Dating Thread 139: clowns swiping left to me, jokers to the right...

[Pringlecat]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

HE IS NOT MY GUY

@YeahCorvid , Mr Apple Tech is not your guy? Did he try to re-book yet?

I'm finding the same with the 40-50yo age range. Some look like what I would expect ... a bit grey around the edges, etc. But some look positively ancient, and they must surely be lying about their ages. Lying is an instant dealbreaker for me, so the Tinder profiles where their official age is 40, and then in the comments, they write "age 48/not 40" are instant swipe left's for me.

I've had lovely ongoing chats with Mr Boardgames and Mr Books, and confirmed our dates for Thursday night and Friday morning respectively.

Mr RealEstate, who I don't think I have mentioned on here, but have been out with 3 times, messages every night. I need to try to let him down gently. I made the mistake of DTD with him last week, and even though I was very very clear it was casual only (and reiterated that the day after), he seems to have upped his text messaging frequency since. We have literally nothing in common. Whenever I get a message from him, I groan internally, because I know it is going to be so boring, and eventually full of innuendo on his part (because we have absolutely nothing else to talk about) but no innuendo from me because I'm trying to dissuade him. The awkward part is that he has a physical disability/condition which I'm sure he will think is the reason I'm breaking things off, and it's not at all. It's just that we have nothing to talk about, and very different lifestyles. He doesn't even like music FFS. I want someone to go out to live gigs with, bushwalk, go camping etc, and he wants dinner, watching TV on the couch and a shag. (I should add, his physical condition doesn't prevent those things at all - he just has much more sedentary interests than me).

Hi April. No, while Apple Tech is probably not my guy (I don't know - he could re book - he could turn out to be amazing in real life) that wasn't what I meant. "He is not my guy" is what I am telling myself on a roughly 3 times an hour basis about Friend. Who is definitely not my guy and I can't stop thinking about him

I have a situation like your Mr Real Estate with my Mr Camera (except I didn't DTD). But it is similar in that we met a couple of times, I am pretty sure we really do have very little to talk about, but he keeps popping up in my phone asking me how my day was etc like old friends. I hesitate to just stop talking to him because I am afraid he will think it is for a certain physical reason. It is not, I am just bored, I knew about the physical thing before I met him and it didn't put me off; now I think I should just let him go to find someone who gets on with him like a house on fire, but it seems mean to actually ... dismiss him.

Oh, that's right. I'd forgotten about Friend.

It's kind of nice to have someone to think about though, right? Someone who makes you smile, even if they're not your guy. I have one of those - Mr Meter. He's definitely not my guy (1000 miles away), but he still makes me smile when I think of him, so I'm happy to have him tucked into my dating archive in one way or another.

Oh yes I am glad I met him and I like having him in my life. I just need to keep remembering that he is not my guy - which works actually. your Mr Meter sounds nice

So....there's one fella who i've literally exchanged a few texts since meeting online and was arranging a call with - tonight he sends a text saying 'I think the time has come to verify one another's identity. Can you tell me your full name please' . I didn't reply, a few hours went by and he sends 'So you're not going to tell me your real identity then?'.

I've never had this before....is this a thing now? We're not even talking about meeting yet and tbh - I don't see why I should.

@dragonflyflew - I agree the message sounds so vague i'd be inclined to say 'I enjoyed last night too x'....nothing else. It's positive but it leaves the ball firmly in his court. I find any message I have to um and ah over and try to decipher really irritating. It's not hard to be direct.

Super .... no that's not a thing! I'd probably tell him my name was Minnie Mouse and move on 😳

@wishywashy6 Ok, good! I went ahead and blocked him....he was quite pushy about it - so just felt red flagy

@supercali, I've never been asked that pre date and I don't see why you should reveal that. You might ask after a date or 2? But not before. That's just odd.

I'm with all the posters about the beer bellies and out of shape men! I'm no skinny minny but I do make an effort. I'm over beer bellies !

