Dating Thread 139: clowns swiping left to me, jokers to the right...

[Pringlecat]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Oh and MrC had a bit of an issue with finishing, and I'd hate him to think it was anything to do with that. I'm not cut out for casual sex

This was the first bit of interest I've had from anyone in months and I blew it because of embarrassment.

You said earlier that you both had things go wrong Runs so why are you embarrassed?

Sounds like it could have just been "one of those nights" - is it not salvageable? Could it not be something you do have a laugh about on a second date?

Kin I can't go into all the details of what happened but the deciding factor for me leaving was down to me and I'm embarrassed by it. Had we been seeing each other for a while then we could've had a laugh. But it was supposed to be just a casual thing, maybe just a one off. He gave me the impression that he was disappointed with me. And we never even got as far as DTD!
It's been about 4 weeks since we first met in a busy pub. Our expectations of what it would be like to meet again we're probably too high and then fate threw stuff at us and we didn't know each other well enough to just laugh at it.

I’m sorry to hear that Runs and hope you’re feeling ok today and that it hasn’t knocked your confidence

Thanks Kin. I'm ok. I'll probably laugh about it in the future. But my confidence has taken a battering lately. My friend convinced me that a bit of casual fun was what I needed. And it should've been a good confidence boosting evening but clearly it wasn't meant to be.

How do you lovely people manage to date 2 or 3 men at once?
Mr Kayak wants to date after us meeting the other day, Mr Beard also keeps messaging but I think this is just for sex and I’m pretty sure Mr VW will want to date me too (we are meeting tomorrow). I would like to be able to date 2 people but I feel guilty as both are the type that wouldn’t like me dating someone else. I’m already getting confused as to who has said what and what I have said to whom, plus there’s the problem with finding the time to date 2 people. At what point do you make the choice of who to date long term (if it gets that far)?

@runs really sorry to hear about a night of fun turning into a comedy and embarrassment. Don't let it put you off the pursuit of some fun in future. I had a disasterous hook up in spring that had me feeling like crap for a few weeks. It was my first foray into dating and like you it was supposed to be a fun way to get my confidence back. It didn't. But you're right... you will laugh in future and you will have fun and it won't be a disaster. Just have to keep the faith till then x

@love I'm wondering the same myself

Hey all, great thread.

I've been dating for about 10 months now, had one 3 month exclusive thing that ended due to logistics.

Other than that Ive made some nice guy friends but tbh nobody else has sparked my interest at all apart from one bloke whom I had an amazing first date with 7 months ago. We arranged a second and he disappeared. He's alive as I've seen him on WhatsApp lol. In weaker moments when I'm doubting if I'll ever meet anyone, I keep wondering whether to contact him or even 'accidentally' text him. Like a bloody teenager!!

Right, what are people's views about who contacts who first/more? I've found with MrFluffyDog that I'm the one to start with the 'hi' and then we end up text chatting for 2hrs. I bit the bullet and asked whether the date was still on, and he said yes and was keen. But I'm wondering, should I take his lack of initiating conversations to mean anything? Shouldn't the man chase (I live in the dark ages)

Right, what are people's views about who contacts who first/more?

I contact who I want, when I want. I'm not fussed who makes the first move but I do like to keep the amount of texting balanced and roughly equal on both sides.

I've found with MrFluffyDog that I'm the one to start with the 'hi' and then we end up text chatting for 2hrs.

It's great that you take the initiative and even better still that he is so interested in you.

But I'm wondering, should I take his lack of initiating conversations to mean anything?

Not particularly - us men also know rule #3

Shouldn't the man chase (I live in the dark ages)

Rule #7 applies to men too. And you're right, it's 2018, so forget the old-fashioned rules, but do remember that it should't be completely one-sided.

Thanks @kinunir I think I'm going to back off a teeny bit and see what happens. We have a date booked so he will need to let me know the details anyway so the ball is in his court. I am the trophy I repeat!

Hi. back from coffee. And .... we did go back to his house

I am feeling weird about it. It was really nice but I feel as if he is pushing to get to know me more than I am comfortable with and I guess I am feeling.... guilty about wanting to be so compartmentalised. He said things like "so your house is off limits then?" which I said yes to, although I had never put it as baldly as that in my head, it is, so then I'm like thinking how I look: I want to go and see men on their turf only, I don't like answering too many personal questions, I get a bit bored in a long chatty afternoon and ... I'm not a very nice person, am I?

Christ what a weekend.

Me and fwb didn't meet but had a wonderful long chat about defining our relationship in a way that neither of us feel we are 'afters'. I do love him dearly.

Me and Saturday date, forgot what I called him, MrCoast? Where do I start. Ended up being 24 hours. It was wonderful. He was wonderful. But I think he wants kids. And I can't have any more. I would Love to date him but I think it isn't fair on him. Let's see if he comes back for me. Arranged for Tuesday with a 'let's see'.

Had no hopes for today's lunch but loved it. Mrnorth1 3rd date. We laughed, we held hands. He is a keeper. Slow burner.

