Dating Thread 139: clowns swiping left to me, jokers to the right...

[Pringlecat]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Raspberry I have a iron who has sent me selfies of him driving, met him on Tinder. He also texts whilst driving 😬

One of my irons disappeared last night mid conversation which was odd as he usually texts non stop until I tell him I’m going to bed. Not sure if I said something to upset him.

I now have 3 dates lined up.

Mr kayak (Thursday or Friday)
Mr beard (possibly Thursday if I go ahead)
And shockingly Mr VW has asked to meet next Monday.

the fwb question: basically I think it is kind of beneath me to be coy about the fact that I am potentially into sex with the right guy, but I feel that men take it as licence to push boundaries and be generally disrespectful. Last night's guy asked for pictures; I accepted him on whatsapp cos I don't mind sharing a cleavage shot but I asked him to send no pictures. I actually said that because I really didn't want a dick pic but he sent me a picture of his chest. It is nice and didn't visually offend but I am bothered by the fact that I said no pics and he sent one. this is the kind of thing that I just can't decide whether I'm too pedantic about it. I can roll with the punches when the guy is miles away and doesn't know my real name but if you ask a guy not to do a thing and he does, then you don't want to go to his house, do you? is it actually possible for men to be nice to women who have admitted they might want sex, or do we all have to pathetically pretend we definitely don't unless we're painstakingly persuaded into it?

@YeahCorvid well fun is important 😉

Mr Penpal asked if we can meet. I'm a bit 😯 because we've now been in touch for 5 weeks - had arranged to meet previously but his whatsapp failed for a day or two before the date and we never finalised arrangements, god I can't even type that without cringing it seems such a pathetic excuse he works shifts and is wanting to arrange to see me when on annual leave - yes, fine, that sounds convenient, but does he realise he can't conduct an entire relationship on annual leave? or via whatsapp we had arranged an elaborate extended date the first time, this time I want to make it just meeting for coffee as I feel a bit like I (/we) might have already wasted so much time on texting it still might just be a bit shit in person and why put myself through hours of that, AIBU? Am doing the whole trying to remember to not get attached, but I do seem to like him and we seem very compatible, but you never know until you've met them, and even then...

yeah that cycle is bang on the money! It's all to do with self worth isn't it? I know I get caught up with the fact that someone likes me, and almost don't stop to think whether I like them!

loves Mr VW has actually suggested a date?! How do yo u feel about actually going on a date with him?!

Last night's date was great, he was funny, intelligent and a little bit sexy. I think I like him (Yeah's cycle of loving may be in play though 😔)
I've had messages from him saying he had a great night, and he's keeping messaging, but no 2nd date suggestion 🙄 I think I may have been friend zoned. Again. Ffs!

Sky I was shocked that he even suggested a date, he then got all anxious about suggesting a place to meet. I suggested meeting near him to make him feel less anxious. Told him meeting for coffee will be fine. I am a bit worried, we have been chatting a lot on he screams out ‘Aspergers’ to me (my daughter is a aspie). I’m not sure if I will be able to deal with his anxiety issues, I suffer anxiety myself but it doesn’t take over my life anymore.

Eesha - I am sure none of us are really 100% ready when we start online dating.... The best thing you can do is keep yourself grounded and listen to your gut feeling, if something feels off it usually is.

I got hideously burnt with my first foray into OLD, admittedly we were both clear about what it was at the beginning and I just caught feelings.

It gets a lot easier with time,. You relax more and get into a flow and the true reality of it is that you will meet a fair few frogs and toads along the way but you'll probably also meet some interesting and fun people too who will end up becoming friends.

I have had a couple of friends who have helped me through my entire dating journey and really looked out for me - reminding me to listen to myself at times too 🤣😂

Good luck - try to enjoy it and take everyone on their own merit..... But remember, keep your expectations low and your standards high and you can't go far wrong x

love he may well become less anxious once he has met you, or is it generalised anxiety about everything in life he suffers from?

Can I canvass opinions ? What does it mean to a man if you sleep with him on the first/second/third date? Does this bode badly for a relationship? Are we still in the age of seeing women as cheap/easy or have me moved on from that?

