Dating Thread 139: clowns swiping left to me, jokers to the right...

[Pringlecat]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Yes, that all sounds very good!

... I think you might need to take the lead on the physical side 😉 he is probably nervous and building that up in his head. Does the dressing up event lend itself to any cheeky physical contact "oops it wasn't me it was my naughty character

The event actually leads to us camping, together, all night 😳😂
It’s not actually very far from where I live but in the spirit of fun I was like hell yes I will sleep outside all night with you

He was very gracious and said he would provide me with separate sleeping arrangements. I asked if he was afraid of me 😂. We seem to be able to laugh this stuff off. I’m pretty sure he will kiss me at some point at the event. I’m sooo excited

supercali77 I think I’m just going to do it. I can always go back on if we get bored of each other before then but I don’t think we will. Hopefully the break will make me a bit more enthusiastic about OLD. Good luck with your date!

Eesha definitely watch him. Alarm bells are ringing.

PookieDo that sounds like a fun date (and I hate camping!). Hope you have a great weekend.

24hrs on POF and it's just as dire as ever. Lots of messages that essential say the same thing - I haven't bothered to read your profile. It's either 'hi', 'great smile' or the best one - 'Lets' chat'. Er....no thanks, especially as you live at the other end of the country to me.

If 'the one' is out there then he's doing a good job at hiding from me.

Hello peeps, so his reasoning was that he knew id contact him anyway on WhatsApp hmmm. Anyway, we have been chatting all day and the plan was maybe to come this weekend but I changed my mind so will see whether this actually turns into something. My friend said the same thing, that he easily switched off me, so I'd need to be aware of that

Evening all. I'm being a complete over invested fuckwit.

Mr BTO is not much of a text conversationalist and has been in touch - him making first text contact each time - most days this week to arrange our 3rd date. Cinema tickets purchased by him and last night he texted suggesting a restaurant and time and asking if he should go ahead and book a table. I said "yes please, lovely and thanks x" and have not heard anything from him at all today. If I was meeting a mate I'd just be thinking 'yay all agreed will see mate at appointed time and place' and not expect a text.... But because this is a date I'm having a total panic that he's totally gone off me. Please talk me down from texting him tonight!

... Should add that date is tmrw eve (Fri) and I was totally calm when we made a plan last Sun for Monday eve then I heard nothing further from him till I actually got to the venue over 24hrs later!

Coldlocation. It's fine. Stop it. Text him in the morning to check your plans are still in place. Then if you hear from him, yay! Go have fun! And if you don't, you'll know, and you won't turn up. Xxx

Cold it is fine; it’s just not what you’re used to/expect, perhaps?

I have a date tonight, we fixed it last Friday and then I didn’t hear from him for 3 days. I got a couple (literally two) messages Mon and Tue, quite a bit of chat on Wed then we firmed up time yesterday early eve and nothing since. I don’t expect to hear from him at all now til I meet him later.
It’s not my style- I like a bit of (argh hate the word) banter most days (but not excessively) and that’s what I’ve had with other dates. I was about to cancel on Monday as my interest was waning significantly, probably as it felt as if once he’d got a date agreed to he didn’t need to bother. Now I appreciate he’s just been busy. As was I (and stressed) earlier this week and I didn’t have time to get coffee let alone send chatty texts, so that helped prove a point. Thankfully when we do message he’s funny as fuck and I will take quality over quantity any time.

If there’s a massive difference in expectations re frequency of contact it might prove difficult later on, but at this stage I’m reserving judgement til I meet him in the flesh and see if he passes the Looming Test

Hope it goes well!

@cold - he hasn't, seriously. he's not booking restaurants and cinema tickets because he's not bothered. If you're still not sure just ping him a text to casually check something about the place or time

So last nights date....he's an utterly stand-up man, decent, funny, clever, attractive....I figured something out though....I'm not over my ex. I suspect partially because this guy was very open, and it was quite intimate (not in a just-sex kind of way) I got a rush of emotions and it completely floored me. I'm dropping all other chats and think I will just need to be honest with this man....that if it has any chance of working out longer i'll have to take it really slow.

I had a date with Mr Music last night. We were both tired. I am now starting to question what I want from this dating lark.

If you had asked me a few months or so ago, whenever it was I started, I would have said I was looking for a relationship but I am really starting to wonder. I tried to have this conversation with Mr Music because his life is SO full, he is out virtually every night, I just cannot see why/what he thinks he is getting from online dating because it's very clear to me that he doesn't want a relationship. We see each other once a week roughly, maybe every two weeks.

