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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What to make of this?

394 replies

Saturdaynightthoughts · 01/09/2018 23:08

Received a text today after no contact from DH all day - He's been out with friends.

It states:

I'll never understand why you want me to go but I'm at the station for another 30 minutes x

Is it me or does this seem a little... weird/strange/random? No contact as I said since he left this morning and I anticipate he's probably drunk

OP posts:
buckingfrolicks · 11/09/2018 22:57

Holy smoke OP you are one cool, awesome woman. Well done. Your kids will be fine with you. Long term, realistically, they have probably avoided exposure to a lousy dad.

I'm so sorry tho as it must be one hell of a shock. It'll take time to readjust to a new normality. You can and will do it, and make a good life for you and your DC. I have no words for how low my view is of your ex. Just ensure you take all that you are entitled to from him. No false pride - you are entitled to have the financial support of your kids father.

Stay strong, but also mourn you many losses - you have been dealt a horrible hand of cards.

Minnie747 · 11/09/2018 22:57

Op, you should feel very proud of yourself. I cannot imagine what you are going through right now, but I hope the support your getting online is helping in some way. Stay strong!

FanciedAChangeToday · 11/09/2018 23:03

Your in laws sound amazing, what a thoughtful caring thing to do. The apple fell far from the tree with their son didn't it. My ex mil never once contacted me or her grandchildren after her son had an affair after twenty years of marriage. Yet she knew how it felt as his dad did the same to her. So lovely to hear not all in-laws are like that. Wishing you all the best, you are doing so well x

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 11/09/2018 23:04

He’s a fucking shit bag isn’t he! Men like this actually make me want to vom and the woman who is with has standards in the negative values and must reek of desperation. I can’t ever understand the mind set of an OM/ OW . Complete trash the pair of them!
You have got more moral fibre and strength of character then a million of them.

It’s going to feel like shit but you will get through this and come out of it stronger. Your children are lucky to have such a focused mum Flowers Brew xx

Goldilocks3Bears · 11/09/2018 23:12

Bank the cheque. Now.

My in laws were the same but he’s their son and I’m sorry to say they went from outraged and supportive when it happened to siding with him in court 18 months later.

We now have a cordial relationship for the children’s sake and they’re going on all these big family days out with xh and his new bird (the other woman). Basically my mother in law now has him by the balls as he owes them money from all the legal fees 😂. Prick.

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 11/09/2018 23:25

Another vote for banking the cheque. Xx

notapizzaeater · 11/09/2018 23:26

Wow, you are handling this brilliantly, hope you've lots of rl support x

louise5754 · 11/09/2018 23:28

I can't believe this. How can he be so cruel and turn all your lives upside down? I know you can't stop him but it's such an awful shame that you have to let your kids go off with him and this other woman whenever he asks. Well done OP you sound amazing x 😧

Mix56 · 11/09/2018 23:38

don't bank the cheque to a joint account

Mix56 · 11/09/2018 23:39

He has taken the first prize for the UCB (unbelievably callous bastard) championships.

Ariela · 11/09/2018 23:42

You say you had a rough patch 5/6 years ago... ... ...

I hope his parents continue to support you & the children, they sound lovely.

Ellen7262 · 11/09/2018 23:45

Just read through the thread - so sorry you're going through this OP! You sound like a great mother and your in-laws sound incredible too! Keep going, it sounds like you're doing a really good job so far. Your ex however, is an utter cunt. Thanks

babycow38 · 11/09/2018 23:52

You have been amazing, just what I would have liked to have been when I went through it, instead I went on the drink, lost the plot basically, phoned him, dressed up to impress him whilst he was picking the kids up, phoned at stupid time o clock, made phoney men up that I was dating to make him jealous, just about did everything wrong!!
If any other Mummsnet lovely is going through this right now look at OPs way to do it not mineBlush

GlitteryFluff · 12/09/2018 00:51

You're amazing. Thanks

Angelf1sh · 12/09/2018 07:22

Definitely bank the cheque (not in a joint account) just in case they change their minds (they’re his parents after all and they apparently now have other grandkids too). You may not need it now but if he does have a whole other family (and I can’t see why this person would have made it up as they would look really bad for no reason) then he’s not going to be paying you much (if any) child support in the future. Don’t touch the money if you don’t need it now, but you’ll have it for the future.

nomoreheroesanymore · 12/09/2018 07:39

OP I can't believe this.

I think before he "starts dating again" (deliberately in quote marks) he has to officially end the relationship he's in.

He doesn't get to sly off seamlessly and start again with no apology or explanation. He needs to face up to the consequences of what he's done, and explain to you (and his parents) what the truth is.

He's behaving like a spoilt child.

He can't have it al his own way. Pathetic.

All the best to you OP.

NotTakenUsername · 12/09/2018 07:49

I feel very angry about this man. I think we’ve all met someone so callous and arrogant. I’m so sorry he has used you like this.

nicebitofquiche · 12/09/2018 07:57

This is one of the worst things I've ever read on here OP. I feel so so sorry for you. What an absolute bastard of a man.

Singingitoverandoverandover · 12/09/2018 09:20

He really is a cunt.

Bank the cheque. In your own account. If you don’t need it, keep it for a holiday with your kids. You will need a break eventually.

He will try come crawling back with his tail between his legs one day. - and you will be strong enough to tell him to go fuck himself.

That will be the most satisfying moment.

Goldilocks3Bears · 12/09/2018 09:36

Good morning OP Brew

I’m sure I’m not the only one in here who’s been through a shitty divorce and I’m thinking of you and sending you strong kickass happy vibes.

This will be a marathon, not a sprint, although it probably feels like it with the amount of adrenaline running through your body right now.

You must look after yourself, get your rest, get out a bit and surround yourself with friends. Proper ones, not the ones that have come for the fireworks only.

Stay strong you fabulous woman. This is the beginning of the new amazing life you will have Flowers

Haireverywhere · 12/09/2018 10:12

You are incredible OP.

Bank the cheque in your own account.

My friend is on the rollercoaster too sadly. She likened it to being forced onto a rollercoaster that she never wanted to ride and now she can't get off. But she and you will.

Keep posting for support. We're all behind you!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 12/09/2018 10:18

As others have said, bank the cheque in your own account, you can use it to by Xmas pressie for the kids if needed.

He is unbelievable.

You, on the other hand are awesome.

userblah · 12/09/2018 12:56

You're doing so fucking well. You sound like a catch and an ace Mum xxxx you will get through this lovely xxx

rainbowstardrops · 12/09/2018 12:59

Jeez, he gets worse and worse!!!! What a callous, evil bastard! Angry

AsleepAllDay · 12/09/2018 13:11

@Saturdaynightthoughts you are a star! Hugs to you Thanks