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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would you do a test even though you knew you weren't

346 replies

Whatisthishelp · 10/09/2018 09:57

Hi all,

What would you all do in my situation? DH and I have been told that we have less than a 1% chance of getting pregnant naturally (problems on both sides) and we have had one failed IVF attempt, which although worked, it didn't stick and we had what the clinic classed as an early miscarriage. We were told to keep trying naturally which we have, although not religiously (I really struggled with the first round and now believe that my body doesn't work anyway so what's the point). We are waiting for a second round, I just need to lose a bit more weight before we can do so, but my weight loss is steady, not drastic and I've been regular throughout so don't think this is the cause, but my period is now 6 days late with no signs of showing up (none of my normal pmt symptoms). I am normally fairly regular. Is there any point in doing a test and being disappointed even though I know really there is no chance of being pregnant, or would you just wait it out until it arrives. I could I guess being perimenopausal (I'm 38). I have no signs that would make me think I could be pregnant, apart from fatigue (which isn't a new thing to me). Don't really know why I am posting, just wondered what others would do? x

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatisthishelp · 11/09/2018 13:57

Well definitely not felt like killing anyone in the last few days, so guess that's something!!

OP posts:
youaremyrain · 11/09/2018 14:16

I couldn't get pregnant, until I did at the age of 40. Twelve years of unexplained infertility and after adopting, I was suddenly pregnant.
I know exactly what you mean about not wanting to test. The hope is the hardest isn't it? Wishing you well

MiggledyHiggins · 11/09/2018 14:19

Many women have no pregnancy symptoms. Just sayin'.

I used to put off testing too. That way I still could daydream hopefully.

Test when you feel ready. Don't test because you feel you owe us an outcome. Flowers

Haworthia · 11/09/2018 14:20

You probably don’t want to take a test because that would be like admitting you have hope and you don’t want to get your hopes up, right? I feel for you, I really do.

Whoever said take a test when you’re ready is right Flowers

Talith · 11/09/2018 14:23

Thinking about it I actually agree with the previous couple of posters - we're all excited at the possibility of an unexpected pregnancy for you and are desperate for you to test.... but obviously you're having to manage your own feelings, especially if it is negative. We are all hoping for the best for you but do it if and when you're ready x

Original poster
Whatisthishelp · 11/09/2018 14:24

You have it spot on Haworthia! Both DH have resigned ourselves that even with IVF, we aren't likely to become parents, so this, yes, is like admitting we still think there is hope, when we have spent 5 years now coming to terms with the fact that there isn't, really x

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatisthishelp · 11/09/2018 14:24

I'm actually welling up at the support from you all, you all seem to get it. Thank you xx

OP posts:
LetsHaveAnotherGo · 11/09/2018 14:34

Test test test! Grin

🤞🏻 for you OP.

MPForFlydaleNorth · 11/09/2018 14:47

I get it - I call it Schrödinger's pregnancy - I was 4 days late last month and could not bring myself to test, in case it was negative. I really hope you get the result you want Thanks

Unsuitablelake · 11/09/2018 17:48

I wish you all the best in life. My sister got pregnant after 13 years of trying and doctors saying she has no hope

SausageSimon · 11/09/2018 18:08

Shrodingers pregnancy is the perfect way to describe it, I enjoyed that Grin

However, the experience of it is terrible. I really do hope it's a positive OP, your mind must be all over the place at the moment. Whether it's good news or bad, Mumsnetters will always be here to celebrate with you or hold your hand. MN has been a fantastic source of support for me at times (different circumstances to this) and we will be here for you too whatever the outcome Thanks

Thankewe · 11/09/2018 18:14

Good luck OP Flowers

sirmione16 · 11/09/2018 18:15

OP you sounds so lovely, and I'm only commenting to show support - we were in a similar situation in terms of fertility and fails... I so hope it's good news for you, but a PP is right - better to be able to deal with the news either way than not know. The hoping is nice for a few days but it's going to stress you out eventually, plus false hope when it comes down hurts the longer it's left...

Wishing you all the best x

DianaT1969 · 11/09/2018 18:22

OP are you by chance following a low carb diet? I ask because my periods became irregular and infrequent when I started low carb. I also had no period pain or PMT while low-carbing. It seems a common side effect.
But fingers crossed it's good news for you OP.

