Dating Thread 139: clowns swiping left to me, jokers to the right...

[Pringlecat]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Is there t just me? But... I had a message on POF today. Guy mid 40s. No photo. His message (but not his profile suggested he was only looking for some fun. So I asked him directly. He replied he was looking to date and see where it went, so we messged a little. He suggested we chat, and we proceeded to have a video chat. I got to see what he looked like, he was charming and made me laugh. We agreed to meet for a drink tonight. Hung up, then got a text saying look what you did to me. Attached a dick pic! Not my first. But a few minutes later says I drooling over your pic, turn on the cam I want you to watch. Really? Sex may be the only thing on their minds, but can’t they at least show a little respect. Especially before they’ve even met you. I’ve told him to forget it. He seems surprised. Would you go?

Errrrghhh.
It all seems mega fast. I have had hasty stranger sex so I'm not a prude but it's the chatting straight to the erection plus no profile pic...
Were you having sexy video chat??
I wouldn't go but if you have the horn and that's all you want then fill ya boots.
At least you've seen his face and spoke to him so no surprises there.
Bet he's not single.

I’ve jumped straight in before now, I’m not prudish... but this just didn’t sit right. Certainly wasn’t a sex chat video. If he had that reaction to me, fine, but I didn’t need to know, or watch!

I’m with you NotwhatIwant, it just seems sleezy. I’d trust your gut. I’ve jumped straight in before but that would put me right off. Some men can be delusional though and think that everyone one would love to see their dick! He probably thought it was a Sunday afternoon treat for you! 😂

@supspace I know, he was crackers!

And the video chat isn’t for me at all before I’ve met someone. I personally wouldn’t meet him.

I am dating for over a year at the moment but just wanted to throw in that I was one of those women who just needed a fwb too. I think it’s only fair to be upfront but you do attract a certain type of guy...

Like MrLookslikemichaelmcintyre who is on ALL the dating apps and sees 4-5 girls each week. He’s a divorced banker with a family up north and has a serious drink and sex addiction problem. Such fun 😬

We need to perform some sort of mass campaign to reach all men who are dating: NO dick pics unless we specifically ask for one and would would do that anyway yuck

I think I kissed Gymguy just because it seemed a challenge but actually I knew he wasn’t a keeper as so much hard work. I’m putting it down to experience though he has messaged me all day talking about going out again.

I keep saying I’m surprised given I was Sooooo much bigger in my pics!

He’s just negging you so that you end up thinkng you are out of your league with him and want him all the more. He’s got you interested and so it worked. Honestly don’t play games with a man like that he’s clever - unlikely you will get the upper hand you will just end up with low self esteem!!

I am not in the mood to talk to MrAnxious today. Had a very funny chat with MrFirstlovewhoismarried who I have a lot of history, friendship and otherwise. I am 100% clear to him we are just old friends - it’s been 20 odd years but he’s lived overseas for a long time and is back in our hometown for a day or 2 so I agreed to go for a coffee with him and a group of old mates. Any love feelings we had for each other turned into just a nice warm affection for one another over the years although old habits clearly die hard with his charm offensive earlier! I think it’s sad he thinks I am the one who got away and I have spent 20 years being very glad I got away - he is a lovely human but a dreadful partner!

Thisisnotwhatiwant I won't speak to men without photos... a lot of the time they're married/in a relationship. The fact he turned it sexual so quickly would make me even more suspicious. Yuck 🤢

I don’t talk to people without photos either.

I had a quiet weekend, went out yesterday and ended up meeting up with a guy from a singles group (on of my Fb groups), not my type but it was nice just to have a adult to talk to for a hour.

I’m stuck how to spread my time this week. I only really have one day with spare time and that’s the day I agreed to meet up with Mr Breard for possible fun.

Spent ages talking to Mr Tall last night, we have the same warped sense of humour, he ticks a lot of my boxes but the few he doesn’t tick are pretty important. I don’t think he drives, pretty sure he lives with his parents and I’m not sure what he does for work (or if he works). I don’t like asking the work question, usually it is on people’s profiles but he has just put something silly on his.

Also spent last night talking to Mr VW who I really need to meet up with, we have been talking way too long and he seems over invested despite never meeting me.

Mr Kayak wants to meet this week, he’s half way through moving house and has spare time this week, he has 2 kids with him full time so I’m not sure if I’m really that interested.

Mr Navy wants to meet up, he has older children, ex navy (not good expereance sin the past with ex forces men), he looks pretty hot though and seems to have his shit together unlike my other irons.

I don’t know who to prioritise? Or do I just meet Mr Beard for fun and get it out of my system before dating one of the others?

love I'd get Mr Beard out of your system then sort the others out in priority of who you think you'd have the most fun with tbh.

I wonder how vet is getting on

I had a busy weekend with friends and like you love I am struggling to prioritise what to do next. Sent a few first messages to people on bumble but got nothing back, it's funny how it goes in phases.

Seeing MrNorth1 tonight - 3rd date, really can't make my mind up about him - but I am concerned. I sent a rather short message because I was busy, said 'not sure that time is too late?' and he totally took it the wrong way and said I'm not forcing you to come out. I am really concerned that he is way too sensitive. I can be quite strong and I had this issue with a past person I dated a few times - if I walk all over someone it's not good for them or me. But maybe it was a misunderstanding.

