Dating Thread 139: clowns swiping left to me, jokers to the right...

[Pringlecat]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

it's not stupid. That constant messaging feels very nice and comforting. Be kind to yourself. At least he told you without just ghosting you.

((Wally))

I totally get it! I feel the same. Nice texts really are a pick me up.

Can I join please?
I’m just dipping my toe into the online dating water after separating from husband.
I spent all last week chatting to nice guy on Bumble, had a date on Saturday which culminated in some great and very life affirming snogging. Also quite a lot of wine!
He missed the last train home (possibly deliberately?), and ended up coming to mine. Had the most WONDERFUL night
Anyway, he was silent since yesterday morning, and has just texted me saying he “doesn’t think this is what he’s looking for”.
TBH, although it was a great night, I could already see he wasn’t long term relationship material (younger than me, potential for flakiness and irresponsibility). However, my pride is now a little bruised and I’m unhelpfully wondering what it was about me he doesn’t like.
I need to stop that, right? And develop the hide of a rhinoceros

So sorry @WallyB9 - and not stupid at all.

@AntideluvianCat don't feel upset, just think you had some great fun and move on. Sometimes I think these blokes (and women) just want the notches on belts so it's just a case of whether you are ok with it. I recently went on a date where he purely wanted sex and when I said it wasn't what I wanted, he deleted me a few days later! I bet if we had done it, exactly the same would have happened to me! Just put it down to experience and get back finding more entertaining people to chat to

Wally I think it’s normal to feel like that, I have felt similar with a few irons that I had been messaging for a while, you kind of get used to messaging every day.

So I met Mr VW, we went for a walk and a coffee and then a bit more waking. He was a little shy and paused a few times but I think I managed to fill the pauses and there was no real awkward silences. He seemed lovely but I’m not sure if there was any spark, maybe it could grow but I’m unsure. There’s nothing bad about him, he looks nice, is friendly and has no baggage but he didn’t pass the kitchen worktop test. I will probably meet up with him again (he has messaged me already saying he wants too) but I’m not sure if it will grow into anything, he’s just a little bit too boring compared to Mr Kayak. Why am I always attracted to the wrong ones?

Thanks Eesha yes, that is what my rational brain is telling me. It was an amazing night and just what the doctor ordered. But while on one hand, I think: it’s the 21st century, if I want to have sex with someone who wants to have sex with me, why not? On the other, there’s a voice in the back of my head saying I shouldn’t have done that, of course he wouldn’t respect me blah blah blah

Grrrr. I need to toughen up! Hopefully I can learn from all you more experienced online daters

@love, I'm so with you! I've been on lots of lovely dates with nice men but there is just nothing there to interest me! I like a trickier personality or someone very funny I think to keep me interested. Partly I think because I have a strong personality, I also need that back.
They don't need to be loud or anything, but just have something to them.

@anti, I'd just chalk that one up to a great night and move on! Keep it in the memory bank as a night of great passion!

I've been ignoring my feelings about the guy I saw yesterday since we started chatting. Basically he doesn't respect women and I've been ignoring it / minimising it. I came away yesterday realising that I'd spent a good hour wanting to go and be on my own. I drank far too much in the evening. It's just not working, what I'm trying to do. I just don't want to get physically close to people I don't really, really like.

the problem is, I don't want a relationship either, and the second I do get physically close to someone I really, really, like, then feelings are going to kick in and it's all going to get tricky. I just want sex but when it comes down to it I want sex with people I really like and respect (who doesn't? you all know how this works, why am I so slow?) and most guys just aren't that.... nice.

I'm just being lazy, right? and that is never the answer. Lazy in two ways: 1. it's hard to find a really nice man and 2. if by some miracle I do, and he likes me, complications might happen and I really want to avoid them.

I just need to either cut it all out or go right back to the drawing board.

I never want to go without sex again but I don't feel good about yesterday or the guy before that.

anyway he sent me a couple of pretty gross texts today so I've just deleted and blocked and I'm moving on. Not sure in what way. But I'm moving on.

So, my only real life iron has a girlfriend. FFS!

I am backing off.