Mr Music Wednesday but he may call it off. He often does. Won't engage in any new iron talking till I've sorted this lot out though I know all are still actively dating- I can't cope with more than this lot on my plate even if they all go nowhere (and there's a good chance that will happen)

eesha for me, it's got to be back and forth. I HATE being the one who initiates all the time, it feels like the text equivalent of jumping up and down in front of someone yelling 'hellllooooooooo, remember me?!'
runs that's massively disappointing for you, your confidence needed a good boost before this. Not fair. Big girl pants on, onwards and upwards?? I say that, and I'm a quivering wreck still from my last attempt to DTD 😂

As an experiment, i added '.... and I'm a stroppy feminist' to my profile the other day. Unsurprisingly I've had about the same number of views, but no a single solitary message 😂 not even a lonely 'hiya' Kinda proved the point I was trying to make I guess!

Gosh you've all been busy.

I gave up on Mr BTO after a bit of chat via text on Thurs pm then silence followed by a slighty sarky response from him to my attempt a friendly message re my sports fixture Friday eve and so booted him out of my brain and turned off his text notifications sat a.m.....by sat eve he'd sent three unacknowledged messages.... We chatted for a couple of hours, he popped up earlier today and we chatted for a bit then just had a casual "are we meeting tomorrow? " + suggestion of location and time (we had tentatively arranged Monday after last date). So a second date tmrw. I'm not getting my hopes up and trying to see it as just mates for now but I do find him rather lovely.

@yeah I read a great excerpt from a book on women in business about how we feel uncomfortable if we're not being agreeable or 'nice'...the author put it down to historically being a means of survival. All you're doing is having clear boundaries....its not like you're forcing anyone to be with you on your terms. If they want more than what you're willing to offer...they can go find someone else who fills that need. Personally think it's great that you know what you want and aren't afraid to stand by it.

@eesha I'm similar to you. I prefer the man to chase initially so I have an unambiguous sign of interest.

@northern yeah despite having several first dates since there's still one guy i met a few months back who I had the best connection with. If you want my advice on getting past that - delete all signs of him from your phone!

My second date last night with mr differentcity. I still fancy on a physical level, great kisser, but ... eh there are things about his personality I'm not keen on. It's nothing obvious it's just he's not quite 'me'. Also the distance and opposing childcare mean I'm already knackered arranging and going to dates. Not sure whether to continue or have the convo. How does everyone else have the convo? Just a simple text?

The fella I met the other night...mr runner...asked for another date Thurs. I would like to but there's a bit of to and froing with childcare after work so I'll just have to see how that will work.

@cake good luck with your date tonight!

Well peeps, I made nil contact yesterday and today woke up to two messages so I'm feeling better on that front. Definitely trying to balance the contact more rather than it always being me. It helps that I'm chatting to a few more irons so I don't focus on the one

@eesha, more than one iron is the way to go. I seem to have only one though as my date for Wednesday - Mr Breadcrumb is very sporadic so not sure I'll bother seeing him this week.

One of my friends is dating too so we chat alot :-)

I have my date with Mr VW this morning, we are meeting for coffee and a walk. I am probably more nervous than I am on most dates, probably because I know he’s really nervous and shy (not sure how I will handle someone who’s shy). A few things I am worried about, he seems very much like my daughter who has Aspergers, he likes routine, suffers from anxiety and he likes trains 😐, I have a feeling he will be a really nice person but I’m not sure if he’s going to be my type, we don’t have much in common apart from the VW scene.

My Kayak still seems quite keen but I’m not feeling it, he sent me a photo of his kids yesterday, they are very young and I don’t really want to date someone with young kids, it’s a shame as he seems really nice but I can’t see how it would work, at the moment he’s living 150+ miles away and travel here for work every other week, if he does move here he will struggle to get free time.

So, I’m not feeling great about any irons at the moment, will see how today’s date goes though.

@ Super yes you're right, I've deleted the WhatsApp convo ages ago but kept his number. I'll just get rid.

Re ending things with Me Differentcity, yep, after 2 dates a polite text to say it's not working for you is fine. You can always blame the childcare!

Hope it goes well love.
Thanks super, I'm really looking forward to it, he seems really lovely.

I think a text after 2 dates is fine, no-one would really want a phone call to explain that I don't think. I've done a polite no spark text to this weekend's date, no reply yet. Feel a bit bad but hey its been done a few times to me and you just have to suck it up and move on! :-)

I am looking for a virtual hug

I met a guy who is a flight / ferry away for dinner back in May, Initially he seemed very keen on coming over to see me, but the enthusiasm waned. Despite this he has mailed me every single day - usually 2 or 3 times, sometimes a lot more frequently if we are both at home in the evening.

This morning he messaged to say that he had met someone on holiday who is now planning on continuing to see - so that's it! I don't even know if I actually ever really fancied him but I feel bereft. I didn't realise how much I've come to rely on our regular messages to cheer me up/ keep me going. I've struggled to not cry all morning. Is that totally stupid? I've gone back into thinking I am just a stupid old woman and feeling sorry for myself.