Mr Music has stopped messaging me - we messaged back and forth all day friday, he sent one on the weekend wishing me a good weekend then nothing. He doesn't respond to messages if I ask him anything. It's all a bit me me me. Part of me wants to believe it's him being sensitive, the other part of me thinks he's a massive player. We are meant to be having dinner this week. I am not going to message him, have totally backed off so really unless i hear from him tonight, I will assume it's all off. Nothing majorly invested here I just find the entire thing really odd.

2 new irons - Mr Non Monogamous - who is hysterical in messaging but I still have no idea what he wants. Hasn't mentioned meeting yet but will wait and see what his answer to what do you perceive non monogamy to mean (as it means different things to different people).

Mr Localish - I suggested meeting, he's not responded but keeps messaging. Don't need a penpal so will give it another day and if he doesn't suggest meeting up, I will bin him. I know we all see multiple irons but fgs, at least manage them so you can see people when they suggest it!

Ok, so far I have secured a date with Mr kayak on Friday. Mr Beard still wants to meet Thursday but I might make an excuse up and cancel. Just need to sort a date with Mr Tall which could be tricky if he doesn’t drive. None of my irons are screaming out ‘relationship material’ but I don’t want to add to the list so I need to get on and meet a few of the ones I’m talking too.

Quick question! I'll catch up with everyone in a bit!
I have a first date in a few hours. So far, it's just meeting him at a pub in his city. My problem is, I don't know fi this is a quick meet and greet, a drink session or going for food. I asked him, and he's said we'll see how it goes 🙄 Problem is, if I want a drink, I have to get the train, which is a bit of a ballache, and especially if it's just for a quick pint.
What shall I doooooooooo??

sky get the train then all options open!

Oh lordy I have a date this eve, been messaging over weekend. He's v funny and educated but a little too old (54, I'm 45 and put upset age limit at 50)and only my height. Everyone else stole all the tall men!

I have been on only one date from Old ever before and I knew prior to the date that I wanted nowt more than friends and had a clear reason to leave at a certain time. It was cool, he's met sometime else and we have remained friends as both found each other interesting but not dateable.

Unsure about this one as dating material, I'll call him Mr Bit Too Old, and don't have a set time I must runaway by (and we are meeting quite late as I have a sporting commitment early eve).

Tips /advice for polite leaving behaviour if he's awful and follow up tactics if you do or don't want to take it further v welcome.

Another iron was all over WhatsApp chatting to me thurs fri then went quiet when I said I was actually not just looking for a Penpal and has gone silent. A hi good thing I think as I don't think he was over his ex... But why don't they ever say 'nah not for me but been nice to chat' and just Vanish instead. Grrr

.... Sooo many typos. Apols.

Mr Anxious seems to have binned ME off 😂😂 he is ignoring me

Also MrEx didn’t meet me for coffee either so in all a funny day

daffo I've chickened out 😳 and asked if we can just go for a coffee, then I can drive in. We can have a drink next time if there is one!

Off for a first date with...i don't even know what name to give him. He's one of those where some of his pictures I think 'mmm' and some I think 'mmmaybe not?'. Chats not bant-tastic on WhatsApp. Wondering what experiences are with text chat vs real chat?

In any case...an excuse to get some new earrings in and shave the ol goat legs 😂

Cold I always have another place to be after 90 minutes. Even if I don’t

Natural end? Finish drink, decline if he offers another, go to the loo, come out car keys in hand and say “it was lovely to meet you, but I really do have to go now”
I’ve only once had a guy ask to see me again at that point, so I had to say no then and there (and it was fine; no one died ). When they’ve messaged afterwards (I never do first; am v old fashioned in that regard) and ask for a second date, if I don’t want one I just reply that I really enjoyed meeting them but don’t see a romantic future and wish them all the best.
If I do, and they don’t ask right away I’ll keep the conversation going til they do. If they didn’t suggest it within the next day or so (not happened yet) then I’d probably let the conversation die off.
The temptation is to want to avoid awkwardness, but if the first meet is essentially coffee with a stranger, and you’ve not become overly familiar (by chatting loads about in depth stuff for ages prior) then it’s pretty easy to be polite but clear, even if you think that’s not what they might be wanting to hear. At this point you owe no one anything (other than politeness) IMO.

Sky if I’d seen this earlier I’d have replied “what do YOU want to do?” I always go for coffee for an hour to 90 mins (in a coffee house or pub/bar) and I never drink. But that’s only because that’s what makes me comfortable. Sounds like you’ve chosen the better option for you 👍🏻

Hope both the dates are brilliant.

Oh and I’m pretty sure Vet is having a marvellous time

Nothing from Mr Music as expected. Why can't people just say I don't want to go for dinner like I asked you to a few days ago lol - it's not that bloody difficult!

cold I'm 45 and my upper limit is 57! If I set it to 50, I wouldn't get many dates! Though I have seen a few 45/46/47 yr olds they've all been too young or at a totally different life stage. Like love I think it is, I can't do young kids anymore!

So that was actually good. He's my type, we got on well. Im not crushing hard but theres definitely attraction there. Couple of things tho, our kid free weekends are opposite and we actually live in different cities....sigh

@daffo I've no idea why people don't just say it like it is. Especially since you can just text it.

@Pookie maybe he's doing the preemptive binning off.

super how far apart are the cities? Is during the week meeting up possible going forward?

@cake it's not too bad plenty of people do it as a commute and yeah mid week is a possibility....so it's definitely not out of the question!