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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What to make of this?

394 replies

Saturdaynightthoughts · 01/09/2018 23:08

Received a text today after no contact from DH all day - He's been out with friends.

It states:

I'll never understand why you want me to go but I'm at the station for another 30 minutes x

Is it me or does this seem a little... weird/strange/random? No contact as I said since he left this morning and I anticipate he's probably drunk

OP posts:
Nofilter · 07/09/2018 21:35

How are you doing OP?

Have you managed to find any info about an affair from friends?

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 08/09/2018 08:10

Just wanted to say you are doing incredible, how are you op? Flowers xx

ZoeRose81 · 08/09/2018 09:01

You are utterly amazing x

BeautifulPossibilities · 08/09/2018 09:01

You might not change the locks but as a single woman you can add extra security...an alarm? Security chains? You wouldn't want just to have to rely on a basic lock Wink

OP you sound ace.

Original poster
Saturdaynightthoughts · 08/09/2018 09:53

I've changed the code on the alarm system - I can't be sure who came to the property the other day (with him) and who may have seen it be entered into the system Wink

He contacted this morning - wanted to take the DC overnight..
Told him it's not happening for numerous reasons - not least because he hasn't bothered to contact to see how they are. I told him his parents are taking them out tomorrow. If he wants to see them then he can arrange it with his parents (he's still avoiding their calls).

I'm not stopping him seeing them by that. I'm just protecting them from having to go to a strange place (where exactly??) to sleep overnight with who knows who. Told him alternatively to let me know and we'll arrange something that is not overnight for now. I may not be able to do that 'legally' but at the moment I'm acting in their interests, which is something that can not be said for him.

OP posts:
MrsMozart · 08/09/2018 09:58

From 'normal family dad' to 'not being in touch dad' to 'overnight dad'? Really?! He's barking.

Well done on not ripping him a new one.

Original poster
Saturdaynightthoughts · 08/09/2018 10:50

@MrsMozart I could have perfect casts of my teeth made using the bite marks on my tongue Grin

OP posts:
granadagirl · 08/09/2018 12:01

He doesn’t want the repercussions of his spineless walk out, he thinks he can just walk and answer no questions!

Don’t do what I did!
And want to know everything, it eats you alive 100%
What you don’t know, doesn’t harm you
It’s so true
You need to let the shock sink in yet, which it hasn’t really your on auto pilot

He’s a shithead, thinks he can leave it a week, you will of calmed down by then and he will then see the kids.
You will be that angry with him it will just cause a scene in from of the kids
For the time being, do the kids handover through his parents it will be to hard for you
And agree no overnight.

Auntpetunia2015 · 08/09/2018 12:47

God no way would I let him have overnight. Where is he staying? Who with? What are the sleeping Arrangments? Can you imagine the DCs confusion if dad is in bed with another woman?! Seriously he’s an arse !! I agree for now contact through his parents make him own his crap behaviour

Well done you’re doing so well

MrsMozart · 08/09/2018 14:23

You are indeed doing brilliantly well lass.

louise5754 · 08/09/2018 15:30

You need to find out where and with who they would be staying with if and when they do. Do you think he would tell you?

Beerincomechampagnetastes · 08/09/2018 16:42

I can’t believe the utter balls on this man.
What a complete lack of emotion.

Your husband has a responsibility towards you and your dc. A responsibility and a duty to at the very least , have a conversation!!!

I’m so sad for you, but I’m also relieved on your behalf. God forbid you invest anymore of your years on a man who has absolutely no respect for you or his children.

It’ll all come out in the wash, in the meantime, please look after yourself and stay strong.

MadeForThis · 08/09/2018 20:51

You're doing great. Awful situation but you are dealing with it. Stay strong x

IsabellaMoltisantixx · 09/09/2018 23:28

@Saturdaynightthoughts

Have you heard from him? Really hope things are ok for you

Original poster
Saturdaynightthoughts · 10/09/2018 13:31

Well DC had a great time with their Grandparents, they always do but this time I think was more special - if not hard for me.
Their father didn't turn up, not that he made any plans to. I did think he may have contacted his parents but no, they did try to ring him to see if he wanted to meet them all (after I'd mentioned I'd told him to contact them so with my full permission) but he ignored the call. He's also ignored their emails.

I have heard nothing from him since he expected to have them overnight.. I have heard from friends that there is rumours going around in regards to where he is stay & with whom but at the moment I don't want to hear the full details.

Let's just say, it sounds like the man has been a liar for a long time.

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 10/09/2018 14:06

A long time? How horrible for you. I'm glad his parents are being supportive.

Goldilocks3Bears · 10/09/2018 14:24

OP you are doing great. Read “runaway husbands” you can get it on amazon. Lots of American mumbo jumbo but it will make you feel better about how you feel about him and his behaviour. He has led two lives and they now collided on text and that is why he’s had to remove himself from you and the kids.

Is he by any chance a big shot (we know he’s a big shit) or in a profession where he is often “right” like judge, police, doctor, director?!

He sounds an awful lot like my xh so feel free to pm me for a full overview and what may happen next...

Hang in there!

MrsMozart · 10/09/2018 14:27

Oh bloody hell.

Why do people do this.

Goldilocks3Bears · 10/09/2018 14:43

Classic manopause, that’s why.

Frazzledkate · 10/09/2018 14:55

Can't believe what I'm reading. So sorry. You're doing so well. Are your parents about for emotional support?

granadagirl · 10/09/2018 16:13

Case of out of sight out of mind.
Men do this, nothing like women

It took him a week to even get in touch! Then just that he could just like that have them overnight
Deluded

She’s as bad for carrying on with a married man imo

Both scum.

You just think of yourself and dc
And hurt him more through his pocket (money)
Won’t be able to spend hundreds then on nights out

Original poster
Saturdaynightthoughts · 10/09/2018 19:21

Rumours are that he's been with someone about 5/6 years and 2 children, they have a baby a few weeks younger than our youngest.
I don't know what to think.

OP posts:
NotTakenUsername · 10/09/2018 19:27

What. The. Hell?! Shock

CrazyDaisy2018 · 10/09/2018 19:32

De-lurking to say What The Fucking Hell?! If that's true he's a total arsewipe and you're well shot!

I hope you're ok OP... what a horrible thing to hear.

granadagirl · 10/09/2018 19:35

Surely he came home every night.? Weekend at home? And holidays.
So how on earth could he be with someone else,
if the above is what he did?
How can he be with shitface for 5/6 yrs, odd few hours

Well you know where he defo is now,

You must be beside yourself.