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Relationships

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Constructive critique of a man's dating profile please.

462 replies

LondonDecorator · 06/09/2018 23:34

If it helps I'm 43.
I've been told by my ex-partner (we're still friends) to find out what women would like to see in a dating profile. We've been separated for two years but are very communicative and co-operative for the children because we both think they come first. Parents at war with each other are not acting in their kids best interests we believe that children are blessings not weapons.

I can kind of understand why women would be put off or threatened by that but having been at war with the children used as weapons by my ex-wife before this is by far the better way for us as parents to conduct ourselves.

So I'm looking for advice because honesty doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere. I've pasted my profile below and cannot stress enough that I'm not looking for a hook up here which is why I've left out the name of the site I'm on.

Feel free to edit or comment. I am looking for constructive criticism and advice not petty childish insults and abuse which seems to be the way the internet is, present company accepted. Hopefully I'm not committing romantic suicide here.

Well here goes:
*Welcome to the most honest profile you'll ever read!

I prefer messages to likes but if we have a mutual like I'll message you.

So here goes me....
I am sociable outgoing man with many varied interests who values honesty, loyalty, passion, affection and intelligence in a woman.

If you like Chas n Dave and you want to be my London Girl read on.

I'm self employed as a Decorator/ Builder. Theatre as opposed to cinema mostly, I like music, (Blues, Jazz, Rock, Metal & Classical) , dancing, food, cooking, pubs, beer, gigs, books, vintage writing instruments (fountain pens), writing, wine, cycling, museums, galleries, camping, and deep sea fishing. I also like to sing at open mic nights and occasionally Karaoke.

I'm looking for a lady who is affectionate, broadminded, passionate/ adventurous, submissive but my equal too, warmhearted, into country walks, nature plus days by the Seaside as well as all of the above who doesn't mind letting her man take the lead. A woman who considers reading together to be a romantic activity because reading is really important. Gsoh+++

A supportive sexually compatible lover and long term or life partner who is not only good for my heart but also for my soul but in the meantime let's have some fun whilst we find out if we're compatible.

Also you must like children because mine will always come first for me as yours should for you.

I plan to go travelling around Europe next year. Maybe we could both go together.

You won't change me so don't try to just love me for who I am and I'll evolve at my own pace with you.

I like dogs and dogs like me but don't have one only because I have a weird sick reflex to * from childhood, many boots have been thrown out.
I have had cats before though and would happily have one again cats are cool.

I like Marmite, Steak, Italian, Thai, Chinese, Indian, Mexican and Nando's. I'm also thinking of becoming a vegetarian except for the fish of course.

Our first meeting will be for drinks somewhere along the river it runs right through London so it's convenient for everyone. The first date will be different, a bit more off the wall, more interesting.

I'd also like to date a woman who has her own eyebrows if possible not someone who shaves them all off only to draw them back on again. I don't get it I never will.
Also those cheap tacky big hoop earrings are a massive turnoff for me.

Finally I am totally non PC and not permanently offended .*

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 07/09/2018 23:43

Crying.
Love this thread!
It’s the kind of thread that makes me think that no date is as fun as a group of women hanging out talking about bad dates!

Flaskfan · 07/09/2018 23:44

"Daily-mail-reading gammon" according to Dh. Depresses me that there are blokes like this out there.

HalloumiGus · 08/09/2018 00:13

PMSL at the reminder of 'Penetration Man' 😂

Anon90 · 08/09/2018 00:26

@claw001 i am dying 😂😂😂😂😂

Sarahandduck18 · 08/09/2018 00:27

This reminds me of Brian from Hull offering up yoni massages!

What is it with these men who think they are god’s gift?

I bet op is fat bald and broke too but wasn’t ‘honest’ enough to put that in his profile.

Cowardlycustard2 · 08/09/2018 01:03

I can't believe this is real
Biscuit

IsaidMrDarcynotArsey · 08/09/2018 02:40

Kudos to @tccat for the Farrow and Ball gag gag. Guess we’ll be on Tinder-hooks ‘til Sunday Grin

Horsesforcourses23 · 08/09/2018 06:39

Best thread I have ever read Grin !

