Dating Thread 139: clowns swiping left to me, jokers to the right...

[Pringlecat]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Mine at 18m so very small!

So I woke this morning to no message despite me sending a note about whether our date was still on for this weekend. I sent my note at half 6 yesterday. I actually woke up fuming thinking I have been ghosted. The calm thing to do was say nothing and put it down to experience but instead I wrote another one jokingly asking whether I should be taking this personally plus a list of jokey reasons why we may not be meeting. If I don’t hear back now, at least I’ve sort of said my peace!

I’m still struggling with chatting to 3 irons, I think I need to drop one but all are being very keen.

Mr VW is messaging way too much and is starting to annoy me, which is a shame as he seems really nice but shy. He obviously likes me a lot more than I like him. The thing is we are both going to the same festival in 2 weeks time and it will be a little awkward if I didn’t have him completely as we are likely to cross paths. I might tell him to back off a little and guest we just start things off as friends as I don’t want to jump into anything serious?

Mr Tall, I love messaging him, most of it is noncenss with a bit of serious stuff thrown in. We haven’t met but conversation flows well with him. Only down side is I think he doesn’t work sure to depression and he lives with his mum. Also he doesn’t drive. Why are the ones with lovely personalities the ones who didn’t have much else going for them? I think I would end up being his therapist

Mr Kayak, goes to Italy this morning for a week, he messaged me last night saying he can’t wait to see me when he gets back and how he hopes I don’t meet anyone else when he’s gone (I feel a little guilty as I’m dating others and talking to others). I really like him but not sure about his baggage (2 young children and a few other things). He’s easy to talk too, fun and we have quite a lot in common. I’m not sure if/when he will actually move here though as it’s something he’s trying to sort out. At the moment he lives 150 miles away.

Mr Beard, wants FWB type arrangement but the sex wasn’t mind blowing and I would rather go without.

So, all my irons have Amber and red flags . Maybe I should just ditch them all and give up? I haven’t been on POF or Tinder for a week as I can’t cope with talking to more people.

@pookiedo that's so sad - I hope you find love very soon with someone wonderful.

I have 2 irons on the go - Mr Corporate is pushy and I've agreed to more than I wanted to with him. Not sure how to backtrack without being hurtful. Not for nothing is he in sales. He's up for FWB I think, and it would be fun....but it doesn't feel quite right. Mr Tuba on the other hand is verging on being too nice and overkeen. A bit like @Lovemusic33 - lovely men but not quite right.

@Eesha that is crap. I mean he is crap.

Thanks to everyone for reading and replying. I'm struggling with my birthday, I guess. I slept terribly and feel pretty physically rough today. I put on a new top and trying to put on a brave face and then tomorrow is another day.

@Lovemusic33 I think you're doing what I do: ignoring snags with several men as if you could get this good bits of all and compile them into one decent man 😀

@Badhairday1001 basically I am not looking for love or a relationship but having a huge OH FUCK wobble. Better to keep things light

@yeahcorvid yes I don’t get it, he has been chatty every day but hadn’t heard anything since Tuesday evening to which I responded on Wed AM. If not interested, then delete me on Bumble, not just leave things like that. Even my jokey challenge today was reasonably funny and left it open for him to say he wasn’t feeling things but seems almost like he has dropped off the face of the earth. It’s still early and I’m hoping my radar wasn’t completely wrong but who knows why people act like this!

He just seemed so bloody nice!

yeahcorvid i am a bit like you I think. I thought about going non contact with MrLBG (fwb) but I haven't and I am loving our friendship more now. We did have to have an open chat together about defining boundaries. Have you thought about talking to Friend about this? Maybe having it out in the open will define it better for you.

love and others, I'm glad I'm not the only one who can't do multiple chatting. MrLBG is on bumble and we often compare notes. He has about 20 chats on the go at once. I don't know how he does it (but I think this is very typical for men, women are totally different in this way).

and Happy Birthday yeahcorvid

Yeah I think your right, wouldn’t it be amazing if we could take the good bits from each and creat the perfect man?

Daffo dating multiple people gives me brain ache, I’m not sure how people do it, the 3 irons I am talking too claim they are only talking to me (not sure how true that is, I suspect one is lying), talking to 20 people would be crazy, wouldn’t have time with real life, work etc..

I’m taking a day away from it today and trying to sort my house out before winter (major clean up in progress).

YeahCorvid Happy birthday!

Love you need to start being fussy about who you chat to. If you don't think they're right for you then move on.

Eesha I find it so rude when men do that. Why not just say it's not working.
I'm old fashioned enough to think you should still be polite, even if you don't really know someone.

I put my new profile on POF last night. I've had 10 messages. Yeah! Not a single one lives within 50 miles of me. Why bother?

@RunsforCake14 definitely, just be polite rather than ghosting me. I'm just thinking to give the benefit of the doubt and see whether I get any response at all but just very surprised as I didn't see the lack of contact coming!