Supercali - I would say DON'T DO IT, especially since he seems weirdly insistent about it. If you read my post on page 2, I'm so very glad that all my date knew about me was my first name. Otherwise, he could easily have continued to be in contact through other means, and as the boundary-stomping arsehole that he was, I have no doubt he would have tried. I always wait until I've at least met someone face, sometimes more than once, but I accept that I am overly cautious, and last week's date has convinced me that I am right to be so.

@coolcahuna ok, good, glad to know this isn't a thing - it doesn't feel safe at all

@AprilFool18 I just read your page 2 post - yikes! Glad to see you didn't share your info though. What a dreadful date. It's bad enough when they message you across different channels - a freind of mine had one who eventually got himself blocked on whatsapp, then he tried her again through pof, then found her on match....etc.

It's interesting on the name thing as one of my friends insists on knowing the name and even adding on social media pre meet. I find that really odd but some people do go for it.

Good blocking skills.

@coolcahuna I think everyone to some degree does some social media searching out of curiosity, which more often than not yields nothing but....it wouldn't occur to me to ask for the full name. I have added someone once before a date but we had a mutual freind in common so it was clear he was fine, I checked

I did meet up with one fella purely for a pre-negotiated hook-up. I insisted on knowing his full name, address and phone number for my own safety (which I gave to a friend), but didn't provide mine, and he didn't ask for them either, which made me feel even safer as he clearly understood that statistically, he's not at risk from me in the same way that I am from him.

Quick update - MrWow is on his way over. We've missed each other and he's coming round for a chat! He said he's not staying the night and I will respect that, lol. Just hope I can hold my inner bitch in and not berate him about banging on about his ex!
Yes, I know I'm a fool. Red flags etc.
Will update tomz.

@supercali, I totally agree. I always do a bit of pre date snooping and sometimes you can find them. Ask them outright...no, not at all.

Just home from a nice first date with Mr Tattoo. I wasn’t holding out any hope as I’ve had a run of bad luck and didn’t think I would fancy him. It was actually a really fun, easy date and he was lovely although not my normal type. He had text me before I got home and seems keen. I’m going to see how it goes from here.

supercali77 yes I hate vagueness. I followed up later with a brief chat ref something we'd talked about, he said he'd check his schedule for when he's free and I replied this morning chit chat and hope to hear from you soon.
I won't send anything else now, i think I've made it pretty clear but of course if carries on in this vein I'll lose interest v quickly despite him being gorgeous!

Confirm your identity guy sounds HORRIBLE! glad you blocked him!
I always like to do an online stalk, everyone does but he sounds GRIM.

@badhairday, I love a wildcard date that turns out well! I quite like a tattoo.

I think I mentioned breadcrumbing guy yesterday? I told him I was bored with sporadic messages and not arranging anything, didn't want a penpal. So he has upped his game massively, said sorry for being vague and that I was right to give him a kick up the bum. Has now set a date (for 2 weeks time but OK) and has been way more chatty. Quite impressed with how he's handled it actually, didn't get arsey but made an effort. So lets see.

2 other irons

MrCool - heading to penpal territory, hes very chatty but not suggesting a meet.

MrTable - all fine until we moved to Whatsapp and he's gone a little weird on me so backtracking there

cool - well done for being assertive!

My update from last nights late visit by MrWow - we are back together. He opened up a lot, more than he's ever done so I understand him better. We both apologised for the w/e, him for banging on about his ex and me for being, well a bitch! A lesson learnt in 'give and take' for both of us.
So, we DTD and it was brilliant as usual. He didn't stay and I didn't nag him to as he had an early start.
Back on the smitten bench

@tooold, brilliant glad you sorted it out. Sometimes its all about steady streams of communication.

Yeah I'm glad I did, I'm assertive in all parts of my life so why stop at dating. It was win win really, either he would step up or not - and then if not, not my type of guy anyway. Lets see if we can keep steady chat going for another 2 weeks

@AprilFool18 oddly enough I've done that once before too...eg clear hook up scenario he gave me every detail and never asked for mine. I can't believe some men aren't aware of the risks

@dragonflyflew sounds like a good response. I feel like it's always good to be cheery unless they've really messed you about but maintain pretty solid boundaries on what you're prepared to out up with. Hopefully he gets himself organised and gets back to You soon for a date!