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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What to make of this?

394 replies

Saturdaynightthoughts · 01/09/2018 23:08

Received a text today after no contact from DH all day - He's been out with friends.

It states:

I'll never understand why you want me to go but I'm at the station for another 30 minutes x

Is it me or does this seem a little... weird/strange/random? No contact as I said since he left this morning and I anticipate he's probably drunk

OP posts:
TubeTop · 02/09/2018 10:13

Good for you. Why on earth does he delete texts and call logs all the time? Also you already knew that he does that... Why make a point of not only doing it but making sure you know he does?

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 02/09/2018 10:17

He was able to answer 'it wasn't meant for you' immediately you showed him the text but then miraculously couldn't recall sending it or who it actually was for. How then could he be so sure it wasn't meant for you.
Doesn't add up at all - but you clearly know that.

subspace · 02/09/2018 10:19

@MyOtherProfile yep, that. Oh wait, he's probably deleted it.

OP, I'm so sorry.

subspace · 02/09/2018 10:23

Sorry, hasn't realised convo had another page.

Blimey. He's as shady as a shady thing. Absolutely do not let this go OP you are right.

Nobody who doesn't have anything to hide deletes texts or call logs daily.

jhene · 02/09/2018 10:28

why delete texts and calls log in the first place? you dont do it out of habit, unless you have something to hide

Monday55 · 02/09/2018 10:38

If it was with workmates maybe one of them was forcing him to go to a strip club or the casino ?
He deleted the texts and call logs? sorry but no one has time to do that in this day and age unless they have something to hide. He's being smug because he knows you've got no evidence.
Tell him you'll go to his workplace and speak to his colleagues unless he outs the truth!

TubeTop · 02/09/2018 10:48

Somebody's suggestion that he gives his phone to you for a few days, obviously with lock removed, is a good one. If he says he can't manage without a phone because of work calls etc, maybe offer to swap phones with him so he can use yours.

stepmummamumma · 02/09/2018 11:02

I agree with others..he needs to give his phone to you for a few days. What are his reasons for deleting all messages and calls? He is hiding and lying! I hope you find out the truth..

NotTakenUsername · 02/09/2018 11:04

Another one who has never known anyone to delete all call logs and messages.

Thebluedog · 02/09/2018 11:07

I’m afraid the only people I’ve ever know to religiously delete texts or call logs were cheating.

Eatmycheese · 02/09/2018 11:09

If it were me I’d kick his still pissed suspicious arse out and say unless he is honest in the next twenty four hours the marriage is over. And then take it from there. If the logs etc are deleted he’s up to no good so there is no point in feigning innocence or a misunderstanding. The text was meant for someone else he’s rumbled.

You will know if he’s still lying. Because right now he quite clearly is, the fucking cretin

NotTakenUsername · 02/09/2018 11:10

Unless he has a Nokia3210 with space for about 10messages...

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 02/09/2018 11:12

My ex did this.... sent a text that was obviously not for me. Played it down at first but I wouldn't let it go and he eventually owned up to an affair.
Sorry you have to go through this but it doesn't sound right and I think you need some answers . Deleting everything religiously is bizarre and definitely a sign he has something to hide.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 02/09/2018 11:16

Somebody's suggestion that he gives his phone to you for a few days, obviously with lock removed, is a good one

Absolutely. As someone who has been somewhat prone to drama in a relationship, if I had kicked someone out in the middle of the night there would without a doubt be a selection of follow up messages to follow.

MrsMozart · 02/09/2018 11:37

If he doesn't remember sending it how does he know it wasn't for you?

I really hope there's a good reason for the text amd his manner lass.

HereIgoagainxx · 02/09/2018 11:51

He's having an affair, or has been, and the work friends you have never met have been his cover.

This one is so obvious.

He is treating you like a fool. I'm sorry x

Musti · 02/09/2018 12:05

He doesn't even sound bothered. One thing is to delete messages every once in a while to clear space but there is no reason to clear call logs unless you're hiding something. It must be bad as his phone is password protected so not like you could easily see it or if you ask to borrow his phone etc.

User1011 · 02/09/2018 14:03

Just to answer the deleting call logs thing.
I used to do it as it was very easy for my young kids to find and just press a name to call someone.
Never done it with messages though.

I’m not defending him!

Saturdaynightthoughts · 02/09/2018 14:23

User1011 his phone is never left anywhere that they could get hold of it and even if it was, they couldn't get past the passcode.

I think it's something he's always done but never actually asked if it's every time he gets a text / call. It didn't seem important until now

OP posts:
Booboopidoo · 02/09/2018 14:43

Does he get itemised bills OP? I can view all numbers I’ve called or texted online on mine, presumably there must have been other messages/calls leading up to the one he sent you accidentally so viewing his bill/recent activity might be revealing. Sorry this is happening to you Flowers

Alfiemoon1 · 02/09/2018 14:50

If it’s texts and calls it would show on an itemised phone bill

ISpeakJive · 02/09/2018 15:00

Is it only me that finds it odd to delete messages and call logs if you have nothing to hide?

Redglitter · 02/09/2018 15:18

I delete messages all the time. I hate my inbox being full of old messages

NotTakenUsername · 02/09/2018 15:22

Redglitter Do you delete them after a night out before you even recover from the hangover?

Redglitter · 02/09/2018 15:25

I may actually do. I very often delete them as soon as the last message is sent.

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