Dating Thread 139: clowns swiping left to me, jokers to the right...

[Pringlecat]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Rich. I think you could be overthinking..... 1. She skipped her tube for an extra smooch

1. Offered to move around all her work stuff
2. The talking is probably a nervous thing - I do it all the time. 🤣😂

Don't talk yourself down & enjoy the process.... Keep checking back in here and we will keep you sane. Dating is tough I think in the beginning - this does he/she like me etc thing is so normal because you QUITE like her.... It makes us feel so vulnerable.

Xx

Pookie, Mr Anxious reminds me of Mr Marathon who I dated last winter, we went on 5 dates before we even kissed, I then got a bit frustrated and invited him to my house, I had a bad back and he offered me a sports massage, I eventually pounced on him and we had the most amazing sex ,he then totally freaked and disappeared. I’m pretty sure he hadn’t been single long and was still not over his ex. He has since messaged me (6 months later to apologise, said he was going through a bad time), not sure how true this was.

I’m finding it hard messaging both my irons, both are being a bit full on, both messaging last night telling me how amazing I am (great ego boost). I feel kind of guilty for dating both but chances are neither will lead to a long time thing. Mr VW totally panicked yesterday when I mentioned another date but later appolagised and said he was really nervous and didn’t know how to respond as he didn’t expect me to want a 2nd date. Mr Kayak sent some very flirty texts last night and said he can’t wait to date me, luckily he’s away for a week which gives me time to decide how to play things, I do really like him but there are red flags which I know I shouldn’t ignore.

Neither of my irons know about each other, I feel like I’m being a bit naughty. I think I will try and squeeze in a date with Mr VW whilst Mr Kayak is away.

Thanks, there are a lot of anxious ones about perhaps!

I get the feeling now that I think he’s just trying to decide if I am ‘the one’ he’s happy going slow, means no pressure on him. Whilst I am slowly spontaneously combusting with sexual frustration. It’s like I can see something there but I can’t quite get to it... it’s weird.

He seems like a nice person and we do seem to click, I wasn’t so much of a counsellor last night but it’s really weird we don’t small talk - it’s really DEEP and MEANINGFUL... stuff about our childhoods and who we are as people. It’s just not what I am used to 😂

pookie sometimes sexual frustration is good. Could you message him saying how you really wanted to kiss him last time you saw him? Drop a few big hints to try and move things forward.

I now have Mr Tall who has reappeared after vanishing a week ago, apparently he dropped a mug on his phone and smashed the screen so has been unable to text me . He’s really fun, we kind of message really silly stuff, we have the same warped sense of humour but he also has red flags.

Mr Beard has also messaged this morning.

I think I will get to the point where I don’t want to talk to anyone as it’s too stressful talking to so many at once,

It is stressful talking to more than one but at the same time it risks getting over invested in one person. I keep thinkng this and then just not finding anyone else interesting to talk to

I started OLD again to have fun. I think MrAnxious wants a soulmate. I am open to a soulmate but I also want to do the fun part 😂
Perhaps we want different things. I can’t believe some of the stuff I tell him though, it is very deep and feels intimate

He def passes the kitchen worktop test for me. He’s unaware he’s sexy. I stare at his hands a lot. He has sexy hands

He has sent me some flirty innuendo today on text. I just hope to god he puts it on me this weekend 😂

Second date with Mr BTO went well…had dinner and went back to his, his house is amazing and beautiful. He is the tidiest person I have ever met.
We were cuddling and chatting in bed (and dtd) til gone 2am, we had a laugh in bed but were both awake at 7.30 this morning and just lay in bed chatting, he wasn’t really physically affectionate this morning….although relaxed and happy next to me and naked – he does never shut up (unless he’s asleep) but we discussed Brexit, the state of sub Saharan Africa, Irish politics, gun control and the penal system in the US, recurring dreams, shoes, UK Trident policy all before getting up at 8.40 for me to go to work. Lots of flirty eye contact all a.m. though, a kiss goodbye and plans to see a movie over the weekend and meet up again next Monday. As a friend said ‘I never thought I’d see the day when you were complaining about a lack of affection’ as I’m not normally a touchy feely type, but I so could have done with some snogging this morning. Now dithering over the appropriateness of a ‘thank you for a lovely evening’ type text.

Hello everyone. I’m looking for tips on “taking it slow” because well it goes against my fairly impetuous nature generally, but I really don’t want to screw this one up

We’ve been seeing each other only for a month or so, but he’s my kinda guy.

As I predicted this morning I just got the following message:

Hiya, hope your day is going well. So, I've finally had a chance to look at the diary for tomorrow and unfortunately I don't think that I'll be able to do anything before the holiday. Tomorrow is the last discretionary sign off day and Wednesdays are also chock-a-block of internal meetings. But, in thinking about things, I feel like I need to be super honest and say that I'm not sure I feel anything romantic with you. I know it's probably not what you want to hear, I actually really wish it wasn't the case, because I think you are one of the nicest guys I've met in a really long time. But it just feels like something isn't there that I normally feel and I'm super conscious that someone not too long ago seemingly used your time wrongly and I don't want to end up feeling like I've maybe done the same. I'm really sorry if I've disappointed you...x

Ach sorry Rich.... Take a little time to be nice to yourself and then get back on the horse. At least she didn't string you along

rich sorry to hear that. At least she was honest and let you know.

coldlocation your date sounds great but I'd be concerned by the lack of snogging in the morning, especially as you didn't seem to be rushing anywhere. A friendly text like you suggested would be good or comment on one of the things you discussed to get a little chit chat going.

