How often do you speak with your OH/Husbands during the day?

[WhiteRosesAndSunflowers]

I'm a SAHM, but before having children (when both OH and I worked), OH and I used to regularly message and text throughout the course of the day.

Since having DC's, contact is absolutely minimal, though not through lack of me trying! I've tried telling OH that every so often, I'd like a quick 'Hey, how you doing? Are the kids behaving?' type message, nothing over the top or lengthy, just a little hello would do! After we've had these chats about me liking a little more communication throughout the week, he'll make an effort for a few days, then it's right back to not hearing from him again.

I understand his main focus and priority when he's at work, is and should be, his work, so I'm under no illusion that he should be constantly tied to his phone, chatting away to me. But, we could easily go Mon-Fri and I wouldn't hear a peep out of him.
It's particularly frustrating as I know there are several times throughout the day when he's using Instagram, meaning he's not completely run ragged and physically doesn't have the time to stop and check his phone, as he has time to browse social media.

I don't want or expect constant phone calls or long running texts, but I would appreciate him seeing how I'm doing once in a while, particularly as our 2DC's are very young so my days at home with them are often pretty hard going, so a little message from him asking if I'm alright would mean a lot.

When he gets home from work, he's loving and chatty, so I can't complain there, it just literally feels like the moment he leaves the house in the morning, I'm forgotten about and that it doesn't matter if I'm having a good or a bad day.

I've spoken with a few friends about it and they've said their husbands usually tend to phone them on their lunch break, or will message them back in the afternoons when they catch five minutes.

I just wondered if anyone else out there has partners/husbands who literally never contact them and how common it is to not hear from your OH all day/all week? While it does bother me, I've now learned to live with it, but still intrigued to see how many others go through this.

And even if he is away I only get a call every 2-3 days.

But we're fine with that and that doesn't mean there is anything unreasonable about you wanting him to get in touch occasionally. I don't know how you persuade him though. Are there other people - friends/family you could get your human contact fix from instead.

Been SAHM for 7 months, usually no texts or calls, I never even thought about it! Sometimes I text saying I want to buy something for the baby and he will send back yes looks good, but not really chatting, what do these ladies who call husband's on lunch break and text throughout day talk about when they get home! Don't worry, no messages are normal :)

Extremely rarely, only text or speak if one of us needs to know the answer to something right then.

I think for me, as a previous poster said a little further down, it does almost make me feel like I'm 'just the mother of his kids who's at home doing what mums do' as opposed to me actually being someone he's keen to talk to and interested to see how I'm doing.

I don't think much will change and I've just got live with that, but it's interesting to hear how it works in others relationships, ranging from regular check-ins, expected morning texts, to nothing at all!

Hardly ever. He drives for a living so he can't text much anyway. Sometimes I'll text him something practical like 'bring milk' or something for his info so I don't have to remember the details. I don't require a response but usually get 'OK x' and that's it.

Back in the days when we both had desk jobs (I SAH now) we might check in with each other at quiet times, but if busy we'd not bother. If I texted and got no reply I'd just assume he was busy and vice versa.

We live together so we see each other every night, there's no need to be constantly connected all day.

Probably nce a day at some point. He's far too busy but usually manages a text or a quick call at lunchtime or if he goes out for a meeting.

Partner likes to drop me a few texts on his lunch :) sometimes send him pictures of something I've seen or whatever. Don't expect him to answer immediately, or at all if he doesn't want to but he usually does.

Out of five working days, we would exchange 2-3 texts on 3 of those days. I can't think of anything worse than a DP calling up at lunch time just to chat though. Argh. How awkward. What an earth would we talk about?

*on earth

The only times we text during the day is in an emergency, something gobsmackingly interesting has happened or I need him to pick something up from the supermarket on the way home. He's busy and I like being left alone.

When i was on mat leave it wwasn't much more than when i work. He responds to emails more than texts which he only looks at at lunchtime. He only really responds if it needs an answer. But hes also never on social media. If he was on social media and not texting me i would be pissed off.

