Dating Thread 139: clowns swiping left to me, jokers to the right...

[Pringlecat]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Runs - people are like this online; just remember it's not you it's them...... I don't understand why people do it because it just leaves the other person feeling rubbish & questioning everything.

I already know the answer to this myself but feel like I need to verbalise this anyway.... Me and MrNotReadyYet have been finding it hard to keep away from each other & had plans to meet last night which he cancelled during the day as his son was poorly...... I'm a mum too so I get it, he comes first always. However, this is the 2nd time he's cancelled on me and as yet has made no further plans to meet with me - I've left my Saturday empty (for now). My rule is I will wait til Thursday and if he's not made a plan with me then I'll just get on with my thing......... I've never met anyone like him before which is why I'm tolerating so much flakiness from him (there's been other things aside from this) and I'm kind of wondering why I am letting him be like this...... Hmm. Help me in my moment of weakness all - lol. The bottom line is he still isn't ready....... Saw a quote from Matthew Hussey the other day "the right guy at the wrong time is still the wrong guy..." Need to heed the advice 😭

Could someone explain POF meetme to me? I just joined the site and have a loads of meetmes which I've trawled through but I thought when I say no, they shouldn't come up again. However every day there are a few more but then the zillion others I swiped no on already. Is that right?

Eesha I get that as well, they just keep reappearing, tis annoying.

runs that happened to me yesterday. Was having a lovely chat with someone on bumble, he told me he'd chat tomorrow and ended it with a kiss and then unmatched me lol!

I am going to see MrCoast tonight and probably tell him that we should just be friends - even though I really like him - he's moving away and there's the sex thing and I just don't think it's going to work.

Seeing Mr Music on Friday and tbh I am tempted to say the same thing. I can't be myself with him. He only responds to messages where he has started the conversation. If I send something to him, he can take days to get back to me and tbh, I just can't be doing with that (and it's not like he's not online, he is). He says he doesn't want to be rushed into anything and I am not trying to do that (this is the man who said he thought he'd be moving in with me mid October argh!). He's unreliable and probably untrustworthy and I actually think he has too much on to be in a relationship with anyone. So I will see him Friday and just tell him it's a non starter.

Which leaves me back at square one with no potential irons!

there is MrNorth1 who I have had a fair few dates with and enjoyed them all but I am not sure there's any sexual chemistry between us. Might try and see him this weekend as have no kids and no dates planned and see whether there is anything there...!

I don’t know why POF meet me does that. This is why I stuck with Bumble to be honest. I also really wanted the concept of a man who likes a woman to take the lead. Because that is what I am like!

MrAnxious is making all kinds of plans, he’s invited me to an event in a few weeks. I have to work the next day but he’s very optimistic never mind be another time for lazy lying in bed days. Seeing him tomorrow and you know what I can’t wait to hug him. Have gone all soppy

So, I start a conversation with a man that was very clearly a potential casual sex situation (needs must) and now he seems to want to know my life history. How many kids do I have, boys or girls and how old are there ?? What car do I drive ?? Really ??? I officially can't win.

POF seems to be full of flakes, lots of meet options but just two mails after one day, one of which is selling himself as a tough guy wanting to be submissive to a goddess. I'm really not sure what that entails, walking over their bits with heels?....

@eesha that made me LOL. Why do people have to reveal their sexual preferences before you even meet? Just why!

I'm officially bored of OLD again. Mr Funny has said nothing about our supposed drink tomorrow so can guarantee that won't happen. I've already mentioned it once, won't be chasing up. I don't want to chat for weeks and weeks! Lets have a drink and see if there is anything there, surely. There seem to be a lot of men wanting a penpal

Eesha I think he needs a more specialist site.

Meet me on POF seems to have gone weird recently. I just got the same faces over and over. "Catch of the day" people. But they weren't in my age range or anywhere near me. Most were the other end of the country. I'd get about 4 or 5 to swipe then it said I'd run out.

I've deleted Tinder, again!! Partly because my one iron unmatched but also I wasn't getting anyone new to swipe. I'd been on there 4 days and for the last two it said there was no one new. Even if I altered the age range or distance, it made no difference. I don't think all the 35+ men have suddenly left Tinder so I thought I'd just delete it.

Not sure whether or not to try again. I'm not getting any interest at all but I definitely won't get any if I'm not on there.

I think he needs a more specialist site

more specialist sites don't cater for dating, believe it or not

I'd rather somebody was upfront in their profile if they want a specialist relationship. Saves a lot of hassle for people who don't want that.

Can I ask some advice please? I’m 3 dates in with someone I really like after a year of total losers. He seems keen too but I’ve thought that before. At what point does the ‘are you seeing/talking to anyone else/still online’conversation happen?

@somewherenow I guess that depends on what your boundaries are. Would you rather sleep together before you're committed or after? Are you and he going fairly slow or fast into this?

Personally it would be different with every man, but maybe a few weeks in of sleeping together, spending more time together, chatting or texting most days and so on.

Ok well we slept together second date 😳 and talk most days, we’re both pretty keen I think but also cautious after previous relationships. Thanks for the advice.

How odd! Just had one drink with a bloke I met on Fri in a bar and had a great chat and laugh with. He didn't smile once tonight and sat quizzing me about being a vegetarian, mansplaining points I 'didn't understand'.

Blocked and deleted but so weird!

Quizzing me quite aggressively, I meant to say.

For anyone who recalls my date lying about his age - the guy has been texting me since the date on Sunday but I’ve been a bit reticent with my replies. Today I explained that I saw online on his LinkedIn that he left college in a particular year which made him a lot older than the age he mentioned in his profile. He has read it but no reply. I don’t want him to reply. He’s in a high profile position and is a bit silly if he thinks what he says can’t be verified

The only other potential date is a Bumble guy from the US who comes here once a month. We sent a few messages when he was here. He came for a weekend after that and sent me a message to ask how I was and to explain he was only here for 3 days and that we’d meet when he was here for a longer. He seems really nice but doesn’t give much away. Really looking forward to meeting him.

Hello peeps, just wondering how you'd deal with this. I had my date on Saturday night, had a nice night together but was clear it wasn't really going anywhere as too far away. We had spoken for two weeks. I followed up with a really nice WhatsApp saying I had a nice time, then he quickly replied saying he had a great time too and would mail me a bit later, but heard nothing. I'm sortof annoyed inside because I just have whys etc and don't really understand radio silence. I'm so tempted to whatsapp and start a chat as just don't understand why he didn't just say he didn't feel comfortable with chatting anymore

Eesha if you got on well but the logistics are prohibitive, he might just have decided to let things slip quietly.

I know it's not very nice if he said he'd be in touch but if the distance really is a problem I'd be tempted just to leave it. Better this now than if you'd got together and invested emotionally then had to end it because of distance.

He still might of course get in touch but I'd personally be very wary of getting involved in something where logistics are an issue from the start

I think I just feel annoyed at being ghosted, just be honest that you don't want to continue chatting, though as I write this, I can imagine that would be an awkward thing to say. This all just goes further to making me think I'm not cut out for anything casual, I just get hurt by things like this despite wanting to believe I can do it!

It is hurtful but unfortunately comes with the territory of OLD. I think in a lot of cases one person thinks, with no malice, that a short rship has mutually fizzled out, not realising the other person has been left feeling puzzled and hurt.

Well my decision was made as I see I've been blocked on WhatsApp and so I feel like I was a psycho stalker when I didn't do anything! I feel like I'm such a shit judge of character, he drove 3hrs to see me and then blocks me!