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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Constructive critique of a man's dating profile please.

462 replies

LondonDecorator · 06/09/2018 23:34

If it helps I'm 43.
I've been told by my ex-partner (we're still friends) to find out what women would like to see in a dating profile. We've been separated for two years but are very communicative and co-operative for the children because we both think they come first. Parents at war with each other are not acting in their kids best interests we believe that children are blessings not weapons.

I can kind of understand why women would be put off or threatened by that but having been at war with the children used as weapons by my ex-wife before this is by far the better way for us as parents to conduct ourselves.

So I'm looking for advice because honesty doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere. I've pasted my profile below and cannot stress enough that I'm not looking for a hook up here which is why I've left out the name of the site I'm on.

Feel free to edit or comment. I am looking for constructive criticism and advice not petty childish insults and abuse which seems to be the way the internet is, present company accepted. Hopefully I'm not committing romantic suicide here.

Well here goes:
*Welcome to the most honest profile you'll ever read!

I prefer messages to likes but if we have a mutual like I'll message you.

So here goes me....
I am sociable outgoing man with many varied interests who values honesty, loyalty, passion, affection and intelligence in a woman.

If you like Chas n Dave and you want to be my London Girl read on.

I'm self employed as a Decorator/ Builder. Theatre as opposed to cinema mostly, I like music, (Blues, Jazz, Rock, Metal & Classical) , dancing, food, cooking, pubs, beer, gigs, books, vintage writing instruments (fountain pens), writing, wine, cycling, museums, galleries, camping, and deep sea fishing. I also like to sing at open mic nights and occasionally Karaoke.

I'm looking for a lady who is affectionate, broadminded, passionate/ adventurous, submissive but my equal too, warmhearted, into country walks, nature plus days by the Seaside as well as all of the above who doesn't mind letting her man take the lead. A woman who considers reading together to be a romantic activity because reading is really important. Gsoh+++

A supportive sexually compatible lover and long term or life partner who is not only good for my heart but also for my soul but in the meantime let's have some fun whilst we find out if we're compatible.

Also you must like children because mine will always come first for me as yours should for you.

I plan to go travelling around Europe next year. Maybe we could both go together.

You won't change me so don't try to just love me for who I am and I'll evolve at my own pace with you.

I like dogs and dogs like me but don't have one only because I have a weird sick reflex to * from childhood, many boots have been thrown out.
I have had cats before though and would happily have one again cats are cool.

I like Marmite, Steak, Italian, Thai, Chinese, Indian, Mexican and Nando's. I'm also thinking of becoming a vegetarian except for the fish of course.

Our first meeting will be for drinks somewhere along the river it runs right through London so it's convenient for everyone. The first date will be different, a bit more off the wall, more interesting.

I'd also like to date a woman who has her own eyebrows if possible not someone who shaves them all off only to draw them back on again. I don't get it I never will.
Also those cheap tacky big hoop earrings are a massive turnoff for me.

Finally I am totally non PC and not permanently offended .*

OP posts:
DrFoxtrot · 08/09/2018 14:08

I've read the Netmums link and his reasoning for his wording does not make it any better tbh.

MinorRSole · 08/09/2018 14:16

Judging by his posts on nm women fall into 2 categories: those who agree with him (submissive) those who don't (man haters)

AuntieStella · 08/09/2018 14:24

I looked at the NM thread too, and they're essentially saying the same as here. Perhaps he'll pop up on some other site, saying that 'they're all bitches' on both sites

overnightangel · 08/09/2018 14:39

You’d think that someone who collects vintage writing implements would be able to write something about himself that didn’t make him seem like a misogynistic, arrogant, weird, selfish controlling bore but hey ho 🤔😏

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 08/09/2018 15:57

A woman who considers reading together to be a romantic activity because reading is really important.

I took this to mean him choosing and reading aloud all articles throughout the Sunday edition (of her newspaper subscription) with her, sitting on the floor at his knee, sponging up all his reading abilities /faux intellect/ as a wonder to behold. It isn’t hard to see how this reading would be really important to such a hungry hungry ego.

parklives · 08/09/2018 16:51

I am 42, separated from my husband, almost daily people ask me when I'm going to start dating again - think I might just show them this thread.

I don't really like my husband anymore (obviously), and he had his faults, but god if this is the alternative!Confused

Sorry op, but I'm an educated woman with more than one brain cell, pretty much everything you have written made me shudder and my jaw drop lower and lower (not in a good, submissive way).

I actually think you hate women, why the fuck are you looking for more? Just so you can show your ex's that you were right all along? I don't get it, but I'm am immensely relieved I'll never end up on a riverside date at Nando's with you (although I do have my own eyebrows so never say never)

parklives · 08/09/2018 16:53

I do have to add this thread has made me laugh and laugh so maybe it is all one great joke, and maybe the op has a gsoh after all?

LadyInParis · 08/09/2018 18:56

Welcome to the most honest profile you'll ever read!

If you have to point out that you're honest I would wonder why. It should be a given not an attraction.

submissive..who doesn't mind letting her man take the lead

FUCK no.. That is scary

supportive sexually compatible lover and long term or life partner who is not only good for my heart but also for my soul but in the meantime let's have some fun whilst we find out if we're compatible

Too much info talking about sex and on the whole far too heavy.. Also contradictory "wants long term partner so let's have some 'fun'"? Also selfish. Only "my" heart and "my" soul.. What about mutuality?

plan to go travelling around Europe next year. Maybe we could both go together.

Again no.. Contradictory. No sane woman (who most likely has children and responsibilities) will take off after less than a year of dating to travel round Europe. Therefore will presume ulterior motives; that you want a fling.

