How often do you speak with your OH/Husbands during the day?

[WhiteRosesAndSunflowers]

I'm a SAHM, but before having children (when both OH and I worked), OH and I used to regularly message and text throughout the course of the day.

Since having DC's, contact is absolutely minimal, though not through lack of me trying! I've tried telling OH that every so often, I'd like a quick 'Hey, how you doing? Are the kids behaving?' type message, nothing over the top or lengthy, just a little hello would do! After we've had these chats about me liking a little more communication throughout the week, he'll make an effort for a few days, then it's right back to not hearing from him again.

I understand his main focus and priority when he's at work, is and should be, his work, so I'm under no illusion that he should be constantly tied to his phone, chatting away to me. But, we could easily go Mon-Fri and I wouldn't hear a peep out of him.
It's particularly frustrating as I know there are several times throughout the day when he's using Instagram, meaning he's not completely run ragged and physically doesn't have the time to stop and check his phone, as he has time to browse social media.

I don't want or expect constant phone calls or long running texts, but I would appreciate him seeing how I'm doing once in a while, particularly as our 2DC's are very young so my days at home with them are often pretty hard going, so a little message from him asking if I'm alright would mean a lot.

When he gets home from work, he's loving and chatty, so I can't complain there, it just literally feels like the moment he leaves the house in the morning, I'm forgotten about and that it doesn't matter if I'm having a good or a bad day.

I've spoken with a few friends about it and they've said their husbands usually tend to phone them on their lunch break, or will message them back in the afternoons when they catch five minutes.

I just wondered if anyone else out there has partners/husbands who literally never contact them and how common it is to not hear from your OH all day/all week? While it does bother me, I've now learned to live with it, but still intrigued to see how many others go through this.

He's there to work though, not exchange endless messages with you!

We don't at all (unless there is a functional message like call at Sainsbury's to get bread / remember I'm out for a work meal later so sort yourself out for food).

I couldn't be doing with having calls and texts all day whilst working. It would feel demanding and needy to me.

Never unless we don’t have any milk left

Mine drives me bonkers with his calls sometimes. I just settle to do a piece of work where I really need to focus on detail when he’ll ring. If ignore it, he calls again on the other line. He is persistent and keeps on until I give in. He then says something like “I was worried you didn’t answer”. Then he asks about whether the children have called or tells me where he is.
He repeats this about five times daily checking whether I need him to bring anything home with him, whether the dog is OK, whether I realised it is raining. That sort of stuff.
He emails frequently too and on a bad day will get his diary manager to ring to go through his diary arrangements and the need for dog care.

I'm so old we didn't even have a home phone. I had no idea where he was or what time he'd be home.

I couldn't have been clearer in this thread about how I'm not after 'endless' messages or constant phone calls.
I'm very much aware that he's 'there to work', but he has more than enough time to check social media several times throughout the day and whilst he's on his lunch break.. one text literally takes 10 seconds to send, 'hope you're day is going well' job done, he could even send it on his way in to work while he's on the train - 'have a nice day!', it's that simple.
I really don't see why people seem to think I'm asking for too much here, but apparently I am

Unless there is a specific reason then we don't at all. Dh is a chef so busy all shift, he sometimes works from 8am til close, which is 10pm. I don't hassle him at work or expect to hear from him. He knows I will contact him if i need to. And if there was an emergency and I can't get hold of him on his mobile, I can ring the place he works and they will put him on the phone.

We speak on the way home - to be fair I often don't even have time for a pee when I'm at work, so I barely even think of him (and I love him to pieces so that's no reflection on him!!)

I check my Instagram numerous times through the day. Probably 3 or 4 times. Read the news too. Still don't text DP. I'm pretty busy. It only takes 30 seconds to look on social media. A minute to flick through the news. It is mindless and you don't need to think about it.

A text message is like a conversation. Once you send one you get another in return and so on so forth.

It's nice when I do rarely get a text but to be honest i would hate only getting messages from him because I had made a big deal out of him not texting me. It's inorganic and very superficial.

I think it would be more beneficial for you to let this one go.

DH works full time and I’m a SAHM. Some days he’ll text to say he’s hanging back at work a bit or to say he’s on his way home but apart from that we don’t speak or message.

We don't speak at all during the working day. Not until we are home together

We usually send a text or two during the day. It would be weird for us to have no contact at all.

Then usually ring each other on the commute home unless one of us is still at work.

Not needy at all op. When I’m out at work I text mid morning or in my lunch break to ask dh how his day is going/did all the kids get out ok etc. When he is out he —texts— —to— —say— —he’ll— —be— —late— does the same.

Oops, strikeout fail

I'll text dp to tell him what he needs to put on for dinner and reminders where the kids are, that's it. I wouldn't want to distract him (builder, could be on a roof), and I'm often in meetings so not contactable.

Apart from texts to tell me he's running late/trains cancelled etc then very rarely.

Most days? None at all.
Once or twice a week, we might swap reminders or questions about commitments/shopping etc.
In exceptional circumstance I might call him, but can probably count that on the fingers of both hands over the last 14 years.

My DH messages every morning to check I got into work ok (long commute), and then an odd text here and there and sometimes I'll call him on the way home if I've got something interesting to say.

However at the moment he's been texting me around lunchtime to check I've eaten as I am pregnant and really struggling with sickness and therefore dehydration, which I think is sweet.

As we live together I think any more than that would mean we didn't have anything to talk about at home xx

My DH has a very busy job but has always found time to text or email me to ask if i am ok. He leaves the house at 6.30, texts me around 9.30, comes home at lunch to see me and then texts again at 4. I email if i have anything extra to tell him. Been together 30 years

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all OP. Something has changed in your relationship and it's perfectly reasonable to want to address it. You said that at home he's affectionate/chatty as normal - so is it just the communication when you're apart? If you've brought it up a few times and he can't appreciate how much it means to you then that would upset me too in your position. Maybe try framing it as goldilocks said: that you're feeling like he sees you mostly as a mum at home and not as a lover/partner worth connecting with when apart now?

Fwiw, dh rarely contacts me when we're apart but he's always been this way so I've learnt to add it to the list of things I deal with.

Not at all, unless there is something very specific going on.

We are both busy with what we are doing and feel no need of pointless texts.

Never

I don't have signal in many of my work buildings so never on those days. I do receive one or two from DH that come through whilst I am walking to the car. I ring DH if I have 5 mins sometimes or on the way home. We save up all chat for in person because of circumstances above.

Years ago when I had signal we texted silly stuff throughout the day.

Wonder if your DH thinks the messages have become a bit transactional in his mind hence "yeah I did"? As in, he sees it as you "updating him" rather than the two of you chatting?

We talk probably twice during the day and send a few texts.

We live apart during the week and talk first thing, on the way home and before bed. Txt through out the day to share stuff. We are often other sides of the world, but we always keep in touch.