@RunsforCake14 @DaffoDeffo thanks for the birthday wishes.

Texted Mr port very directly today saying: I think you and I would get on but it doesn't look like either of us have time to meet in the next 2 weeks or more, shall we stay in touch? He said yes I feel the same but I don't love texting, can we do phone calls? I'm happy with that rare example of direct communication initiated by me

A couple of other new guys on the scene too: Mr Myhometown and Mr Engineer

Have a good day everyone

well, I sent one last pissed off message saying I give up! and he responded apologising saying he had been working late last night and early today. I laid it on the line that not responding when you are due to meet was plain rude, that I was open and honest and had the same expectations. I didn't quite go for the jugular but I made my points clear. Hopefully I didn't overreact but I get so angry at things like ghosting

Eesha well done on calling him out on it. It’s just so disrespectful of your time thinking he can just confirm arrangements at the last minute. It might just be me thinking that though, I’m very low on tolerance at the moment 😂.

Yeahcorvid happy birthday!

I have quite a few chats going on Tinder at the moment but I just can’t be bothered. I like mr tattoo and we’ve arranged date number 4 and 5 so I think my interest in anybody else has dropped for now. In a way I think I would be silly to just focus on him as he leaves in a few months but on the other hand it would be lovely to just have a little break from OLD.

Anyone else finding POF is really slow today? I'm on the website not the app but it's taking an age to load each page.

And I've run out of people on Meet Me. That's never happened before. Less than 24hrs on the site and I've seen everyone?? I don't think so because weirdly it just showed me people who were miles away. I only saw about 5 that were local to me. I've checked that I've put my location in correctly so I'm not sure what's going on.

@Badhairday1001 so weirdly he unmatched me after my rant! Turns out he had come off the app completely. I was furious again so messaged him via whatsapp and we had a long chat about things. I hate to say it but he might be someone I could really like, so we will be trying to find another date which works. Gulp.....feels daunting

I had to explain ghosting to MrLBG

seems like we are all up on this terminology and a lot of people aren't

but having said that, terminology or not, it's basic manners to be in contact when you are supposed to meet

I do find a lot of people aren't as communicative though eesha. I like communicating but have 2 irons who rarely send messages and I have to adapt to not being that way with them (otherwise it's overwhelming for them and me tbh).

Be wary of that man @eesha something you say about how he has acted and made you really angry seems off... like he could be playing games. Just be careful!

Happy birthday! YC

Mr Anxious and I have had the funniest day. We are quite silly sometimes and although it’s all way deep and meaningful face to face on text we laugh so much and mess about. I feel a bit more confident about it all now. We are going to something together this weekend where I will meet his friends 😳 and we haven’t even kissed 🤦🏻‍♀️
But it’s going to be so much fun (it’s a silly thing where dressing up is involved). For my worries and doubts I’m prepared to gamble a risk on this guy for now because I have been honestly looking to meet someone for years who gets me.. who is on my level. I’ve always felt obliged to play my silly quirky side down and be serious but serious men bore the living daylights out of me

So....As it turns out my DD's dad is picking her up tonight so everything fine for second date with Mr Runner tonight. I've invited him round for dinner - i'm kinda shattered and just want to chill out without spending money on cab home/bar etc. We'll see, like I say - the first part of the night last time was quite stilted conversation-wise, the last half brilliant. So who knows what we'll get haha.

@badhairday I did that over the summer, came off OLD and was seeing a lovely french man who I knew was here only for a couple of months for work. Was great and just what I needed....not having to organise dates etc.

@eesha - I agree with pookie there. Thing about being busy is, unless you're saving lives 24h, a confirmation text takes 2 seconds....it's either lazy, or thoughtless especially as you have to organise childcare cover

I can’t always reply to people - sometimes I’m in meetings all day but I am polite to them about it!

Awwwww @Cake I want that type of date!

@eesha ghosting is shitty and it sucks. His behaviour is ringing alarm bells four me, do be careful.

@lovemusic as Samantha from SATC would say, fuck me badly once, shame on you, fuck me badly twice, shame on me! There's no point in going back for dessert with Mr Beard if main course was mediochre. Mr kayak it sounds like he's worth keeping on a back burner until he's moved?

@pookiedo that does sound like so much fun! Is he the one you thought might be too anxiety ridden for you? (Sorry if I've got you confused with another poster)

@supercauli good luck for tonight!

I'm supposed to be meeting Mr penpal on Saturday. Really hope he comes through on that, because despite the rules I really quite like him especially after we had amazing text sex last night

@subspace yes same guy!
We have been on 3 dates, no kissing and seems to be physically off to a slow start. Mentally we are well ahead. Never awkward and get on great. Only 1 date had a real wobble when he had a panic attack! He seems to be self aware and working on himself, I just worry that I might not be patient enough to meet his needs, but he is NOT looking for someone to take the burden of his anxiety, he owns it. And I respect that a lot. I am going to be careful. But I wanted to show him that this can be fun and doesn’t have to always be serious iyswim?