How often do you speak with your OH/Husbands during the day?

[WhiteRosesAndSunflowers]

I'm a SAHM, but before having children (when both OH and I worked), OH and I used to regularly message and text throughout the course of the day.

Since having DC's, contact is absolutely minimal, though not through lack of me trying! I've tried telling OH that every so often, I'd like a quick 'Hey, how you doing? Are the kids behaving?' type message, nothing over the top or lengthy, just a little hello would do! After we've had these chats about me liking a little more communication throughout the week, he'll make an effort for a few days, then it's right back to not hearing from him again.

I understand his main focus and priority when he's at work, is and should be, his work, so I'm under no illusion that he should be constantly tied to his phone, chatting away to me. But, we could easily go Mon-Fri and I wouldn't hear a peep out of him.
It's particularly frustrating as I know there are several times throughout the day when he's using Instagram, meaning he's not completely run ragged and physically doesn't have the time to stop and check his phone, as he has time to browse social media.

I don't want or expect constant phone calls or long running texts, but I would appreciate him seeing how I'm doing once in a while, particularly as our 2DC's are very young so my days at home with them are often pretty hard going, so a little message from him asking if I'm alright would mean a lot.

When he gets home from work, he's loving and chatty, so I can't complain there, it just literally feels like the moment he leaves the house in the morning, I'm forgotten about and that it doesn't matter if I'm having a good or a bad day.

I've spoken with a few friends about it and they've said their husbands usually tend to phone them on their lunch break, or will message them back in the afternoons when they catch five minutes.

I just wondered if anyone else out there has partners/husbands who literally never contact them and how common it is to not hear from your OH all day/all week? While it does bother me, I've now learned to live with it, but still intrigued to see how many others go through this.

My husband and I work together so communication in the week is constant but at the weekend we like a break from one another so during that time we hardly text, I really dislike texting anyway, so will only get in touch via phone call, if we need to.

It doesn’t matter what other people do though, if you want to change it speak to your DH and make sure he is clear on your feeling x

Only sometimes when he’s on the way home or if there’s special news or we are especially bored. We prefer to talk in person.

Throughout the day. But we’re both needy types. We only have one DC and I’m on maternity leave.

I'm afraid I'd find your requests quite suffocating.

He has a right to go on Instagram or whatever...he doesn't have to justify having 5 minutes to himself at work to you OP.

My DH and I never text whilst we're at work at all and we didn't when I was a SAHM either.

We save it for when we get home.

Pretty much throughout the day by email.

But when I was at home and the kids were little,we would text but he'd also always make a point of phoning mid-morning to see if we'd all made it past breakfast and getting dressed, and before the babies went down for their nap.

Needy much!!

Most of the time we don't communicate at all in the day as we are at work and don't feel the need to.

I work part time, DH full time and we work for the same organisation.

When I'm at home we text occasionally throughout the day. We probably talk more at work via chat and email.

Some days we'll chat a bit, though usually about stuff eg today we've been chatting about arrangements for a large delivery and a few things that we need to get organised. Other days, like yesterday, not at all.

When he's at work, he's generally working, though!

Never

We/he are there to work

Unless it’s an emergency obviously.

He goes away a lot, sometimes he may call in the morning or evening if he gets a chance by other times not for a couple of days. I’m the same if away - I prefer to switch off.

Never. He’s at work, I’m at work.

I'm not saying he doesn't have a right to go on Instagram, it's more that he knows I'd like the occasional message but doesn't bother sending me anything on the various chances that he could.

Like I said, we went from being people who constantly spoke all day long via message, to him now not talking at all.

I don't see myself as being needy whatsoever. I don't want or need constant communication with him. I'm literally asking for maybe once every other day, just check in on how I'm doing, how his kids are doing even!? I know if I was the one out at work everyday, I'd find 20 seconds to ask him how our kids were at the very least.

We don't talk / message much during day unless it's about the children getting hurt or being ill. He's usually busy in meetings and I'm a SAHM so pretty busy shuttling kids around and being a domestic goddess....

At the end of the day, after kids are asleep, I sometimes message to find out when he is likely to come home and if he needs to eat. Or to tell him he can sort his own dinner out.

We tend to just message if necessary and catch up once he's home...

It's what ever works for you, really...

Quick hello text am
Few texts at lunch.

On my days at home with our son I get an email at some point asking how things are going. Depending on my reply it might turn into a short conversation, it might not. Usually conversations are about the grocery shopping or some other boring home stuff.

I might email him myself if I need him to pick up something on his way home or to ask if he has seen something I've lost.

If I'm at work and he's at home I'll WhatsApp or Facebook message to check in.

If we're both at work we don't usually speak.

Almost never, unless it's home admin stuff or something urgent comes up. But we've always been like that, before DC and when DC were very small. I was lucky to have a lot of friends to share the immediate hardness of the days with, and DH would always respond if it was a really difficult day and I sent an emergency text for moral support.

What happens if you message him, does he reply? I'm afraid it does sound like you are being a little needy. If everything else is OK I'd say pick your battles, and this one is not worth having. FWIW DH and I are in touch some days, and not others, but if he insisted on a certain level of contact I'd find it quite suffocating.

Rarely. Only if there's something we need to let the other know, but we aren't very needy or insecure.

Rarely, very rarely will I contact or be contacted by my dh when he or I are at work.

It just doesn't seem appropriate or called for tbh.

His job offers little time for texts and my job certainly does not and would be highly inappropriate for me to be on my phone.
Also what would you say? Nothing that can wait until you are at home together later surely.
I don't get it.

DH and I don't really communicate during the day. We do sometimes send "love you" messages with emojis.

We're both quite busy at work.

Is there any reason the kids won't be fine? If not then you're being needy. I work from home and don't hear from my husband all day unless he needs something or I want to ask him something particular. Not just how are you stuff.

Rarely. We are both in work! I'd hate if he was demanding I checked in with him every day

Rarely. I’m a SAHM and he often works from home, but still rarely! He’s holed up in his office and I’m out and about with the DC.
When he’s in the office he usually drops a text to let me know when he’s leaving (it’s approx 2.5 hours away) so I know when to expect him home, but he’s busy all day and I’m fairly busy with two young children so unless there was something in particular I needed to talk to him about (or vice versa) then we just catch up in the evenings.

I'd say about 90% of the time, he doesn't reply to me. And it's not like I'm sending essays about completely pointless shit (though I do sometimes send stuff that I 100% don't expect a reply to) it might be something about shopping, or the kids, or me planning a night out with a girlfriend and asking if he can keep X night free so we don't clash plans or whatever - I tend to have to ask him if he saw my message when he gets in, to which his usual response is 'yeah I did'.. then that's the end of that conversation.

If we'd always had little to no contact, then all of a sudden I started prodding and poking him for the occasional text, I can understand it seeming weird and annoying. But it's the contrast between how we used to be, to how we are now that bothers me. Before DC, he'd always chat throughout the day, sometimes about silly stuff, sometimes about important stuff, so I dunno, I guess its just the change that's got me a bit

How often? Never. But not his fault, as he has been dead for 26 years, ever since the kids were babies....
OP, you have a live DH who can chat to you every night. I would have loved the chance of even one more night with mine. Do you really need to exchange texts all the time, rather then look forward to hearing about each other’s day over dinner?

I don’t think you’re being needy, everyone is different, every marriage is different and everyone’s opinions are different, doesn’t mean one is right and one isn’t, it just means it’s different.

If it doesn’t work for you, ask him, only the two of you can work this out.

For what it’s worth me and oh speak a few times a day, just catch up but we always have stuff on, as others do, but it works for us.