I quite like to get sex on the table pretty early on. To me there’s no point in pursuing a relationship if you’re not sexually compatible. In the same way as I want to know early on if they still live with their mother or are into fox hunting or something, I don’t want to waste ages getting to know someone if we’re into hugely different things.

I have to say I’ve never particularly been someone who has found sex better “with someone you love” (sorry mum), so I’d rather just crack on!

What do others think?

@littlepotatoes I agree, although for whatever reason whenever it's been first date it has (for me) ended up being nothing serious on either end... so maybe there's something in the first date sex cliche? Or maybe i'm just shit in the sack But I would defo personally be wanting that to have happened on or by the 3rd myself.

Hi all... just checking in, I'll catch up properly when I can but to cut a long story short I've had the most incredibly amazing time in Canada and we've decided we want to make a proper go of it so we have a plan. It's all still a bit mental but it feels so right and we're both really happy - and still quite disbelieving that this has actually happened. If someone said to me 5 weeks ago I would never have believed them in a million years but as it is I'm grateful beyond words to Tinder!

vet I think I may be lost for words. Wow! Amazing, so happy for you!

I'm back and looking for some direction from those of you in the know.

I messaged a while ago about a younger, good looking (in my opinion) and sexy guy who I had met who, after a couple of dates, I was pretty sure had just put another notch on his bed post and had moved on leaving me feeling like a stupid old gullible woman. I'm 57.

He has actually been back in touch! He seems pretty disorganised in his personal life - moving house and loads going on.

We arranged to meet up and he called around to my house on Sunday evening - and not to put too finer point on it - it was the best evening I've had in a long, long time.

My concern is that the whole 'relationship' with him from his perspective appears to be about sex. Don't get me wrong. It's a lot of fun. But we've only met four times.

I know I am uptight - I've had very little experience of relationships. Is this normal initially? I am feeling pretty insecure. I still think that he he is so smooth, tactile and sexually driven that he probably has a string of other women in tow.

I suppose I am distrustful - if I know there were other women I could at least try and moderate things and not let myself get too attached. I've just been relishing the attention, when it's offered.

vet i am so so pleased for you :)

MrLoveBombingGhoster and I have become so close it is ridiculous. We have admitted we love each other - and we really do but we will never go out with each other. I know it sounds odd but we have the most incredible relationship. He is like my mirror and me his. He tells the women he is dating about us and expects them to incorporate our friendship into anything he has. We have agreed the minute one of us has something serious we will stop sleeping together but not until that point. Both of us are aware enough to know that things will change and we will probably fight at some point but neither of us have ever had such a fantastic open and frank sexual and emotional relationship with anyone. It's wonderful.

Seeing MrLocalish tomorrow night - we get on famously but I'm worried I won't fancy him - he is really not my type but he makes me laugh a lot.

Want to see Mr Foreign this week (who is a bit earnest for me) but he is bloody good looking. He has his kids a lot this week so not sure he can fit me in (I've a load of normal social committments this week).

MrM eventually told me we weren't doing dinner but not in any open or honest way (just made an excuse). Why can't people just be bloody honest. I have deleted him from my contacts so I'm not tempted to message him and deleted our whatsapp chat. We had sent 5500 messages to each other so said whatsapp. I was surprised by that. But anyway. Sad about that one but I just don't think he was ever really available. I will always wonder if what he said to me was true though (that he was falling hard for me and had to pull back) though I suspect it was an excuse for his uselessness.

Few new interesting chats on OKC and bumble but nothing much elsewhere. Will probably only manage the one date this week.

wally and littlepotatoes I think sex early on is no bad thing. I prefer it that way. I don't think it means anything though I do know a lot of my male friends like to wait till date 4/5 before doing it. I have only had sex on a first date twice and that was exceptional. Mostly I wait till a bit longer too. I think what you have to realise is that most people are seeing other people. That's the only thing you have to keep in mind. Until you've had the exclusive chat, if they are sleeping with you, they may well be sleeping with others and if you need it to be exclusive or serious before that point, you have to speak up as people will not assume it otherwise.

@wallyb9 how much younger is he?