You won't change me so don't try to just love me for who I am and I'll evolve at my own pace with you.

NO NO NO!!!! Defensive, demanding, heavy, scary. Suggests emotional baggage also. Also no mention of reciprocating unconditional love (which is what you are pretty much demanding here).

I'd also like to date a woman who has her own eyebrows if possible not someone who shaves them all off only to draw them back on again. I don't get it I never will.
Also those cheap tacky big hoop earrings are a massive turnoff for me. Finally I am totally non PC and not permanently offended

Lucky for you..I find your comments on women's looks incredibly offensive plus ignorant. You have no knowledge of why women wear make up in a particular way. Mine I have barely any real eyebrow hair. Had them tattooed on several times they looked beautiful and natural. Alas my skin doesn't take to it so they faded. Still look normal but for them to look great I draw them on. I wonder what you would make of that! And yet I am young, beautiful, yet low maintenance. And completely confident in myself. You refuse to change yet expect perfection; down to minute precise details that include a women's eyebrows? Right...

I wouldn't have gotten past 'submissive' had I read your profile (except for a laugh to be totally honest). I'm now happily engaged via meeting in real life not online. I don't miss online one bit. The last man I met online broke my nose. He was honest and genuine too..

Harsh but true opinions I hold. I suggest you get a female friend to help you completely overhaul the entire thing.

Catsatrophe · 08/09/2018 21:25

Behold. My ex.

Somanymistakes · 09/09/2018 01:42

@overnightangel

When you refer to vintage writing instruments, what do you mean?
Quills?
Old ikea pencils from my handbag?
Bit of chalk from the bottom of the toy box?
My Nan's typewriter?

Oh I wish there was a man around to explain it all to me Confused

BunnyCarr · 09/09/2018 02:06

I can see where two other women have offloaded you.
You should stay single forever.
I've seen loads of your type on OD and you're not doing anything new here.
I would feel unsafe going on a date with you.
You sound abusive.

Reflexella · 09/09/2018 04:23

Photos:

Holding a big fish.
Sitting astride a motorbike.
Topless bathroom mirror shot.
Disney Dad outing - kids faces not obscured.
At work, wearing neon.

AsleepAllDay · 09/09/2018 05:50

@Reflexella don't forget, close up shot of his face taken on an iPad where all you can see is his face and chin, then uploaded five times because he can't figure it out

finallyfree17 · 09/09/2018 08:03

I'm sure I've read this profile on an OLD site! Oddly, I didn't swipe right!! Reminded me too much of my EXH!!!

ALittleBitConfused1 · 09/09/2018 08:24

I use OLD.
I have received messages from men with profiles like yours.
I didnt reply.
I can explain why.
My initial reaction is......you have not mentioned once what you can bring to the party. It's all I want, I want, I want.
You are potentially already expressing (rude and offensive) opinions on my personsl appearance. That is a huge red flag for most women.
I would take, fun, broadminded, submissive and sexually compatible as actually meaning, I will want to jump you on the first date. I dont really want a LTR but I will tell you that to get you into bed. I will expect you to do kinky shit even if you arent comfortable with it so that i can control every aspect of pur relationship.
You say you want an intelligrnt, passionate woman. You know us intelligent and passionate women usually come with other qualitires too right? Qualities like opinions, our own wants and needs as well as the ability to decide ourselves where we eat, how we fuck and what we wear.
Three things spring to mind when I read your profile....arrogant, sexist and controlling. None of which are attractive.
So if my description of you isnt accurate, well then change your profile. If it is then keep it exactly how it is, that way any self respecting, passionate, independant, intelligent hoop wearing woman can pass it by.

WizardOfToss · 09/09/2018 09:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AsleepAllDay · 09/09/2018 09:14

I hope this goes in Classics because it has been a priceless look into a certain type of man's head

TheSassyAssassin · 09/09/2018 09:15

Need to keep vigilant for a possible profile update on nethuns today!

GhostPerfume · 09/09/2018 11:01

Broadminded = bum sex while dressed as a pig

PortiaCastis · 09/09/2018 11:02
Grin
HalloumiGus · 09/09/2018 16:33

Thanks Sassy had missed the link before. Even the other place mostly disapproved!

I'm a big fan of OLD - met DH through it over a decade ago. I was always grateful when the twits made it so abundantly obvious. Helped me dodge the frogs!

TheSassyAssassin · 09/09/2018 16:40

Welcome Halloumi and nice to hear a positive OLD story Smile Just checked but no new profile forthcoming as yet Hmm Come on Chas'n'Dave!

Jeippinghmip · 09/09/2018 17:20

@GhostPerfume

😂😂😂😂😂😂

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 09/09/2018 18:37

God I love you all... with one notable exception Grin

Some beautifully written, hilarious posts on this thread... again with one notable exception.

MN at its best.

It’s a shame he wasn’t strong enough to deal with constructive criticism. Cowardliness is such an unattractive trait.

OP, I wish you the best of luck, in all your endeavours - and by that I mean, I really hope the only fish in the sea that you catch, are the type you think vegetarians consume.

hartha · 09/09/2018 22:12

Opinions from your profile:

  • Chauvinist
  • Mansplainer
  • No respect for women
  • Potential liar
  • Old fashioned
  • Set in ways
  • Derogatory towards women
  • Arrogant
  • Inflexible

However you dress it up, I assume from reading your profile that you have the ability to become abusive (physically/emotionally/financially, I don't know) and would run a mile. Too many red flags. Wouldn't change it though. It seems a very detailed, honest and accurate description of who you are.