Dating Thread 139: clowns swiping left to me, jokers to the right...

[Pringlecat]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Cakecrumbs I have the same problem. I seem to attract men who are the very opposite to what I'm looking for. And get no response from the ones I like that I think should be a good match. I think it's just a case of hanging on in there and hoping the right person notices you.
Having said that, I'm not on any apps anymore. I keep thinking about it, then realise how frustrating it is to get nothing for the effort

Kin I get what you're saying about trying something casual. But after a year of terrible dates and almost no interest on any site for the last 3 months, my confidence has taken a battering. So I'm reluctant to put myself in any position right now where someone could reject me.

It is really strange isn't it Runs, I remember looking at your profile for you and thinking, I have no idea why you weren't having any success. I'm totally stumped, it isn't like we are looking for anything out of the ordinary, just our male equivalents really. I think I expected there to be loads but I guess not!

Had a interesting time with Mr Beard, deffently not relationship material although he seems like a ok person. He messaged me 5 minutes after leaving saying he wants to see me again, I’m not sure if I will see him again or not (possibly not).

Now concentrating on my date tomorrow with Mr Kayak, a few things don’t ass up with him, I’m looking forward to our date as we are going kayaking which will be fun but I think he’s only friendship material due to the baggage he comes with (and things not adding up about his home life).

Are you suspicious that Mr Kayak hasn't been truthful about his home life love?

cake it’s just the things he has told me don’t really add up. He tells me he has full custody of his 2 children but he’s hardly ever with them, yet he tells me he has no family that help out. He has been on his own all week and is going abroad in a couple weeks without them, just seems a bit weird? I don’t want to ask too many questions as I haven’t even met him. I’m looking at tomorrow as a trip out kayaking rather than a date.

Everyone is different Runs and what works for one could be extremely problematic for another. I was just asking the question - if it's not for you, then you definitely should not go down that road.

@coldlocation what you said read to me as you're not interested in meeting again - busy at work, no offer of a different time/date sounds like a brush off to me so he might have taken it that way. I'd send him a cheery message today, ignore the gap between messages and hope he's having a good day, and would he be free such and such a time for a coffee instead?

Love music that does all sound odd, your right to listen to your instinct and go carefully with that one.

Still just the one iron here - Mr Penpal, and our messages are currently boring the hell out of me. Same old same old - what have you been up to today, vice versa, work yada yada. I want to keep him on the fire, but not for either of us to get bored, any suggestions for steering conversation to more meaningful stuff? It's a very weird rut to be in, as we have been in daily contact but haven't actually met, so conversation is in a weird, we've done all the initial questions but actually there are initial questions that I feel like I'm missing and want to ask, and would normally ask in person. It's like we've skipped that bit and got comfy with each other like a pair of old slippers, which in many ways is really nice, and in others is really fecking odd. Waiting to hear from him when he will suggest we meet, he suggested on his next week's animal leave but no date as such yet. Male colleague thinks he's married; I'm not throwing that theory completely out of the window but he's in such regular contact and sends selfies at home etc that I find it hard to believe that's the case, but who knows!

@subspace, can't you try hard to get back into flirty zone, a few suggestive, fun comments here and there? I tend to fall into the trap of getting too familiar and cosy but the whole point (I think) is keeping things fun and lighthearted till you actually meet. Otherwise, to me, why meet when no excitement etc

Still the one iron for me but I'm trying to keep swiping and not overinvest as I haven't met him in person plus he lives so far away. Though suddenly Bumble seems to be full of posers when I need a few more irons!

Milo I had a look back and Mr Canada started on the second page of the last thread but it's just sporadic posts throughout. Once we have it all worked out I'll write the whole story 😄 I still can't believe it's happened!

Cold I agree with Sub that your message to Mr BTO could have come across as a brush off as you declined his invitation but didn't mention an alternative. I would take that as the ball being in your court now to suggest something. I don't see him having played you at all - he asked to meet up again!

Oh... Really. Oooh. No idea what to write him! I mean I'd like to write "you're lovely please don't Vanish and I'd love to meet up again"... But that might be a wee bit full on!

@cold I'd make an alternative suggestion...its only been a day is that right? You could easy go in with 'Hey, can't wait to get through this busy patch! How's your week looking next week (or whenever you're next free). Would be great to catch up '

Eeep i sent something. Said I'd been super busy y'day with work and trip I was running with kids (all true) and hoped cuppa offer stood for another time as had enjoyed mon/tues muchly. Now I can fret about him not replying!

Oooo! Exciting. I love the whole butterflies/nerves bit 😀

Got a lovely chatty reply instantly but with no meet up suggestion.... Urgh

God I hate that love when things don't add up. MrMusic1 was like that. It starts driving you mad after a while...

@Cold he's not risking rejection while trying to show you how keen he is .... You have to suggest the actual date! E.g. "would your like to do coffee and a cigarette after a nice shag on saturday evening?"

kinunir have pmd you, thank you 😊

@sub really? I'm not convinced. He totally swerved my "hope your offer to come over is good for another time"... But carried on texting me about everything from the skripal poisonings to Greg Wallace for a couple of hours even after if sent one back finishing with "have a lovely evening" as I wasn't expecting any more comms. Nowt flirty in texts, but that's not remotely his style anyway. He knows I've got my kids all weekend so am not free before Mon eve. I'll ping him this eve/tmrw if I hear nothing more today.

It was totally out of character for me to have not had a sensible chaste coffee date so I'm convinced he just thinks I'm a lonely, slutty, desperate single mum and he got laid so he's happy.

Must remember that I am the prize and he chased me in the first place... He was very self deprecating in his initial messages on pof "see you have made the wise choice not to reply to me" and "sure you will not be interested as you're barely out of uni and I'm about 104" type stuff (he's actually only 9 years older than me).

Hmmm....

Had an amazing date last night, just seemed to click. We kissed and she held onto me on the packed tube rather than hold onto one of the bars, was really nice.

She texted me to let me know she got home safely and I did the same and we have arranged to go out to dinner on Monday after work but being useless at this whole texting thing when should I text her next? I don't want to overdo it but also don't want to under do it at the same time.

aww how lovely rich

the messaging thing is so person dependent

I like to hear from people a lot but some do and some don't

if she hasn't messaged you by this afternoon, I'd send something about hoping her day is going well and is she up to anything fun this weekend or just something along those lines

if she was grabbing you on the tube, I'd say that was a very good sign :)

I'm seeing Mr LBG tonight, MrBeach tomorrow and Mr North1 on Sunday.

Finding midweek stuff really hard with work/commuting/kids and had a free weekend so have crammed them in

Well done rich!

The signs are good and the iron is hot, so to speak, so a measured amount of texting between now and Monday evening would be appropriate.

I'd caution against asking how her day went because that's boring and, perhaps, wouldn't ask about her weekend plans as that may imply you are jealous/checking up on her.

Instead, pick up on things you spoke about on last night's date and have some witty banter around them.

Thank you guys, I won’t ask about her weekend as we already spoke about it last night.

She’s American so I could ask about her family to make sure they are ok following the Hurricane as she’s from the East Coast?