Dating Thread 139: clowns swiping left to me, jokers to the right...

[Pringlecat]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

My wanting kids is down as no comment.

I don't want more kids, but it feels mean on my existing children to say I don't want kids - like it applies historically and I don't want them!
Whereas a yes would be inaccurate too, as I do not wish to bring any more children into the world in the future.

Two serious-ish irons here, though not at the meeting point yet. T and D. T lives a bit further away than D, but we've been chatting for a while. D is in a very similar place previous-relationship-wise to me, so a lot of offloading about that is going on, both ways. Though that is probably less poising for any future relationship

*promising

Well turns out I didn't have to worry about messaging her as she just messaged me asking how my day was going :)

Great news rich. Did you end up making any tweaks to your profile?

I actually haven't found the time yet actually @Cakecrumbs

I met this girl through Hinge so have mostly been concentrating on that this last week.

Hopefully, and I know I'm getting ahead of myself, I won't need to and can delete my profiles :)

I used to frequent this thread about 2.5/3 years ago, not under this name though. I’ve not bothered with dating for a few years after a couple of disastrous dates, but I’m going on a date next weekend and need a handhold please!

aww that's nice rich. You see, us women with nice simple messages

it's funny how everyone is different. The date on Saturday is messaging me constantly. Mr LBG (tonight) knows he doesn't need to though we'll sort out meeting in a few hours I imagine. Sunday's one I won't hear from before Sunday and the Weds one I'll get a few words here and there before Weds!

I don’t put down if I want kids or not (even though I don’t).

Back from my date with Mr kayak, had a good time, he seems really sweet, managed to speed to him about the things that didn’t add up and things make a bit more sense now although I’m not sure if I like the way he does things. I’m a bit wary after my last long term relationship and the way he was raising (or not raising) his kids. It seems he does have s uport network that helps him out a lot with his 2 kids and despite him having full custody the eldest does spend a lot of time with his mum. He’s not looking for anything too serious, he would like a relationship but only see them once every couple of weeks, he works away a lot and obviously has his 2 children. Anyway, got home and he has messaged me saying he would like to date properly, what does that even mean? Anyway he’s now working away for a bit so I have time to think. He has said that he likes everything about me and won’t be arranging any dates with other people. I think I need to meet him again before I know how I feel about ‘dating properly’ (if that’s even a thing).

you don't sound that keen love!

Daffo I think I’m just very warry because of what I went through with my ex, it’s hard to trust what anyone says. He seems genuine but how do I know? Which is why I would like to see him again and suss him out a bit more. Also he’s not actually living here at the moment, he’s living 4 hours away but trying to find somewhere to live here, if he does move here he will have no support network to help him with his kids (not sure how that will work if he’s working away a lot). He seems really nice, we had a great time but I’m not sure if in the long run I could settle with being in a relationship with someone I would only see once a fortnight.

I still have my date on Monday with Mr VW which could change things completely, though I’m not sure he’s really relationship matereal eaither ☹️

Ooo rich that sounds good!

Eesha thanks, duuh, of course that was where I needed to take it back to. Was remarkably quick and easy to take it back (who knew jacket potato fillings could be so suggestive?!) And he's now waiting for me to look at diary tonight to sort an actual date. Looking positive, we will see.

No other irons still. Harumph.

I am yet to meet anyone that is relationship material if that's any consolation love

Yes I am also wary and I get that but a good sign that he's obviously enjoyed the date so much that he's gone away and decided he wants more than what he originally thought he wanted! It is very soon though to jump off all sites after one date!

I’m not sure if I will ever find anyone that’s relationship matereal, I think I have got to the point where I’m quite happy on my own and memories from previous relationships put me off getting into another one.

I’m not looking for someone to share all my time with and he’s probably wanting the same thing as me (someone to enjoy his spare time with but not share everything with), sounds sensible but when I try and do this I find it hard because I find it hard to trust someone that I only see once a week (because they could be up to anything).

He was a gentleman today, didn’t try it on, gave me a nice hug before I left and was just lovely, but it takes a lot more to win me over. I haven’t agreed to not dating others, that’s his choice if he doesn’t want too, i have other dates lined up that I will continue with.