@Missillusioned only 4 years younger. But my previous partner was 6 and a half years older - so more than 10 years different. I think that makes the age difference seem larger.

daffo thanks for the support - again

@wallyb9 in that case I don't think the fact that he is younger is likely to be a factor in how serious he is, like it would be if he were 20 years younger.

However, players don't seem to settle as they get older unless they have to, so I would keep a watchful eye. It is possible that he had someone else, but it didn't work out. This isn't necessarily a problem -a lot of people multi-date, but is something to keep in mind. I think you are right to be cautious. You can't make a firm judgement just yet

What does it mean to a man if you sleep with him on the first/second/third date?

That you enjoy sex enough to engage in it when you want to instead of waiting an arbitrary number of dates.

Does this bode badly for a relationship?

Why should it?

Are we still in the age of seeing women as cheap/easy or have me moved on from that?

We’ve moved on from that. Everyone enjoys sex and no-one should feel judged or ashamed for it, and anyone who slut-shames is a fucking idiot who probably isn’t getting enough of their own.

I think one thing I am wary of is that he has been a 'player' in the past.
His wife divorced him a couple of years ago after she found out about his three and half year affair. He ditched the mistress in an attempt to save his marriage it didn't work and surprise, surprise the mistress didn't want him back. I suppose at least he's told me about that.

cake, sadly it seems Mr VW gets anxious about most things. Hopefully he will be ok once we meet, I’m easy to talk too (sometimes I don’t shut up) so I will do my best to make him feel comfortable and for there not to awkward silences. It is hard when going for a coffee to make chit chat. My date wit Mr Kayak will be easier as we are going kayaking.

Hi everyone, can i join the thread? been lurking for a while but could really do with some advice please as i have no idea what the hell to do about my current dating situation!
I've been chatting away to a guy since the weekend (so still VERY early doors!) and all in all he seems nice, ticks quite a few boxes and has actually made more effort in the last 2 days to get to know me than my previous dating partner did in almost 2 weeks.
There is one massive problem though...he lives almost 500 bloody miles away!
So i've no idea what to do for the best, do i nip it in the bud now and just end it before either of us gets attached/develops feelings etc? Or just carry on chatting as normal and see what happens naturally?
I am just wary of a long distance thing developing but at the same time i hate the thought of maybe missing out on getting to know a really nice guy. (Mr LongDistance)
What do you all think? Help because i am clueless and a dating nightmare!!!

Vet that’s amazing. Really pleased for you.

I’ve got date a second date with Mr Tattoo tonight. He’s been lovely all week via WhatsApp and I’m excited to see him again. I’ve let all other irons drop off a bit because I’ve really enjoyed chatting to him but I know it’s a bad idea!

harry I suppose you would need to have a think if logisitcally that sort of distance could work for you initially (how frequently could you see each other? Cost of travel? Commitment of being regularly away from home?) then also if it was to work and you liked each other, what would be the prospect of one of you moving? If any of these seem like blockers, and please be honest with yourself, then I would say it really isn't worth investing in now.

love Mr Kayak maybe seems a bit more promising then but you could just see how MrVW seems when you meet then make a decision

I think I might have been ghoasted (can’t really call it that) by Mr Tall, and I strongly suspect I was set up. Mr Tall lives near a old iron who I seem to have upset, they are the same age, like similar things. Though I don’t think he was lying about his identity (his spelling and language was different than the other iron). Mr Tall was messaging me loads and then he just vanished last night, heard nothing since.

I’m not sure if I’m meeting mr kayak now, I haven’t been well today, told him and he suggested we cancel, I have told him that I will see how I feel tomorrow but he seems to have lost interest.

Last night I was messaging 4 people, tonight my phone is dead

Thanks for the opinions. I’m going to stop overthinking this!

Vet you could write your very own movie. So excited for you! (And jealous. Very, very jealous 😆)

Hmm. I'm in a quandry. (Good looking / similar humour) Psychologist who cancelled coffee twice then got in touch out the blue asking me if I would consider meeting again....well he's done 2 more follow ups tonight. I ignored the previous one. From my perspective someone like that will always be a problem.....whats folks thoughts on this? The only reason I'm second guessing is because I did feel like there would be potential...more so than with anyone else but I don't want to be fecked about .