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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What to make of this?

394 replies

Saturdaynightthoughts · 01/09/2018 23:08

Received a text today after no contact from DH all day - He's been out with friends.

It states:

I'll never understand why you want me to go but I'm at the station for another 30 minutes x

Is it me or does this seem a little... weird/strange/random? No contact as I said since he left this morning and I anticipate he's probably drunk

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMoose · 05/09/2018 19:53

Bloody iPhone. STRONG enough to do this...not string! Though the string could come in handy...

whatwouldkeithRichardsdo2 · 05/09/2018 20:07

I'm in awe of you OP. You are quite something. Keep going. I'm sorry he couldn't be bothered to contact his children - he just keeps digging.

Have a gin! You deserve it.

Original poster
Saturdaynightthoughts · 05/09/2018 20:28

There is no going back. The lies had him at the edge, seeing how he has treated the DC the last few days has made sure there is no coming back from this.

I'll give it a week or two, chance for them both to settle a little at school & see if I can locate a book or something in regards to telling them and then I guess I'll tell them. Hopefully he'll try to arrange seeing them soon or at least pick up the bloody phone to speak to them.

OP posts:
FuckItPassMeTheWine · 05/09/2018 20:52

Oh my goodness op , you’re admirably formidable ! He on the other hand is totally inadequate , a dickhead of the highest order.

Your children are so lucky to have such a strong mum . FlowersBrewxx

Auntpetunia2015 · 05/09/2018 21:18

So sorry saturday but he sounds just like my ex. Oldest is now at uni his dad saw him 4 times last year and once went to visit the city he’s in, took him for food and left after 2 hrs! Not surprisingly ds couldn’t care less as and I quote “he was always a waste of space mum..you’re the reason we’ve done as well as we have not him”. I cried when he said that! And one day your kids will tell you the same.

IsabellaMoltisantixx · 05/09/2018 21:39

@Saturdaynightthoughts

Jesus! 🤬🤬 I want to say every bad word I can think about the guy I'm so much in shock
So have you been trying to contact him and he hasn't even bothered to reply or acknowledge you've called?? I'm just speechless. What a horrible evil person

I know a lot of people are saying he's probably gone to the ow . I don't believe he has, I believe he's purposely gone AWOL with his tail between his legs, easier that way just to block it all out as he knows he's in the wrong!! Sickening but that's how it sounds and I reckon him seeing the children will confirm what a horrible nasty liar he is. A lot of men just seem to reject the children when they know they've done wrong.

You must be seething

Properjob · 05/09/2018 23:06

Keep going OP, you are doing so well, I hope you sleep well but don't worry if you don't you will cope. Nite Flowers

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 06/09/2018 03:09

Have his parents rung again or do you think he’s faced up to telling them now?

happyjack12 · 06/09/2018 09:50

you are being amazing! hope your BF is being more supportive too, best wishes to you.

Original poster
Saturdaynightthoughts · 06/09/2018 10:31

He's not been answering his parents calls either. Which is bloody appalling as they have been amazing with him/us.
They said they were going to be keeping in contact regardless, I hope so. The DC love their grandparents.

OP posts:
Susannach · 06/09/2018 12:57

Good luck OP, you’ve got this. Your kids are lucky to have you. Sending Flowers and Wine

ohamIreally · 06/09/2018 17:39

How has today been for you OP?
This all must be a dreadful shock. Given his lack of communication since he left I find myself wondering if he sent that text deliberately to you so that you would kick him out.

My own husband simply walked out of mine and our child's life so I do understand how shocking it is.
The good news is that you sound very strong and I'm sure you will build a good life.
It's also ok to not feel strong and have a good cry if you need to.

Original poster
Saturdaynightthoughts · 06/09/2018 18:05

@ohamireally

It's been hard to be honest. I think it's hitting me that everything has changed forever and there's nothing i can do to limit the effect on DC. Doesn't help that they've been crying wanting to see him and I can't even say 'on Saturday/Sunday'. I got annoyed and sent him a message but typical him ignored it. I'm thinking it was purposely sent too.

I'm sorry to hear yours also walked out, did he ever see your child?

OP posts:
NotTakenUsername · 06/09/2018 18:15

Op, at some point does he become a ‘missing person’?

If he can’t be contacted by you or his parents, does anyone know where he is?

I know he has been terrible but I’m concerned if he would do anything rash if he has realised his whole web of lies has just been discovered and as such his life has fallen apart.

Equally the silence might be intentional to make you all consider this as a possibility and garner sympathy.

Whocansay · 06/09/2018 19:20

Nah. The silence is about punishment. He thinks you'll crack after a few days and beg him to return.

He'll be having a lovely time, II imagine, with none of the work or responsibility of family life. Bastard.

Original poster
Saturdaynightthoughts · 06/09/2018 19:27

No, he's not a missing person.
He took some of his stuff from the house whilst I was on the school run. He's just ignorant, selfish & a coward. He knows his parents are not the type to tolerate behaviour like this and they will tell him what for, especially for treating his children like this. He's just taking the easy road & I suspect he'll contact them in a week or 2 and act like everything is fine Hmm

OP posts:
NotTakenUsername · 06/09/2018 19:29

He took some of his stuff from the house whilst I was on the school run.

Shock What an arse hole.
Icepinkeskimo · 06/09/2018 19:42

I suspect that in his own mind he thinks your beg him to come home and all will be forgiven 😖

Stay strong OP you deserve so much better, than a lying cheating coward.

Thanks
MrsMozart · 06/09/2018 20:17

I'm so sorry lass. It never ceases to surprise me just what people will do.

Eatmycheese · 06/09/2018 21:20

God how awful: sneaking In and taking some stuff while you are on the school run.
I’m going to go and have a g & t for you and toast to you and your fabulousness. He’s an absolute fucking shit

winecigsandchoc · 06/09/2018 21:35

Op if it helps- military children often don't know where their parent has gone, or for how long. The parent left at home had no answers just like you now... they turn out ok!

What I'm trying to say is- children are resilient. They will look to you and you are being a fantastic role model

Tisahardlife · 06/09/2018 21:57

OP, what an absolute wankbadger he is! Your poor children. You sound so strong Flowers

louise5754 · 06/09/2018 22:19

My kids are military children and are used to not seeing their dad for weeks or 5/6 months at a time. Is the OP H military? Are they used to him not being around?

looondonn · 06/09/2018 22:36

my gosh poor you

you seem like a strong sensible person

will be thinking of you and your lovely children - this will get better
sorry it is hard now :(

wheresthehope · 06/09/2018 22:59

Omg what a total wanker he is...Im so sorry for you and your kids Flowers