I am really, really pissed off at men in general. Why is it that so many men with girlfriends either openly hit on me or subtly flirt with me? Bastards the lot of them!

FFS. Sorry to hear that Pringle. I have no idea why so many guys do this, or why I am STILL surprised every time it turns out to be the case.

I was burnt really badly by this, my first time out in OLD about a year ago. The guy was really full on, too full on for me really; very affectionate and very keen very quickly. He had a gf and I found out from some social media stalking. I was unreasonably affected by this, as I wasn't seeing him a long time. But in my previous dating life (prior to long term relationship, so in the 90s and early noughties) I really think it was unusual for guys to just lie that blatantly. Was it? Am I imagining it?

I don't think men could get away with it as easily pre OLD because if you think about you met via mutual freinds or work or university so...you always had some kind of background or context. These days there's no context

@corvid, I've only come across it once. My first dating experience and found out the guy was married after some major Twitter stalking. It's horrible when you find out !

Also sorry you've had a bad experience. It is possible to have respectful fwb, I promise.

Thanks, cool!

Sorry your having a shit time Pringle I always seem to get hit on by married men or ones that are in a relationship, 2 are Facebook friends, they don’t seem to care that I see all there posts saying how much they love their partners, obviously they love them so much which is why they feel the need to send me photos of themselves naked , doesn’t give me much faith in finding someone who is actually single and not a cheat, just puts me off ever being in a relationship. Was talking to Mr Kayak and he said when he joined Tinder he found lots of femal friends on there that were happily married or in relationships so it works both ways.

@AntideluvianCat. I am sorry to hear about your experiences. I've been there too. These guys are so self centred.

Tell me, you don't live in Wigan do you? Don't answer that😀. It's just that my most recent contact through Bumble, who is also younger than me, good looking and an expert in bed (a pattern?) went missing - off line, no contact etc on his way from Edinburgh to Wigan by train.

Chin up. You're not the only one. I knew he was probably a player and was still taken in.

Thank you Wally No, nowhere near Wigan But it sounds like players are lurking all over the place. We need to develop better bullshit detectors.

Pringle and yeahcorvid sorry to hear about your difficult experiences too

Really sorry to those of you having a crap time with men.
I just had a first date, he kind of blew me away! I don't really know what to say, I didn't want to leave him!

Well, that’s encouraging Cake

argh too man you bastards around

I’m still dating Mr Anxious. There is something about him.. but to be honest I am questioning myself over this situation. I very quickly gave up on OLD when we got talking, as I just found it too confusing and time consuming talking to lots of guys. Also dull, because Mr Anxious is the loveliest of the bunch

But I am teetering on the edge of Friend Zone. I was here before with my ex who took 6 dates to kiss me - and I had to kiss him for it to happen.

I fancy this guy. He doesn’t sit near me or give me any signals he might kiss me. He is very open though and we talk a lot. I am just really not sure what signals I am getting. I flirt with him face to face and on text. We text every day. He’s kind of invited me out this weekend, well he asked me a few weeks ago to an event and tonight I just said ‘oh shall I come?’ and he agreed, but now I am worrying he was just being polite

WTF is going on

*too many bastards

Ooo @cake sounds brilliant! It only takes one. Tell us more (if you want)

I will, I will, once I get my head straight tomorrow! It is still in the clouds just now! Will give you all a full account tomorrow at some point, grinning from ear to ear right now!

Second date with the American girl went well, we had a lovely Thai meal and seemed to get on. Had a little kiss after too on Charlotte Street.

Walked back to Warren St and I got the Victoria Line with her (kissed again on the escalators down to the platforms), I would usually go to the end of the line at Brixton but she needed to change at Stockwell to go back to Clapham but I got off with her at Stockwell and waited with her for her Northern Line train, we were chatting and her tube came but she said she'd miss it and get the next one so we had another kiss before saying our farewells.

We're both away this weekend but she said she's going to try and move some work stuff around so we can meet for a quick coffee on Wednesday.

Seems to be going well and maybe I am overthinking but I just can't shake feeling she's going to message me at some point saying she's not feeling it as I feel like a lot of the time she's doing all the talking, even though I love listening to her speak.