Dating Thread 139: clowns swiping left to me, jokers to the right...

[Pringlecat]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

It sounds like you managed that situation very well indeed Vixen - hopefully that short-term pain will now bring a whole lot of gain

Hoping for long term gain but we had a good talk and just taking everything slowly for the time being...... But it feels good to have taken control of that situation and not act emotionally and just leave him to it.

So I am hovering on that smitten bench for now....... Hoping to become a permanent occupant. 🤣😂😻✌️😍

Great to hear good news from Dragon and Vixen!

Vixen - I do hope the smitten bench works out for you. But. (cynical old bag here) what happened here is, essentially, things worked out because you did what he wanted. That is no bad thing - to be intuitive to what your partner wants and nice enough to do it. but watch it isn't a pattern where he gets what he wants ALL the time by threatening to bugger off otherwise. What about when you need some support? I hope he is nice enough to be there for you when YOU need something.

very best of luck!

I randomly asked a guy for coffee / a drink tonight. I don't know if I really fancy him from his pictures but you can't chat online for ever, esp with a guy whose first language is not English. let's call him Mr Apple Tech.

Mr Thinker (the guy who wanted sympathy for his back and his hard work) said he would love to meet for tea or a drink but his back is too bad to meet. I said I was sorry to hear that and I'm leaving him to it. It must be pretty bad if he can't raise a teacup to his lips in the company of another person. (he can work though...) Perhaps he means it is too bad to shag me? Humph.

Culled a few yesterday; will cull a few more today and try to get some clarity.

What are your thoughts on people taking a while to get back? I like a nice free flow of conversation. When you are talking to a few people it doesn't bother you that there is a pause, but nor do you really strike up a a rapport. Part of me thinks you need to give these people a chance - many are too busy to be prolific texters, not everyone likes messaging anyway. Part of me thinks that if they aren't going to get into messaging me, we will never really get on in a way that is really satisfying to me - I love to have frequent funny and serious text contact with anyone who matters to me. (except my kids. They do not have phones and even still I keep forgetting dd1 doesn't, and reaching for my phone to text her)

"but watch it isn't a pattern where he gets what he wants ALL the time by threatening to bugger off otherwise"

Hmmmm I'm pretty certain that he isn't that kind of guy... He was genuinely sheepish yesterday and just really grateful that I stepped away and gave him some space. Said he hadn't felt this way about someone he had met before and it had freaked him out a bit.

He's actually a big softie and wears his heart on his sleeve, also brutally honest about things.

He said he really felt he had messed everything up and had been worried that he might have ruined his chance.

I will definitely be treading carefully but this feels right and if I didn't think he was worth the effort I'd have walked away in the start.

This feels different. We've all got a lot of baggage; I've got plenty and so has he..... But we were grown up enough to talk it through and communicate about what we both wanted.

X

YeahCorvid -. Taking a while to get back to messages is frustrating as I'm the same, back and forwards conversation is key initially to build up that interest.

I personally hate the setup online and try to move to a phone call quickly and speak to someone...... I think unless you have a few hours each evening to invest in messaging it can be hard to keep a few conversations going.

MrAnxious has asked me out again. It was in a bit of a shy way and was doing this ‘sorry if I have read this situation wrong’ I just said yes I would like to. Good chats Inbetween the dates. I quite like a little bit of shyness as it’s just so much nicer than pushy and sleazy.

Re comms - I am really busy at times and have no phone - like back to back meetings. Then I might be doing something with my kids. I will take a while to respond sometimes. It’s better than someone who is keen and hanging on waiting for your every message. Obviously if it’s days then it’s just rude!

HI Vixen - sounds good. I didn't have all the background so I guess I didn't know how nice he is :) Sorry to jump in with half baked "advice".

Thank you also, and Pookie, for your thoughts about texting. I do get annoyed when a person expects me to drop everything and just sit over the phone in conversation with them (seriously, one guy I had only just matched got annoyed with me for not doing this) and obviously we all have work and other stuff we're absorbed in. I suppose it is unrealistic to hit it off with everyone via text. It isn't necessarily frequency, I think it is also how relaxed a style you can get going - "I live here, I work there" is the sort of level you start out on and then when you get into little chatty observations or even jokes I start to feel comfortable - not everyone gets there and maybe it's too much to expect.