Great news @subspace, nothing like a bit of flirty banter to get things moving. Happy for you. I might try with MrFluffyDog later too and see if he bites. At least I know one way or another!

In response to other posters and love - do you not think men put down they are not after a proper relationship because they are wary too, like us, maybe if the 'right' one came along? As for seeing someone once a week, well that to me seems like a FWB thing.
I had all this with MrWow and others. I like to lay my cards on the table fairly soon so I know if it's worth continuing or not. Of course, some might just be lying and the truth is in their actions, not words.

love Mr Kayak sounds like he might be a nice guy, just not your guy if that makes sense? You sounds kinda ambivalent about him, not many sparks?

I agree about not many of them being relationship material - a lot of nice guys, but just not in it for the long haul?

I'm unexpectedly meh - I dated a guy back in May - 3 absolutely brilliant dates for both of us, then he came to mine to dtd. He took 1 look at my middle aged nekkid body, and couldn't get it up. He then dumped me saying he wasn't over his ex 🙄 Fast forward, and he's now dating a friend of mine (acquaintance really). They've both privated their Instagram, and unfriended me on Fb. No idea why - I never even like their posts 🙄God I sound like a teenager. I feel hurt by it, and fuck knows why 🙄

Too it’s quite possible they are just warry too, most of us have had bad relationships and are warry of jumping into another.

Sky, yes, I’m unsure if there’s a spark, I think I had so much going through my heard that I probably wasn’t that relaxed around him, I’m not sure why he thought I was so brilliant, I didn’t put much effort into anything today (no make up worn, rubbish clothes and my hair was messy). I think he told me so much that it was hard to take in.

@Skyrabbit I doubt very much that was anything to do with you, naked or not!

In my experience, once a man gets to the naked stage with someone there’s very little putting him off in the way of attraction. It will have been nerves/too much alcohol/age/just one of those things. Hell then probably have been too embarrassed to come back.

Honestly, it won’t have been anything you did, don’t be put off!

@love tbh your description of him saying hes coming off apps etc after first date had me concerned ... It's a bit red flaggy to me?

That's playground stuff sky no wonder you feel hurt. How petty and stupid of them. And I agree with littlepotatoes - nothing to do with your body and all to do with his brain! X

sky third vote for it being absolutely nothing to do with your body. Hold your head high and don't let them bother you, you wouldn't want someone like him anyway!

Hi all. Have lurked on this thread on and off. Wondering if anyone recognised this.

Been dating on and off a year. Previously met someone online and had a two year relationship on my second ever date so this time around has proved much more disappointing in terms of the quality of men.

Every date I go on I'm expecting to be bored and disappointed. I'm screening hard and only been on three dates this year.

Have a date tomorrow and just feel meh. He's nice, hard working, not stupid, has good values and is TALL. But I can't get excited.

Anyone felt like this and ever had a successful date? Is this just standard?

I admit I'm fussy and I'm ok with that. I'd far rather be single than compromise. But a relationship with someone would be nice.

I've taken breaks etc. I think I need an attitude change..

Advice gratefully received

Happy Friday everyone!

I need to read back a few pages to catch up. On the subject of kids, I’m late thirties and would like children. I got burnt earlier this year and met someone I really liked (and shock horror it seemed mutual for once) but he didn’t want any more kids. I ended it . Where the opportunity allows I do put it on my profile or if Tinder / Bumble I’ll get that conversation out in the open early on.

@Grobagsforever I often feel the same but some people pique my interest more than others. I think it’s a case of if it’s not fun then stop. I also feel like I need to plough on (see above) so I try and always have a potential date in the pipeline. I’m fussy too and only go on dates with people I feel positive about in some way. If I’m a bit meh I’ll end up cancelling.

I have a date tomorrow off Match. He’s coming over from a nearby city. He looks like my type but we’ve not really spoken a lot beforehand. I always just follow their lead. I find it funny how some men message lots and you basically know their life story and others message a few times, ask you out and then nothing until the date itself. I find the latter type men to be more genuine.

So I took my own advice with MrFluffyDog whose dog had passed. He is obviously finding it really hard to deal with and I didn't know if I was intruding on his life as we have only just started talking last week. I dropped him a casual note and we had a good natter like before, flirty but also serious stuff but I think back on track for a date!