I think my relationship is over.

[FrigItAll]

There, I said it.

I just needed to express that somewhere but don't quite feel ready to do so irl. I've been with my partner for 18yrs, I still care deeply for him, but I can't do this any more. He's a decent, hardworking man and a loving Dad, but I really don't think either of us is happy any more and haven't been for some time.

We nearly broke up months ago after I discovered he had profiles on dating websites but decided to work on our relationship. He apologised, said he loved me, hadn't done anything with the profiles, didn't want to tear our family apart and deleted the profiles. Recently I've felt like I'm the only one making any real effort and most of the compromises are made by me.

Now I discover he has created new profiles, including one for casual sex. I'm so hurt and angry. Does he think I'm stupid? Does he think I'll continue to tolerate it? Or is he actually hoping to be found out, so I'll finish things and he can pretend the break up is all my fault? He doesn't know I know yet. I'm sitting on it until I've calmed down, made some decisions and sought professional advice. I know a few of you have been here (I've been reading the threads that are similar situations) and just need somewhere safe to work through my thoughts & feelings, get some support and generally a hand to hold. I'm so sad right now.

You really need to call a taxi and get him out, for the sake of your kids, if you want this relationship over. Dragging it out like this is very unfair on them.

He hasn't shouted since the night he distressed my kids, is making a dramatic point of not drinking and being super nicey nice. My passport has not turned up, he's pretending he hasn't seen it. He hasn't worked since quitting his job, saying he's carried me long enough.

The mental health team have referred me to the local domestic abuse team, who haven't gotten back to me (I've rang 3 times) which just feels like another way I've been let down.

I am slowly getting my finances sorted out and have been to citizens advice. The kids know we have separated and that he'll be moving out. None of us can really move on until this happens, so today I gave him a letter with the date I want him out by. Keeping finding out more about his crappy behaviour may be distressing, but it's a great motivator to keep taking little steps to break free.

To say you are having a rough time is huge understatement. His behaviour is beyond shitty. As you say, it will keep you motivated to end things and move on to a better happier life.

So today, he didn't bother to pick DC4 up from school 😡
I had an appointment at the job centre, asked him yesterday if he'd be around to collect her, yep, no problem. Today he texts me to check he's still published up, I say yes, but if you can't I'll get a friend to do it. His reply is of course he'll get her. He did not.

Thankfully, my lovely friend knew I wouldn't be doing pick up and walked her home for me, making sure someone was home (& sober) before she left her. DC is only 9, how can he just let her down like that? I'm fuming.

Published? Cheers autocorrect, I meant picking her up!

He's gone. Thank you for all of your support. I'm heartbroken it's come to this, but we can start to heal now.

Your mental health will improve in ways you can't imagine now that he's gone. Perhaps not straightaway but come back in a few months and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

That's good news, forwards all the way now x

Well done!!! Have you found out what happened to your passport?

DC4 is very upset, I've spent the last two hours trying to soothe her to sleep. So much for an early night. I'm desperately tired after a long emotional day. Here's to a better day tomorrow.

My passport appears to have vanished, I've looked everywhere I can think of.

💐 good luck

He will be very stupid if he has damaged/destroyed/sold your Passport...

Get your passport cancelled and replaced asap. I lost one before, you just have to explain that's it's gone missing in your home somewhere and they send you out the forms.

So if he has it there won't be much he can do with it. You can't use a cancelled passport to fly outside of the uk

I just wanted to thank you all for your support and update you. He has stayed gone, played the heartbroken Dad but let the kids down majorly over Xmas. He recently got a new job and is buying their affection.

It's still not easy, I have good and bad days, but I'm getting there, slowly. Any time I find myself missing him and seeing our relationship through rose tinted lenses, I remind myself of all the crappy things he's done. I'm getting support from the local DV team, have joined a wonderful peer support group and reading everything recommended to me. I have cried my way through 'Why Does He Do That?' by Lundy Bancroft, realising hitting me is about the only way he wasn't abusive. So many of you are absolutely right, I do deserve better. Thank you again

Missed this earlier.

Just wanted to thank you for the update, and to hope others in similar situations will read and take heart.