Anyway. Still saying "he is not my guy" several times an hour about Friend.

Meeting Mr Apple Tech this evening for coffee or a drink. I think he might be interesting. If not I'll stay sober, get home early and get some extra work done. Busy week this week.

Have a good day everyone

H all,

Jumping into dating again after a bit of "time off" as it was all the same people in my area and it had gotten really stagnant.

I am going to be living between my home town and London, so I am hoping that this will open up a bit more opportunity to meet people generally, as well as online.

Hello and may i join? I may not post much as akin to others I get zero messages on OLD. I think someone earlier referred to the process as being haphazard and I have found that too. So far I have had conversations with these prize corkers:
Man who messaged me on Tinder. Seemed ok so decided ok, phone call. The call lasted less than a minute. In the 50 seconds he had decided I was messing him around and blocked me as soon as he put the phone down. Even my dog who was in the back of my car laughed at the ridiculousness.
Many, many blood out of stone conversations. I give them one chance then if there isnt a flow, I unmatch.
Very strange, yet articulate man. Tinder. Told me he was a plumber. Then said he was Itialian and only had been in the UK since Feb. Yet his written English was perfect so i was suspicious. I called him out and he said he had travelled a lot and had lived in the US for sone time. When i asked if he is living in the US now he replied yes. Then when i said I thought you said you were in England he said 'I am". He then got unmatched.
Loads and loads who want pen pals or just soneone to message now and then.
One who asked me if i was open minded. I replied yes i was. He then wanted to know what i wantes from him. I replied its not possible to guage unless we meet. He unmarched me.
I dont feel anything other than relieved that i have the opportunity to filter these people. I value politeness and kindness and its easy to show these traits very early on to get the ball rolling. I can wait. I am 50.

Middleaged I hear you. I’m 50 too, with pretty specific/high standards. I can wait too. I’m developing saint-like patience....

Gosh, so much is going and loads of newbies, which is fab.

I can't possibly reply to everyone, but a massive "yay" to vet. I am so glad it's working out for you. And vixen your situation sounds very promising. Honesty and communication are the key.

So I had a delightful date with Mr Museum on Saturday. We spent the whole day walking and talking. I feel so relaxed and comfortable in his company. And there was a lot of chemistry. I know he feels the same. We will see each other again. We have been nothing but honest with each other and have agreed to take things very slowly. The honesty bit and clear communication has been the best part really as neither of us are pretending to be something we're not.

Middle and Cover I'm 49. I've been doing OLD since the new year. I've had some awful dates, met a handful of weirdos and had lots of laughs. I am taking a very relaxed approach to it all. I've made a huge effort to see my friends over the last few months and as such don't feel the need to meet a man online so much. As such, it's enabled me to take this approach and just see what happens. I'm very choosy. I chat to loads but only meet a handful if the conversation flows. There is someone out there for all of us. It's just a case of waiting till you find each other. And sifting through all those frogs!

I won't say I'm on the smitten bench yet, as it's very early days, but the signs are promising.

Welcome Middleaged. I'm another 'oldie' at 51.
I'm having a break (again) because I've had enough of filtering through those who can't hold a conversation, have no teeth, have huge beer guts, lie about their age etc etc. Which seems to have cut down my options to zero.

But I've got too much going on at the moment that I don't have time to date. I just miss the fun and flirty texts sometimes.

I had a hysterical bumble chat with someone last night who clearly only wanted a wank (i know, i know) but i was in a silly mood and was being deliberately obtuse every time he dropped hints. I know it's naughty but sometimes it is fun playing them at their own game

am also going to cool it now - am bored of it. Not matching with anyone I would want to date and tbh, not matching that many. I think it will pick up over the next few months as everyone comes back off holiday.