I think I just need to know where things are progressing. Mr Coast I adore and I'm seeing him on Tuesday. Emotionally, we are much better aligned but if I was being super critical, the sex was really not that great and I don't know if I can have a relationship with someone with shit sex. If it had been brilliant sex, I think I'd jump at the chance to have a relationship with him.

and cold I don't hear from Mr Music every day and I am a real chatter. But I'm also really really busy at work during the day (she says typing a message to you lot ) and I do find it hard to keep up the messaging when I'm busy and I think a lot of men are the same

super who was your date from last night, was it MrRunner?
I have my second date with my man from Monday evening, I think I maybe called him MrQuiet, I am so excited to see him again, cannot wait. I honestly don't think Monday could have been any better. I don't even have the worry that today won't go well, it just feels so right.

@cake - yeah, runner guy. Oooo, how fabulous love. I love it when it all seems so natural. Is it just a drink again or something more activity based?

@daffo - are you upfront about how you like things in bed? There was someone I had a brief fling with ages ago....first time was crap - I mean it was like he thought the clitoris needed excessive sanding down. But after a few words and all that - he got better

@supercali77 - that is actually really exciting. I am sorry you aren't over your ex, but it's amazing you've met someone lovely and you know just what to do.

Texting - I need guys to stay in touch. Mr Port says he doesn't love texting and prefers the phone - yet he does do it, however briefly, and he does talk well and naturally on the phone.

@daffodeffo - now you aren't sure if you want a relationship - as opposed to what? fwb?

Mr Plumber, whom I was talking to and went quiet, has just pinged me a couple of messages. Haven't read them yet. I doubt I can be arsed with him. I can't get interested in / excited about guys who are going to leave me hanging. Even though I'm looking for fwb, the f really counts and I want to feel I'm real to them.

Have a good day, daters. Please come and check in, anyone with weekend dates, and let me know who I'm rooting for!

I don't know yeahcorvid. I think I feel almost shamed by Mr Music as he has such a full life of friends and other activities. He's going to 2 gigs this week, on Wednesday he has a big meal out with friends. He is hugely sociable. I'm much quieter and it has made me wonder if I'm doing this dating stuff to find a companion as much as anything else. He doesn't need that as he has such a full life anyway so, for him, dating is mainly for sex - I don't think he misses having someone around in the way that I do, if that makes sense. I've always felt anyone I had a relationship with was my closest friend too but for him, it isn't like that. Does that make sense?

supercali the sex thing - you know you can get some blokes who are just not 100% hard. It happens as men get older (to some of them). It was fine, I mean it wasn't awful. But I've been out with a man who was like that before and the sex is never as satisfying as with someone who is all there if that makes sense.

daffo I'd be inclined to give MrCoast another go regarding sex, first time can be tricky, maybe nerves came into play. Also agree to directing men to what you like!
super lunch and a walk today (I'm short of time as have my children so need to pick them up from school), we are planning on doing something more activity based at the weekend.

@deffo - ah yeah i get you....tricky but like cake says, it might just be first time nerves....also, other areas of the bedroom may make up for it?? possibly??

@cake - ah fab, i love a walk, i find people and me open up more walking rather than just sitting over the table.

I'm seeing MrLBG (fwb) on Saturday night, MrCoast on Tuesday and MrMusic on Friday. MrLBG will stay Saturday night so will do something with him Sunday morning. May try and see if MrCoast wants to do something Sunday late afternoon/evening as I miss him (fgs!).

@Daffo thats a busy weekend, I like your style!
I'm hopefully seeing FWB next week, got another one lets call him MrChef offering a similar arrangement - not sure how I feel about that. One FWB seems more than enough and I won't have time for dating if I invest time in people who aren't interested in more than that.

Can I get some advice on this situation? Been texting someone new - lets call him Mr Funny. Great chat on text, he mentioned meeting up last weekend but I had plans. So I've mentioned it this week and now he has a busy few weekends coming up and not suggested any dates to me at all. If I rely on weekends, I would never have any dates! We are texting ALOT. Too much really pre meet and I'm now thinking this is probably not a good use of time.

I'm thinking I should leave longer gaps between the messages and leave it to him to suggest. Thoughts?

@cake how did your date go?!

cool I'd be direct and suggest something mid week. If you're talking that much, it should kinda slot into a conversation. I HATE it when it goes into penpal mode because that's when the overinvesting gets dangerous.

I am not talking to anyone new. Still undecided about what I want to do. Will see how I feel after the weekend.

daffo good for you! Hope you have fun this weekend!

cool I think I'd be trying to nail down a date, I've texted too long begore then not been attracted to them upon meeting. Otherwise maybe cool off on texting until he can commit to a date.

super my date was great, genuinely nice guy (can just tell) and I fancy him like crazy. He is still a bit nervous, but I'm finding it quite endearing! Definite lots of chemistry, same outlooks, he has passed all of the major tests so far! Very excited about this one!

@daffo and @cake, thankyou ! We've been chatting loads so I've just asked him straight when shall we meet. He's responded asking when I'm free. I've been here before with too much chat and its pointless isn't it! Ideally I reckon chat for a week max then meet.

@cake, was that date one? Such a rare combo if you get chemistry and they are nice as well!