Dating Thread 139: clowns swiping left to me, jokers to the right...

[Pringlecat]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

@daffo - Excellent scheduling! Any of them stand out as a front-runner?

@cold - Firstly, if he thinks that, fuck him - he's living in the dark ages. I doubt he does, but secondly - if it's making you feel like shit - put your efforts back into talking to others, and leave the ball in his court. If he pursues, great, if he doesn't you're already moving on.

As for me, I have a second date weds with a really nice guy (mr differentcity i'll call him). Our schedules are mismatched and there's distance, but he is totally upfront. I told him I was trying to think of an activity for our weds night date but wasn't having great luck since it's mid week (he's coming through here) - and he said 'I don't mind, i'd just like to see you'....what a breath of fresh air.

I was supposed to have a date next week with a guy 6 years younger than me, i'm not taking it seriously, i'm 41, he's 35, I have a kid, he doesn't, and he is also trying to swerve things into sexy chat (It's fine by me but it's an instant 'not taking you seriously' thing for me)...also pushing for me to come out tonight late....I dunno. I'm not averse to a cheeky late night hang but i'm maybe not in the mood.

Supposed to have another tomorrow night. He seems alright, nice pictures, but he says 'yay' a lot and it's starting to grate on me haha. Mr Yay. Maybe i'm just not into the other because mr differentcity is ticking lots of boxes.

I find that supercali - one that stands out always makes the others pale in comparison

no, Mr LBG is my last remaining fwb bloke . And I suspect we will be having the chat about how long that continues tonight.

MrBeach is a first date - I cannot understand why he is single. He is bloody gorgeous. It will be something, it always is - I am hoping nothing sinister but we will see. He wrote nothing on his profile and I don't normally swipe on those but he super swiped me or something or other so I really have no idea what he likes doesn't like as he has revealed nothing. All I know is what he does for a living and I suggested a few things to do (he asked me to suggest) and he picked one but he does seem to like similar things to me. Who knows.

Mr North1 is a 3rd date. Need to decide after this one if I continue with him or not. We haven't even so much as snogged yet and for me that is totally unusual!

Oh all these dates sound very exciting, I'm still not having much luck - I am wondering if I am being too fussy.
I have a date with a guy 5 years younger on Monday, he seems nice but quite quiet so we shall see, I do normally go for younger and quiet so I don't know what I'm complaining about!
super I am so scared we date the same person😂

@daffo - So one of em's a gorgeous mystery, always good for a laugh. I hope you at least get a snog from MrNorth on which to base a decision then. My last LTR we didn't snog till 3rd date - man it was good when it happened. Sealed the deal so you never know ;)

@cake I can't say without seeing these men you're not into whether it's fussiness! heh, but what I can say for comparison is that I probably reply to about 5% or maybe less of the people who get in touch...I just think there's just not a great pool of 40 something available men on there. And yeah, it's a worry we'll end up dating the same fella. What do you go for? Blonde? Dark? Clean shaven?

super I've noticed I tend to go for dark hair and brown eyes but don't rule anyone out for not having those features. Don't tend to go for overly tall men, like them most at around the 5'11" mark. Don't mind whether they are clean shaven or stubbly or bearded, although probably wouldn't like a long beard. Prefer professional jobs, usually go for IT type guys, like a geek, introverted. Maybe this is where I am going wrong 😂oh also I like them to be well spoken and have very good manners!
How about you?

Rich - I really like it if a guy comments on something we discussed on a date and if there is like a little in joke we have a laugh about it. Or even just a simple text to let her know you are thinking of her out of the blue would be a nice touch......

Keep it light, fun and playful would be my advice.

I am meme & gif queen so they always go down well with me + make me laugh. But that is entirely person dependant. X

Well MrFluffyDog seems to have quietened down due to personal stuff on his side with said dog but which is good as I could feel myself overtinvesting even before meeting him. Argh the dating game! If I don't have any type of banter filled chat today from him, then I'll put it right down to experience. Shame as he asked me out for next week and I was looking forward to it but hopefully more irons will come up

@cake - oh man, we're going for similar types. I work in tech so....but I do favour a beard. Quite categorically. I won't rule em out on it, but totally clean shaven is not my type at all. Tbh i'm only really into edi guy at the mo, so I doubt we'll be dating the same types....i'll let you know if I meet anyone else (it's up in the air) who they are!