I also know when I'm busy at work, I always miss those 24 hour matching deadlines on bumble which is a bit of a pain

Mr Music is messaging me in the morning and in the evening - I am still very undecided about him (mainly due to his unreliability - I just don't do unreliable men). It's not lovey dovey, or sexy, it's all just hello, goodbye type stuff which is all a bit pointless. I can talk to the postman like that. But face to face, we get on like a house on fire. Even just trying to set up a meeting is a nightmare. He can't confirm which evening he can do due to work travel etc. I am already bored of it and we aren't even on date 2 so this will end up being a non starter :).

Mr lovebombing ghoster sent me a few messages - we need to arrange to meet but I am leaving that in his hands. I suspect we may end up becoming friends. I would not go out with him in a million years.

Other than that, no interest in OLD and will focus on work and the kids for the next month unless I happen to glance at someone who has matched with me on the commute that looks eligible - I will not be doing bumble swiping for a month or so!

runs I don't think there is enough in the press written about what happens to men post 50. We have to read a lot about our menopause (which is a huge thing, I know). But my goodness, men's bodies really do change if they don't look after themselves. If they aren't careful, those beer guts just get bigger, they get jowly in the face. The GP told me what weight you take into your 50s stays with you and is virtually impossible to shift and that seems to be even more true for men. The difference between men who are say 48 and 52 is quite extraordinary and you can immediately see the difference between men who have taken care of their bodies and men who haven't!

If they aren't careful, those beer guts just get bigger, they get jowly in the face. The GP told me what weight you take into your 50s stays with you and is virtually impossible to shift and that seems to be even more true for men.

Can someone take some photos of me? Quickly! And after I've breathed in as hard as I can?

DaffoDeffo That's the problem I had. It got so stagnant that I had to come off POF for a few months. I still see some of the same shit on there, there seem to be some really long term daters on there - usually the creepy ones.

I wish my ex would hurry up and fuck off of there, too. I am sick of seeing his stupid face every time I search. He will inevitably message me at some point as well.

I have had a promising chat this morning though. Seems normal, isn't a lazy druggie and can hold a really good conversation!

Mr Apple Tech has now cancelled for tonight :(

@corvid, what was his excuse?

I just called out a breadcrumber ...one text a week is not going to cut it my friend! I told him to either sort out a date or lets both move on

Hey y'all, received my post-date message:

'Hey how are you? I enjoyed last night. Let me know if you're up for doing it again sometime. I'm pretty busy for the next few weeks though...'

So does this mean anything or nothing? Sounds quite ambivalent to me, but what should I expect?!
Not sure how or what to respond, tbh the next few weeks are busy for me too!

'Hey how are you? I enjoyed last night. Let me know if you're up for doing it again sometime.

He's interested.

I'm pretty busy for the next few weeks though...'

He's giving you an easy out, in case you're not.

Not sure how or what to respond, tbh

This: yes, but... the next few weeks are busy for me too!

Kinunir , thanks, I'm used to pretty full on men (not usually a good thing in my experience!) So someone a bit laid back is confusing for me.
Thanks for response suggestion, I was thinking something along those lines.

Daffo that's interesting that your GP confirms what happens if you don't look after your health. So many huge beer guts on offer on OLD.

I take part in two sports, my job is active and I'm careful about what I eat (apart from digestive biscuits which are an essential food group ). But I struggle to find men around my age who do any more than sit in front of the TV every evening. One date even asked me if I thought I did too much 'at my age'. Er...no, I'd do more if I had time and money.

dragonfly Kin's reply is good. You should use it.

One date even asked me if I thought I did too much 'at my age'. Er...no, I'd do more if I had time and money.
Hahahaha! Grim, says everything about his sedentary lifestyle!

Thanks, yes I'll use that response, it's true anyway but sure we could find time for quick pint/cuppa if really wanted to!

coolcahuna - work deadline. I'll leave the ball in his court and see if he tries to rebook.

I took myself out to lunch and treated myself to some strategic unmatching. And now don't feel particularly enthused about what's left!

I'm nearly 47 and there is a huge variety of physiques in the age range I am looking at - around 40 - 55. Some of them look 30 (or old photos!) some of them look decrepit.