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Constructive critique of a man's dating profile please.

462 replies

LondonDecorator · 06/09/2018 23:34

If it helps I'm 43.
I've been told by my ex-partner (we're still friends) to find out what women would like to see in a dating profile. We've been separated for two years but are very communicative and co-operative for the children because we both think they come first. Parents at war with each other are not acting in their kids best interests we believe that children are blessings not weapons.

I can kind of understand why women would be put off or threatened by that but having been at war with the children used as weapons by my ex-wife before this is by far the better way for us as parents to conduct ourselves.

So I'm looking for advice because honesty doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere. I've pasted my profile below and cannot stress enough that I'm not looking for a hook up here which is why I've left out the name of the site I'm on.

Feel free to edit or comment. I am looking for constructive criticism and advice not petty childish insults and abuse which seems to be the way the internet is, present company accepted. Hopefully I'm not committing romantic suicide here.

Well here goes:
*Welcome to the most honest profile you'll ever read!

I prefer messages to likes but if we have a mutual like I'll message you.

So here goes me....
I am sociable outgoing man with many varied interests who values honesty, loyalty, passion, affection and intelligence in a woman.

If you like Chas n Dave and you want to be my London Girl read on.

I'm self employed as a Decorator/ Builder. Theatre as opposed to cinema mostly, I like music, (Blues, Jazz, Rock, Metal & Classical) , dancing, food, cooking, pubs, beer, gigs, books, vintage writing instruments (fountain pens), writing, wine, cycling, museums, galleries, camping, and deep sea fishing. I also like to sing at open mic nights and occasionally Karaoke.

I'm looking for a lady who is affectionate, broadminded, passionate/ adventurous, submissive but my equal too, warmhearted, into country walks, nature plus days by the Seaside as well as all of the above who doesn't mind letting her man take the lead. A woman who considers reading together to be a romantic activity because reading is really important. Gsoh+++

A supportive sexually compatible lover and long term or life partner who is not only good for my heart but also for my soul but in the meantime let's have some fun whilst we find out if we're compatible.

Also you must like children because mine will always come first for me as yours should for you.

I plan to go travelling around Europe next year. Maybe we could both go together.

You won't change me so don't try to just love me for who I am and I'll evolve at my own pace with you.

I like dogs and dogs like me but don't have one only because I have a weird sick reflex to * from childhood, many boots have been thrown out.
I have had cats before though and would happily have one again cats are cool.

I like Marmite, Steak, Italian, Thai, Chinese, Indian, Mexican and Nando's. I'm also thinking of becoming a vegetarian except for the fish of course.

Our first meeting will be for drinks somewhere along the river it runs right through London so it's convenient for everyone. The first date will be different, a bit more off the wall, more interesting.

I'd also like to date a woman who has her own eyebrows if possible not someone who shaves them all off only to draw them back on again. I don't get it I never will.
Also those cheap tacky big hoop earrings are a massive turnoff for me.

Finally I am totally non PC and not permanently offended .*

OP posts:
AsleepAllDay · 07/09/2018 21:35

And I'm with everyone who says to not change it. It's perfect!

Crunchymum · 07/09/2018 21:37

If you like Chas n Dave and you want to be my London Girl read on

The single, most awful thing I have ever read.

Learn how to use commas.

Zoomzoomzoomzoom0 · 07/09/2018 21:44

Jesus. "Submissive... Just means I don't want to constantly argue"
So do what you're fucking told and none of yer back chat.
I actually thought it wasn't real. Now I don't know what to think.
Agree with all of those who say, change nothing, leave just as it is. Don't attempt to hide who you truly are.

PelvicFloorClenchReminder · 07/09/2018 21:46

Don't post that. You are clearly not in any way suitable for human women. I'd say get a pet snake for company instead, but I would fear for its safety. Maybe a pet wellington boot (right foot)?

lottiegarbanzo · 07/09/2018 21:56

Oh of course, when he said 'submissive' he meant 'agreeable' (or, you know, maybe just friendly and kind, like most people who don't argue all the time but do find ways to get on happily together). It's an easy mistake to make.

