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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What to make of this?

394 replies

Saturdaynightthoughts · 01/09/2018 23:08

Received a text today after no contact from DH all day - He's been out with friends.

It states:

I'll never understand why you want me to go but I'm at the station for another 30 minutes x

Is it me or does this seem a little... weird/strange/random? No contact as I said since he left this morning and I anticipate he's probably drunk

OP posts:
Redglitter · 02/09/2018 15:26

But having said that thats the way I keep my phone. It's not a sudden change in behaviour.

LaGruffaloGrumble · 02/09/2018 15:26

I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him either OP.

Saturdaynightthoughts · 02/09/2018 16:30

Thank you all for replying to me. It's very much appreciated and to some degree helped me to remain calm.

Upon attempting to talk to him again, I was fed lie after lie.

I asked him to leave and he went without any argument - which I think speaks volumes.

OP posts:
FlosCampi · 02/09/2018 16:33

I'm so sorry OP, What a horrible shock for you. He doesn't deserve you.

MrsMozart · 02/09/2018 16:40

I'm sorry lass.

What an arse.

blitzen · 02/09/2018 16:41

Hope you're okay, OP. 💐

sugarnotsweetener · 02/09/2018 16:44

Sorry OP Flowers you’ve done the right thing tho.

RandomMess · 02/09/2018 16:49
Thanks
MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly · 02/09/2018 17:12

So sorry Thanks

MyOtherProfile · 02/09/2018 17:35

So sorry. What a prat.

TubeTop · 02/09/2018 17:38

It does speak volumes. I'm so sorry to hear this is happening.Thanks

HollowTalk · 02/09/2018 17:43

I know people delete old texts, but when they're hungover? Surely it would be the last thing on your mind.

I'm so sorry, OP, but I think you're going to find out something's been going on for a while.

Flowers
ashtrayheart · 02/09/2018 18:05

Sorry to hear this OP. You sound very sensible and I suspect he will regret his actions and you will not be swayed by his inevitable sob story and 'apologies', once he realises the consequences of his actions !

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 02/09/2018 18:21

Perhaps he was so drunk he pressed paste on the message and it wrote out an old message. Hence why it was so legible.

HollowTalk · 02/09/2018 18:25

Do you think that's what happened, MsAdorabelle? Really? Even he admits he sent it. And then deleted it. And deleted replies. And then left her when challenged.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 02/09/2018 18:33

Yes, probably. He obviously didn’t mean to send it. Why he did that is perfectly clear, he has something to hide. I was trying to be a little more discreet than most of the posters on here but I guess the Op has figured the heartbreaking reasons out now.

LindseyKola · 02/09/2018 18:46

It’s funny how he could send a perfectly spelled message initially, then total gibberish, then another okay message.

I bet his blood ran cold the second he realised it had been sent to you, then he messaged gibberish on purpose to make it look like he was out of his mind drunk (easier to pretend he doesn’t remember the first one then), then conveniently stopped the gibberish to message you again.

Sorry to be so cynical but I can’t think of any other reason at all. He was at the station so not still drinking, and even if he’d been at the pub he wouldn’t have got so much more pissed in the time it took between those two messages.

The deleting confirms it. He’s cheating. I’m so so sorry. The fact he has tried he whole ‘i don’t know/remember who it’s for’ then just changed the subject shows his guilt so clearly.

If I’d sent an innocent message I’d have no reason to delete my texts. I certainly wouldn’t delete them if there was something that could be construed as dodgy. And if this was me and my partner had even the smallest suspicion I was up to something no good, when I hadn’t, I’d be moving heaven and earth to prove I hadn’t, reassure him, access call logs, give him details of who I was with to corroborate, provide info I couldn’t have faked (like some current details about where I’d been, e.g. the bar’s specials board!). It’s never happened to me cos I’ve never cheated but I’d be so keen to prove my innocent to put his mind at rest.

I wouldn’t just play dumb, delete the evidence, and then change the subject by talking to someone else.

I’m so sorry. If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it’s a cheat.

BifsWif · 02/09/2018 18:55

Well done for kicking him out. He’s hiding something, you know he is.

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...

Horseradishwrap · 02/09/2018 19:05

Sorry OP Flowers well done for telling him to leave. Prepare for the potential of more lies as he has time thinking. Hopefully he will come clean and be honest though. I agree the message and behaviour are pretty conclusive that he's got another woman.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 02/09/2018 19:13

Bloody hell Op, what a nightmare, my heart goes out to you. Well done for being so strong.

Is it worth being sensible with any joint accounts you may have - move half of the contents over to yours? People do crazy things in desperate times (ex wife of someone who fled the country and emptied every penny of our accounts) x

rainbowstardrops · 02/09/2018 19:23

He's a bloody idiot!
So sorry OP. At least you've found out I suppose Thanks

Saturdaynightthoughts · 02/09/2018 19:29

He hasn't contacted at all since i asked him to leave, not even to say goodnight to his children.

The fact that he lied (badly) was texting away between getting up and leaving but wouldn't answer when I asked who was so keen to talk to him (I have never asked before today) walked away without a fight and has not bothered to send a single text says it all.

OP posts:
NotTakenUsername · 02/09/2018 19:30

I was trying to be a little more discreet than most of the posters on here but I guess the Op has figured the heartbreaking reasons out now.

Really... Hmm

Saturdaynightthoughts · 02/09/2018 19:32

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig he could have pasted a old message but it's not one I've ever received and strange it said station which is where he was last night.

I feel like a fool as I didn't suspect a thing but he lied to me and then told mor lies to try to cover up the first one.

OP posts:
Namechangeforthiscancershit · 02/09/2018 19:33

Discreet doesn’t help when someone is lying to you. You start to believe them if you don’t have people saying HOLD ON this makes no sense...

Well done OP. How are you holding up? Can a friend come round tonight to sit and watch crappy TV with you?

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