I'm also in that market you two

though I normally avoid the big beards :)

I would rather date early 50s but v few of them match with me. It's mainly men in their late 40s but I find they need to be at the same life stage as me (i.e. not having v young children) as my kids are so old now, that I can basically be free whenever I like

the bloke who I saw this week was a non starter. I just couldn't picture myself shagging him and even though we got on, if I can't picture the naked thing with him then it's never going to happen

eesha don't give up hope yet, maybe just having a busy couple of days. You could always send a breezy text later today as a bit of a prod and see what happens.
daffo are you in Scotland too?
super oh no, this is not good, haha. Has your MrDifferentCity taken his profile down or do I need to actively avoid that one?

yes I agree eesha don't write him off too quickly. It's hard to keep up bantering type chat all the time and I find it's better when there are breaks in between!

ah cake no I'm not in Scotland, so I'm not fishing in the same pool as you two

So I have something to ask. Kin looked at my profile and noticed that for the 'want children' section I had said I was open/undecided, he felt this might put some men off because they are usually firmly in one camp or the other. What does everyone else have in their profiles?

eesha I have a date on Wednesday and I know I won't hear much from this guy over the course of the next few days. So your date may well still be fine. If he's got personal stuff going on, he may just be occupied elsewhere.

if I see men with open/undecided, I always ask

mainly because I am too old to have kids, so if they are genuinely open/undecided because they may want, then I can't even see the point in going out

I don't know if it would put men off and I don't know your age (and I think your age is important - if you are 40 and undecided, then if I was a man looking at it, I'd think she better make up her mind quick, if you see what I mean!)

Phew daffo I think I'd find it too hard trying to avoid 2 set of dates from this thread haha! I'm looking in the 33-47 ish age bracket (although very few in the upper end of that catch my eye)

daffo it is because I have children already, so if I meet someone that doesn't want children then I'm cool with that but if I meet someone that does want children I'm also cool with that. I'm 37 though so getting towards the upper age limit that most men would consider for having children I feel.

yes that makes sense. Can you leave that bit blank? Is it obvious from your profile that you have kids already? Mine says has kids, don't want kids but I don't know which site you are on. On a lot of sites, you can just hide that bit....which I would be tempted to do in your shoes

Thanks @cakecrumbs and @daffodeffo, he has a lot on for sure but I guess I have more time on my hands to think. I do think though that I need more irons generally but Bumble seems to be naff at present, same faces!

I have put definitely don't want children, because I don't, and also because I am too old, and because I have two already. I am wondering now whether that is misleading - does it imply that I don't like children, and might men assume I have none and be wrong footed when they find I have some? Confused now. What I definitely want to be clear about is that anyone looking for someone to have children with shouldn't bother with me.

If I were a man (and even as a woman, I don't know why I said that) I would really want to know whether someone is looking for the sort of partnership that would lead to having children, or not. Either because I wanted that, or because (as in my current case) I don't. I suppose it's tricky if you don't know. Honestly I would treat "not sure" as "Kind of probably possibly do" and steer clear as I can't be a parent again

eesha yes, more irons to chat to would be a good distraction, easier said than done though isn't it?

What site are you on yeah, I am using pof. I will look to see if I can leave it unanswered but I don't think I can.

I've put that on ok-c. I hardly go on there, I more usually use tinder on which I have put literally no personal information at all

@cake hehe, I know - when you said that @daffo I was like 'Aw maaann'. I've inboxed you Cake with the deets of mrdifferentcity

On which note mrdifferentcity asked if I wanted to go have dinner once his kids leave on sunday evening. I said yes.

RE: Wanting kids - i've got mine as undecided/open as well...I did have it as 'no' which tbh is the truth of it. I personally thought 'no' looked a bit harsh so changed it haha.

I find the wanting kids question ambiguous as I'm in the too old to have any more bracket - does it mean if he's already got kids I'd be open to that?? And vice versa? That's how I've been reading it.