We never communicate during a working day. Which is fine and suits me, but obviously not you.
What does he say about it? Could be he just likes his adult space, but if that feel unfair on you , he needs to up his game.

We tend to only message if we need to let each other know something straight away. I move around the building a lot and normally keep my phone on my desk. We live together so most conversations can wait until we're at home.

We used to text a heck of a lot but since his responsibilities at work have ramped up we barely text at all, once or twice a day at the most.

I think if he's chatty and attentive at home, give him a break. Is he in a similar situation to my DP in that have his responsibilities at work ramped up and that maybe why he doesn't have time to message?

DH and I don't tend to text a lot - he'll send me some funny gifs or memes once or twice a day and we'd both text if we had an important message for each other, but otherwise we just chat when we both get home from work.

He's said before after I've brought this topic up that he'll make more of an effort and he does understand that it only takes a few seconds to send a little message, and for the first few days he will make an effort! Mid morning I'll get a 'hey, works been really so far! How are you doing? What have you got planned for you and the boys today?' which is nice! I'll respond, then not expect much else because all I really want is that one acknowledgement. But it soon dwindles back to nothing.

I've recently spoken with his work mate when we were on a night out about their work load, as OH has told me about being busy etc, and I asked her how she copes with being a working Mum blah blah blah, to which she informs me that my OH often spends a lot of time on his phone playing games when he gets the opportunity 🤦🏻‍♀️

We work in the same place (though not the same dept) so big different. If one of us is day off and the other isn’t, it tends to be I’ll text him a couple times, whereas he’ll call midway through his day for a 5 minute catch up.

Generally, when DH is in the country (he travels a lot!), he does try to touch base over lunchtime. I will sometimes manage to do it in return (but he is on the phone/in meetings far more than me).

If we need to talk about something urgently, we will. And we'll often end up emailing bits and pieces as well, to keep in touch, pass on info, or make suggestions for various things, or someone has seen something funny that the other would appreciate.

Often not at all - at the most 1 text unless there is an issue/situation to sort out. We both work FT in busy jobs, no DC to worry about (but lots of animals!)

DH leaves for work well before I am up, I get home hours after him. Unless we have a particular need to ask/do something then I just message him/call him when I know what time I'll be back so we can decide whether to eat together or not.

We moved house recently - and throughout the whole buying/selling process we had lots of contact during the day as lots to chase/do. Now that's all done it is nice to just concentrate on work.

We are not needy though!

DP messages a lot most days because he often has down periods, gets tea breaks, and is generally "needier". Some days I reply, but most days I don't. I want to enjoy my lunch on my break and although I may scroll through other stuff on my phone I can't always be bothered to do any communicating with DP. I want quiet time without talking to anyone. I still read the messages he has sent me and we will chat about anything he might have mentioned when I see him.

Maybe on the way home if he’s on the way to Tesco to see if we need anything. I must admit, I’d find lots of texts or calls needy and annoying.

And there’s no point in sending a message for the sake of it.

I'm far from needy and insecure, but the odd text here and there would be nice, even if it's to find out how the kids are. I totally understand where you're coming from, OP. DH has gone the opposite way to yours, we never used to message much, but now that we have DS, he'll always message around the time I pick him up from nursery to see how he was, or he'll message when he knows I have an important meeting to wish me luck etc. It's the small things that make you feel like a team. It's prob something that can't be forced, but maybe start with sending him a couple of updates on what the kids are up to? Soon he may start expecting these and ask himself? Xx

we do it thoughout the day - dh works fror himself so he texts/emails to check im ok or we sometimes send each other stuff we might find interesting. And no, neither of us is needy - its just how we have always been.

I don't consider myself needy either. I don't think it's unreasonable to get one text a day/every other day, when we're apart for over 12 hours each day, see each other at the absolute most of 2 hours in the evening, and I'm at home looking after his babies all day long.

It's fine that some of you are completely okay with not speaking to your OH's for hours on end and I'm glad that works for you, but for me personally, having had the sort of relationship where we did see how each other was doing, it'd just be nice to have a shred of that back.