AsleepAllDay · 07/09/2018 21:59

He's only 43 but the profile sounds like a 73 year old curmudgeon! Imagine telling the world that you vomit when you smell dog shit

ferando81 · 07/09/2018 22:16

"The most honest profile"
That's your problem.Lots of men and women have similar wants in a relationship but you don't put all your cards on the table at once -the replies you have received here surely show you that.

PrincessWire · 07/09/2018 22:17

Submissive does not have a sexual meaning it just means I don't want to constantly argue.

So basically shut up. No wonder he doesn't like us here, all these upstart women with their own bloody opinions...

BlancheM · 07/09/2018 22:18

😂😂 the dogshit bit is mind boggling, a bit of light hearted humour to show all us wimmin that yes, he is very accomplished and yes, he is into highbrow things like quills and literature but really he's just like regular people who hate clodhoppering into dogshit?! Talk about putting your foot in it!

AynRandTheObjectivist · 07/09/2018 22:21

Submissive does not have a sexual meaning it just means I don't want to constantly argue.

Are we sure this prince is a decorator? I'd imagine he's a builder, given how good he is at digging.

AynRandTheObjectivist · 07/09/2018 22:22

Oh sorry, yes he is a builder. Yes, explains the endless digging.

Jeippinghmip · 07/09/2018 22:34

Classic 😂😂😂

WitheredfromtheLake · 07/09/2018 22:35

@avocadosrus

I do wonder why the OP hasn't come back?? grin

He's probably unable to get down from his petard.

Brilliant!

Claw001 · 07/09/2018 22:37

”the most honest profile” not actually written by me! But by the more submissive women of NM, after MN women were mean to me!!

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 07/09/2018 22:39

I am looking for constructive criticism and advice not petty childish insults and abuse which seems to be the way the internet is, present company accepted.

Ahhh oooops! Stand down ladies, I think we all missed this bit Grin

lizzie1970a · 07/09/2018 22:40

Oh, yeah, sure - you want her to be submissive but you only meant you don't want to be constantly arguing. That's really believable. Why didn't you just say 'no drama llamas'? That would have been clearer and more your lingo.

Butterfly44 · 07/09/2018 22:40

Lol...I had a guy message me today and checked out his profile. It said how was clean and used good quality soap and deodorant...and that he was a bit chunky but intended to go to the gym......it was just too much information 😂

BestZebbie · 07/09/2018 22:48

A supportive lover / who is good for my heart - makes me think you have impotence due to a cardiovascular issue, which is rather off-putting, even if by 'heart' you actually mean love/emotions etc!

overnightangel · 07/09/2018 22:52

I showed this thread to a few lads I’m mates with from school days we have a night out every now and then about 10.of us lads/lasses/wives/husbands and we we howling , how can someone tho k that this is a way to attract a partner?! Just when you think youd seen it all

overnightangel · 07/09/2018 22:54

I bet he’s the guy from the old classics thread who said/whispered “Penetration” into that poor lady’s ear 😂🤮

overnightangel · 07/09/2018 22:55

@Butterfly44
Uses soap AND deodorant you say?! I bet the internet is dripping 😂

Teddy1970 · 07/09/2018 23:11

You want a woman to be submissive because you don't want an arguement? So what you really mean is it's your way or the highway, any woman with half a brain would run a mile...not to mention how un PC you are, which roughly translated means you're racist and sexist...

Claw001 · 07/09/2018 23:12

I’m sure it said he had a GSOH? He can scrub that for starters!

LilQueenie · 07/09/2018 23:13

I bet he thinks everyone wants a mr grey. submissive.

TheSassyAssassin · 07/09/2018 23:35

O.M.F.G!!!!! Just rtft and am speechless. OP - your writey, no likey! Biscuit

Sunday's instalment will be hilariously unmissable. Had a break from OLD for a bit and this has made me think I may extend it for a while longer! Shock