 08:13

If he wants you, he will pursue you. You've done enough to let him know you are interested. If he isn't showing clear and unambiguous interest at this stage, I suggest you tread carefully. The interest might be mainly on your part..

Good luck. I would go with the more direct approach of suggesting a drink when he leaves in Dec.

Isitovernow · 16/09/2018 08:47

I'm honestly between minds about this. I know lots of women who are married to amazing men because they pursued the guy...

I've never had the courage to pursue a guy but that means, I've always ended up with guys who wanted me & had the guts to be forthright ...

I say go for it! F it. All the conscious flirting sounds like a situation Rachel in FRIENDS would be in...I'd say keep it low-key but you've nothing but clarity to gain by making your feelings clear!

FlosCampi · 16/09/2018 09:48

Break the touch barrier; for instance smile a genuine thank you while touching his forearm for a few seconds and looking into his eyes. If he touches you back in the next few days, he likes you back.

Original poster
EleanorLoves · 17/09/2018 20:26

Thank you everyone! I wasn't at work today and he's out of the office tomorrow so I'll next see him on Wednesday. I think he is attracted to me but I think that maybe I've been a bit too obviously chasing him. Maybe staring too much. The shame! I want to turn the tables and get him to chase me a bit more. Get him to initiate things.
However, having said that, I do want to notch things up another gear so I'm thinking of the odd touch here or there. Just to get him all tingly!

OP posts:
WhatsGoingOnEh · 17/09/2018 20:38

I have been burned twice with initiating dates. I want him to lead.

If you want him to chase you, you have to stop trying to control everything! Let go of the outcome. If he likes you, he already likes you; most attraction is pretty instant.

This whole thread is about you initiating. Relax. If you want to be more passive in dating, you can't just be "secretly aggressive".

1unhappymum · 17/09/2018 20:56

Do you spend time with him/ communicate daily? You says he’s out of the office tomorrow so I guess you chat lots. I say, just be yourself. Falling in love happens when we least expect it. What’s the point In being someone that you aren’t. It won’t be sustainable long term. I also believe that he is probably spending so much time with you because he already enjoys your company.

Original poster
EleanorLoves · 17/09/2018 21:05

WhatsGoingOnEh, you're totally right. I need to relinquish control. But this is the first time I have felt this way on over 16 years and I don't want him to slip away. I really like him.

OP posts:
Original poster
EleanorLoves · 17/09/2018 21:06

Yes, if it's a working day, I will see him 1unhappymum. He does chat to me a lot and seems to seek me out. I will try to let him lead and be receptive!

OP posts:
Original poster
EleanorLoves · 17/09/2018 21:12

What’s the point In being someone that you aren’t.

The funny thing is that my natural instinct is to lead, pursue, seduce, ask him out etc. But I am reining that in because it's not going to get him to fall in love with me! It will just scare him off or give him an ego boost or work temporarily until he moves on because he didn't 'win the prize', it was just handed to him!

OP posts:
1unhappymum · 17/09/2018 21:22

I just don’t see any point in playing a game unless you both know the rules. Just be true to you, do what come naturally. In the long run, you want a relationship to be based on honesty and integrity. There is nothing worse than getting several months down the road and feeling duped. What will be, will be and if it’s meant to be then it will be.

Weightsandmeasures · 17/09/2018 21:25

My gut tells me you are trying to hard. It will be difficult to know whether he genuinely likes you or whether he is simply taking advantage of an opportunity that's being handed to him.

Weightsandmeasures · 17/09/2018 21:26

*Trying too hard

BitOfFun · 17/09/2018 21:29

Cheerleading outfit? Grin

Gardai · 17/09/2018 21:52

Am a bit worried you'll be up in front of HR.
Careful now with all the touchy stuff and banana eating.

Original poster
EleanorLoves · 17/09/2018 21:54

Weightsandmeasures, I think in real life I am reasonably subtle. I hope!

OP posts:
Original poster
EleanorLoves · 17/09/2018 21:55

Gardai, ha ha! I'm not doing any of these outrageous things! Just plenty of smiling, eye contact, bit of banter and plenty of blushing, no doubt.

OP posts:
FunSponges · 17/09/2018 22:14

Totally placemarking for updates OP. Hope you keep us informed!

SpiritedLondon · 17/09/2018 23:11

I work with lots of men and I am probably a natural flirt. Some of them are absolutely useless at picking up subtle signs. I like a few of the suggestions - a little bit of eye contact, touching the forearm ( if you can be natural) and I would always tell someone if they smell nice ( whether flirting or not.... it’s nice to receive compliments). They seem to like quite feminine clothes so when I’ve been in flirtation mode I’ve tended to veer towards pencil skirts , blouses and heels. Looks awful written down but they suit my shape and make me feel good about myself. I’ve also definitely been on a night out with colleagues where we have been a bit squished up and I have been touching legs with someone I fancy ( out of sight) and it worked out pretty well for me. I do look for signs that they reciprocate though so I wouldn’t be doing any of this if I wasn’t getting positive vibes back. The last guy I liked hung around in a slightly deliberate fashion while I got changed and we ended up walking to the station together. That was a pretty good sign. Keep your eyes peeled for similar signs from your beau and take heart from them.

Original poster
EleanorLoves · 18/09/2018 12:21

I'm feeling extra anxious today. Maybe it's too much caffeine. Maybe I'm afraid I'm falling for him hard. My appetite is shot, I keep waking up in the middle of the night thinking about him, I have palpitations! I'm a lost cause.

OP posts:
crochetmonkey74 · 18/09/2018 12:59

I met my partner at work OP and I agree with PPs that loads of this is too subtle/ sometimes a bit strange but I equally know how exciting it is to feel like that! I would suggest that you try to throw in things like going to get lunch together, or a coffee- I know that exquisite lurch of hoping they will be at work parties etc and the disappointment when they are not! Eventually my partner just suggested we met up to watch a new TV programme that we were both excited to watch- it still took us ages to get together- but you need to move it out of work somehow- Good Luck!

Mildmanneredmum · 18/09/2018 15:35

Chase him 'til he catches you, OP!

Original poster
EleanorLoves · 18/09/2018 19:48

Mildmanneredmum, you've hit the nail on the head!!

OP posts:
Original poster
EleanorLoves · 18/09/2018 19:48

Thank you crochetmonkey74. That's really good advice.

OP posts:
NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 18/09/2018 21:09

Seems a bit like it's all his terms, flirting with you in work but saying he doesn't want a work relationship. I think you've made yourself far too available for him. If he genuinely likes you he will ask you out

delphguelph · 18/09/2018 21:23

Have you had your night out yet? If so did you do the calf test? The definitive test BTW