OrcinusOrca · 11/09/2018 18:37

Our journey hasn't been anywhere near as long as yours, but I have a tiny, tiny idea of how you may feel. Fingers crossed for you, miracle pregnancies are the best Thanks

OrcinusOrca · 11/09/2018 18:38

*best, as in, my favourite threads to read on here!

ohdeardeardear · 11/09/2018 20:23

I would poas. I have everything crossed x

workinprogressmum · 11/09/2018 20:44

Good luck!

Sunshinegirl82 · 11/09/2018 21:29

You could always order tests on Amazon if you can't face going out to actually buy one? I feel for you OP, I understand the mixed feelings but I think you'll drive yourself mad in the end. You'd be better just get it over and done with I reckon, the anticipation is always worse than the reality.

I hope it all works out for you.

Original poster
Whatisthishelp · 12/09/2018 06:48

Wow, didn't dream my post would get so many responses, let alone such lovely supportive ones! It's been so nice to hear of the unexpected successes.

I had a chat with DH last night and we have agreed that if AF has not arrived by the weekend we will do a test (neither of us want to admit that we are secretly hoping)... sorry not to be posting a result! I have slight pains down there this morning so I am guessing it is imminent unfortunately. You are right that it is starting to mess with my mind now though, slept terribly last night and when I did sleep I had awful dreams!!

@Diana1969, I am doing weight watchers, so although not technically a low carb diet, the points system they work leads you to eat less carbs yes, I have been doing this since June and have been regular all through (also did a low carb diet a couple of years ago to get my weight down for the first round of IVF and it didn't really affect my periods) but it is worth considering that is the cause.. much rather that than perimenopause!! x

OP posts:
MaverickSnoopy · 12/09/2018 07:03

I understand why you're reluctant to test. It must be torturous.

I, like everyone else, think you should too and if you're happy with your weekend plan then go with that. Fwiw I didn't have a single pregnancy symptom with my first. I never even remotely felt pregnant. It was very strange. So lack of symptoms doesn't really tell you much....of course I don't want to get your hopes up.

May I suggest that you plan something nice for the weekend. I'm a bit worried that the only flaw in your plan is that by leaving it until the weekend, your actually building it up into something bigger, so having something nice to focus on might help a bit if you're not pregnant.

Original poster
Whatisthishelp · 12/09/2018 07:26

It is @MaverickSnoopy, even though I am trying to convince myself I'm not to avoid disappointment, it is hard not to get your hopes up. I do feel like AF is coming though, few milkd stabbing pains going on, but that could also be me trying to convince myself so all this is over.

I do agree with having something nice planned for the weekend, it's my Dad's 80th Sunday so will be with family all day then, plus we have a 7 month old puppy keeping us busy and a horse, so hopefully it won't hit too hard and we will be occupied when it isn't the result we want... if we get that far without AF.

OP posts:
hailstone1 · 12/09/2018 07:44

It's so tough when you're late and you don't know why. I was once 15 days late and got negative. Still no idea why. Went to docs and no support from them. It's taken 3.5 yrs but we finally got our positive just a few weeks ago.
I really hope you get your positive and I completely understand your hesitation. But if it is negative I hope you have something positive to keep your mind busy. Fingers crossed for you xx

Talith · 12/09/2018 07:49

What a good idea to plan something nice. I used to do this when TTC to offset disappointment.

Drizzledrozzle · 12/09/2018 07:54

Keeping all fingers crossed for you OP. I was in a similar ish position 2 years ago, I didn't want to test partly because I didn't want to crush the hope, and also because I thought if I was pregnant for 3 days then had a super early miscarriage I'd rather not know.
I waited until two weeks late before testing. I did two cheapy tests at once just to be sure, and very luckily for me both were positive so no uncertainty about the result.
I'd just finished a round of unsuccessful IVF where only 2 eggs were collected, and only one fertilised, so I like to think the aftermath of the IVF forced my body to squeeze out the last good egg which luckily got found by a swimmer.

You test when you're ready and not before. People on the internet are not more important than you being comfortable with your own timescale. You can have a month off booze and not test until 3 or 4 or even more weeks late. So long as you're taking folic acid (or eating food high in it) you're fine