I don't know what to do about dating at the moment. My job is very solitary. I worked 8 hours today and spoke to no one. Which is quite lonely and also gives me too much time to think about everything.
I have social things that I do once a week or so but I miss the every day texting that you have when you're getting to know someone.
I haven't worked out how to do OLD so I don't get too stressed or frustrated with it. Usually I have that initial excitement of swiping or checking out profiles. Then I get fed up very quickly because I get no matches or the messages are from idiots who haven't read my profile. And I end up deleting it after a week or so because it depresses me that no one is interested in me. And it's been like this for most of this year.

Opinions please? Should I persevere or just accept that OLD is not for me?

Ah chin up Rich. It feels bad when it happens but at least you know. Give yourself a day and get swiping again!

I’ve got a fourth date tonight. I’ve never got past second because usually there’s just nothing there. This is definite progress as it’s taken me nearly 2 years of OLD 😂.

MollysGirl I feel like you, I have no idea how to take anything slowly! I jump in with two feet with whatever I do in life, it’s just not in my nature to be slow or cautious.

cake thank you. While I was dithering about texting him he texted me to advise re film times and ask fri or sat.... He's since booked tickets for Fri eve!

and I'm super conscious that someone not too long ago seemingly used your time wrongly and I don't want to end up feeling like I've maybe done the same.

Rich, did you spill your guts about your last relationship? If so, please do learn from that and don't do it again, at least not so early on.

On a more positive note, you've had a second date. Now go get some more firsts out of the way.

I guess it's made me feel worse than it usually would as this is the first online date that I've actually really liked since my ex ended it. It has kind of bought up all the feelings of when she ended it - like how she texted that she 'needed to fancy someone more' which I haven't really been able to get out of my head. In truth I'm still really struggling to get over her and it's almost been 3 months now.

@Kinunir I didn't mention much at all about the ex, she told me about her ex's and I briefly mentioned mine but definitely didn't go overboard, I'm very conscious about saying anything like that.

Had a nice chat with Mr. Portuguese last night. Not sure about dating right now as I'm feeling pretty jaded but he did sound nice and we've got some stuff in common. Heading into a therapy session now - doubt I'll make sense of much of this

OMG now in tinder contact with someone who works at center parcs. I'd better be careful!

Rich sorry to hear about the good bye message but at least you're not being messed around; and at least you're a likeable guy. That's so very important.

rich, I think she actually wrote quite a lovely message and to me, you actually seemed to get pretty far there. You both seemed to have really enjoyed yourself. Just put it down to experience, onwards and upwards!

rich that is a lovely message that she sent. And to echo others, at least she has been honest early on.

You say you've only been single for 3 months, so maybe you're not quite ready to move on yet? I started dating very soon after my ex left. I dated someone for 9 months but looking back I clearly wasn't ready. I was so emotional and not strong at all. It's now 20 months since my ex left and I'm feeling so much stronger and able to cope with dating and feelings. Of course we're all different, and feel ready at different times, but looking back I've been able to see things very clearly.

I think it’s really nice too Rich. Also you had a great date and are clearly very snog-able! Try to think of it like when we were all younger and would go out on a snog fest at a disco - it was a fun experience, just didn’t go much further. She has clearly rated you as a person to be so kind, just something in the connection wasn’t quite right iyswim?

Hopefully meeting mr runner for 2nd date Thurs but there's some faffing with my daughter being picked up by her dad beforehand and despite his assurances it might end up her staying with me...after that her dad's away for over a week so no opportunity to see him for a while. Finding Dating as a single parent with a young child quite tiring and a wee bit stressful atm. 😥

@supercali77 totally agree, I have two babies and my ex has drink issues so never has them. Any potential dates means me asking close family and planning in advance. I guess that's why I get so excited when I have one date organised!

@Eesha, @supercali77, I am so impressed with you managing dating alongside babies / small children. Mine are 7 and 9 and their dad has them some nights. I can't imagine trying to sort out childcare for babies and have the mental energy for dating. (to be honest not having the mental energy for anything at the time probably contributed to the death of my relationship with my ex)

@badhairday1001 how did it go last night?

@Runsforcake14, I wouldn't say online dating isn't for you because it's hard to find a good match. That's part of it. I think i have lowered my standards too much and have been meeting / chatting to too many guys who, if I'm honest, I know I don't really click with. It sounds like you are just more honest with yourself at the beginning and know a dud match from the start. If you hate it, then stop. but I hear you on the solitude thing. I have an online group of friends who are very supportive; lots of us are busy and have young children at home so I guess we have replaced the casual coffees-and-pubs hanging out of our carefree twenties with online hanging out at home in the evenings. It's a closed group which is very honest and supportive and funny and I don't know what I would do without them. It's great to have a lovely iron popping up in your phone, but really, day to day, it's the women who keep me going much more than the men in my life. Maybe you need something like that and dating would feel less wearisome when it doesn't always work out?

Sorry to everyone I haven't said hi to. I am just finding my way around the thread and getting to know who everyone is.
good luck to everyone messaging and swiping today...