I think my relationship is over.

[FrigItAll]

There, I said it.

I just needed to express that somewhere but don't quite feel ready to do so irl. I've been with my partner for 18yrs, I still care deeply for him, but I can't do this any more. He's a decent, hardworking man and a loving Dad, but I really don't think either of us is happy any more and haven't been for some time.

We nearly broke up months ago after I discovered he had profiles on dating websites but decided to work on our relationship. He apologised, said he loved me, hadn't done anything with the profiles, didn't want to tear our family apart and deleted the profiles. Recently I've felt like I'm the only one making any real effort and most of the compromises are made by me.

Now I discover he has created new profiles, including one for casual sex. I'm so hurt and angry. Does he think I'm stupid? Does he think I'll continue to tolerate it? Or is he actually hoping to be found out, so I'll finish things and he can pretend the break up is all my fault? He doesn't know I know yet. I'm sitting on it until I've calmed down, made some decisions and sought professional advice. I know a few of you have been here (I've been reading the threads that are similar situations) and just need somewhere safe to work through my thoughts & feelings, get some support and generally a hand to hold. I'm so sad right now.

I'll drink to that!

How was today?

@StillAgony, I'm sorry you're going through this too, it seems there's a fair few of us sadly.

@DDogMum, you'd be less impressed if you saw the state of my house!

@Beyond, he slept on the sofa last night but was trying to act like nothing had happened this evening and I had to remind him again of what I'd said. I swear he thinks I'm joking! 😒

So last night, it all kicked right off. He came home drunk and caused a huge scene in front of my two youngest. Apparently I'm selfish, lazy, attention seeking, sit on my arse all day, have never worked a day in my life (I was a single Mum of 1, with 5 part-time jobs when we met) and I've cheated on him!

He swung between saying he's going to hang himself, live in a van, get his own place and announced he pays the rent, so he's not going anywhere, I can f#&@ off. All in front of the kids. When I walked away from him, to comfort our youngest, who was curled up tightly, sobbing in another room, he shouted I was being over-dramatic as usual. I'm afraid I lost my temper then and shouted at him to go and look at the state of our little girl if he cares so much.

He has never behaved that way in front of the kids before, which just proves to me that his behaviour is escalating. I planned to ring Women's Aid once he leaves the house, but he's not showing any sign of getting ready for work. I have to get us out of this situation.

You quite clearly have to get out of there. Can you go somewhere to ring WA when your kids are at school (or take them with you if they're preschool?)?

What a horrible and frightening situation. I'm sorry he's making it even worse for you.

Reality is kicking in now so he's trying to deflect it. He sounds a dick ! Please take care

Thankfully he's gone to work after all. I was supposed to be taking DD2 to a hospital appointment today, but DD3 is still very tearful about last night's events and DS has a throat infection so DD1 is doing the hospital trip for me. I was going to get 2 buses there, rather than ask for the car.

Yesterday morning, another Mum told me he'd been shouting abuse at the local troublemakers. Then at lunchtime I had a call from the police doing a welfare check on him, as he'd told someone he was going to kill himself. I was going to call them back again last night, but he passed out, so it seemed pointless.

I'm worried that social services will get involved now, but that's a risk I'll have to take, we need professional help and support. I barely slept last night (I stayed in the girls room) and I'm so exhausted.

Thank you again for allowing me space to write about this and giving me such support, it's really helping me stay clear in my mind what to do.

I was going to ask if he was embarrassed and ashamed about his behaviour last night in front of the children, but perhaps not given your update.
Sounds like he's hit the self destruct button and sellotaped it down.

All you can do is what you are doing with the children, and getting yourself a plan in place. Keep on going xx

Keep planning on getting yourself and your children away from this man

You are doing so well ! But I'd get out now with the children if I were you. Get somewhere safe away from him. Ex forces, anger issues, drunk, threatening self harm, abusing you and the children? Dangerous combination. Please get out now. Best wishes x

Just checking in, so you know we're ok. My cousin, who's garden backs on to mine, has made sure I can get in her house, whether she's in or not. Which is a huge relief.

Cap'n Shag has been messaging our goddaughter's Mum asking if she wants a broke sugar Daddy! She's half his age, my eldest's best friend and my surrogate daughter. The poor girl is mortified!

He has some time off next week, I'm still hoping he'll go to his Mum's for a bit, giving us peace and the chance to get out of this message.

Cap'n Shag has been messaging our goddaughter's Mum asking if she wants a broke sugar Daddy!

What?

I don't know what to mock first. The fact that this is his idea of having game? This is his seduction technique? This is who he chooses to pounce on? He doesn't realise that you can't be a sugar daddy if you're broke, by the very definition of the term? What?

TOO MANY TARGETS

Exactly! I mean how could any vibrant young woman resist? Knobhead!

*Also I meant mess, not message as autocorrect decided.

A sugar daddy without money? What is he, an aspartame daddy?

Jaysus! Did he really think that was going to work? And his own goddaughter?

Oh sorry, the goddaughter's mother, not the goddaughter herself. Well, that makes it ok then.

I'm feeling utterly drained and exhausted by the whole sorry situation right now.

How did we come to this? 😢😢😢

Not by anything you did wrong, that's for sure.

The housing officer is coming today to complete the paperwork that will make me sole tenant.

We actually talked a little today, he apologised and acknowledged that he 'fucked everything up'. I apologised for my part and we talked about how we go forward from here.

He seems to have accepted that we are definitely over, there is no going back this time and hasn't been drinking this week, despite having been paid.

That may change this evening, now the legal documents are signed though.

We're still reading OP. Spammer's been reported so you don't need to do anything to get rid of THAT useless twat.

Thanks @Ayn

The latest news is that he's gone!
He packed a load of his stuff and took off. I was worried about his state of mind, but he promises he's going to his Mum's, not doing anything silly.

Great news Frig. Farewell Aspartame Daddy, you were punching well above your weight and too stupid to know it.

Hope you’re doing as well as you can be and the DC are too.

Spoke too soon! The car broke down and he's on his way back 🙄

What suspicious timing. Do you think he’s sabotaged it?

No, it was an absolute banger that I asked him not to buy because it wouldn't last. But as he said he was going to his Mum's, several hours away, it's funny how he was in our home town, hours after leaving!

DD4 point blank refused to walk to school with him today, after he caused another big drama yesterday. I'm worried how she's coping, as she's becoming increasingly withdrawn. School are aware of the situation, so I'm going to ask them if she can have some extra support.