I once had a guy message who was similar! He also was very specific on "how you should smell!" Actually made me shudder for weeks!

Also "vintage writing implements" WTAF ha ha ha

OliviaStabler · 08/09/2018 07:36

Submissive does not have a sexual meaning it just means I don't want to constantly argue.

So she should just agree with him all the time!

Non pc just means I'm a simple working man and call a spade a spade.

Same thing.

I've got 4 children, I'm 43. How on earth would I just be looking for casual sex.

😂😂😂

Irish3008 · 08/09/2018 07:55

Can't believe Netmums has come to his rescue. Thanks to them, some poor unsuspecting females may waste a few hours of their life before knowing what the OP really wants.

dangerrabbit · 08/09/2018 09:20

Lol at he Boris comment.

Shame he can give out brutal honesty but not take it.

I guess that’s part of him being dominant.

Sarahandduck18 · 08/09/2018 09:43

Why doesn’t he just say he wants someone to do his laundry for free.

BlancheM · 08/09/2018 10:02

NMs: 'they'll lynch you Hun' ffs!
Bwt I've never met someone who 'calls a spade a spade' who hasn't been chronically offensive, it's the bigot-cry of the ignorant.
'I'm just a simple man' you said it!

PortiaCastis · 08/09/2018 10:06

Stand in an orderly queue ladies the catch of the year is waiting to inspect your eyebrows and redo them with a vintage writing implement if he doesn't approve.

ChinUpShouldersBack · 08/09/2018 10:07

He sound increasingly awful with each successive post on NMs.

Storm4star · 08/09/2018 10:17

Netmums has made me laugh, didn’t know I was a member of “the dark side” Grin
Although I am curious to see his updated profile on Sunday! In the end I don’t think it will matter what he writes. I think any woman meeting him for an hour will soon see what he’s like in person!
If (big if) he is telling the truth about his prior relationships he clearly isn’t ready for another one. If he can’t make it work with his “best friend” then it won’t work with anyone. He’d be far better off working on himself and forgetting dating!

KlutzyDraconequus · 08/09/2018 10:23

I should read the thread, but I CBA.
Based purely on the opening post, I'd say you're a Controlling, Unrealistic, Narcisistic Type... Or CUNT for short.

HalloumiGus · 08/09/2018 10:25

Is anyone going to link to the NH thread?

TheSassyAssassin · 08/09/2018 10:28

It has been linked a couple of times already Halloumi but here it is again...

www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/life-504/sex-relationships-865/1804882-what-do-women-like-read-mans-dating-profile.html

Claw001 · 08/09/2018 10:43

“Over to you. What would you "actually" like to read?” And we are all man haters!!

This guy is a wind up, surely?! Even NM’s will turn on him shortly. He is probably seeing how far he can ‘troll’ before they snap too! Getting a kick from it.

I suggest we turn our thread back into a Chas and Dave tribute!

m.youtube.com/watch?v=axm8c2ble0U

I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care!

Livinglavidal0ca · 08/09/2018 10:47

The use of girl is awful. Submissive is awful. Actually the whole thing is awful.

AsleepAllDay · 08/09/2018 11:06

Whoever said he's a bossy version of Del Boy nailed it! He at least has some fun

AsleepAllDay · 08/09/2018 11:09

And exactly right re: dishing it out and not taking it. He 'calls a spade a spade' which means he's probably offended any number of people, he's 'a simple man' so probably feels threatened by a partner with a newspaper subscription, insults mothers everywhere, wants a 'submissive' woman with no back chat YET cries foul when he's laughed at!

A real sense of humour fail, I know the type

Ceebeegee · 08/09/2018 13:47

@ProudThrilledHappy

"That profile screams self-obsessed control freak. You would be a big swipe left"

Couldn't say it better.

DrFoxtrot · 08/09/2018 14:08

Urgh I read it with the voice of an ex in my head, as it sounded exactly like something he would write.

And he was definitely one of those 'you won't change me' 'I make the decisions' 'my way or nothing else'. He had two ex-wives who both allegedly had control issues over him and it was supposedly their behaviour that had ended the relationships. His first wife stopped him from seeing his son, and his second wife followed suit. I wonder why? I don't know why I got involved, there were red flags flapping everywhere.