Dating Thread 139: clowns swiping left to me, jokers to the right...

[Pringlecat]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Question about the FWB thing. I don't think I will put on my profile that I am looking for a FWB because as @pookie says, it's different for us guys I can't imagine it would attract the right women and I still think of it a bit sleazy for a guy. Plus when guys say it to me it just screams that they want sex whereas I actually think of myself as a good person and would want and be able to offer the friendship part on top of that.

I guess whilst I am looking for a relationship I guess I would be happy with a FWB scenario to tide me over I suppose as lets me honest, intimacy is so nice.

How would I answer the question 'What are you looking for?' if a woman asks me when I'm in this situation?

rich, when I get asked that question I always respond with...”ideally I am looking for a relationship but I know that’s not a easy thing to find, if I make new friends whilst looking then that’s great too”.

I don’t think many people go online looking for a FWB, there are a few profiles I read that say “just looking for a bit of fun and see where it goes” and I tend to avoid those, I like the thought that a relationship is a possibility and I don’t like the thought of someone just looking for sex as it probably means they are having it with several people at once.

Daffo thanks, my friends are trying to get me to go on Tinder again. But I feel that once I've swiped everyone and got no matches then there's little point of keeping my profile. No one new will see me as I don't go back on the app once I've run out of people to swipe.

Love too many red flags with Mr Beard. I'd move on.

Rich I go with a similar answer to the one Love uses. Something like 'not a hookup but not a new husband. Somewhere in between. Dates and friends and see where it leads'.

Thanks guys :)

Runs luckily I have other irons to keep me busy, I might just meet Mr Beard to scratch my itch (as an experiment to see if younger men are better in bed). I also have a few matches on Tinder that look interesting. Keeping my options open.

@Lovemusic33 're the kids question. A mate of mine when first single and stared dating didn't put kids on her profile. Her intention was to go out having flings and nothing serious and she said putting kids down hampered it...and why should anyone need to know. It's got a certain logic to it but if he's saying he's out for a relationship I'd definitely question that if he lies about kids.

Thank you wise ones for all your advice. I guess I'll spend on Bumble and see what that turns up. That's my weekend sorted Good luck to all those with actual real life dates this weekend.

@violetmottershed I know when swiping there was an ad for a free two weeks so maybe wait if you want for free

super I can see why someone wouldn’t put t down, tbh I wouldn’t have been talking to him if I know he had a very young child. I asked him why he lied but he just said that he made the profile quickly whilst drunk, he also said “well I have been honest since we have been talking” . I guess my main concern was him still living with his ex (because he said she had taken his car) but he says they don’t live in the same house and told me I could go to his house to prove it. I’m extra cautious after dating someone who was still living with his wife. The fact he has only been single 9 months worries me. I know I dated quite soon after splitting with my ex husband but I wasn’t ready too.

I think I’m going to meet Mr Tall next week but a bit worried as he seems to possible have some health issues, I don’t think he has a car either.

Why is it so hard to find someone who is emotionally and financially stable with not much baggage (I know we all have some)?

Hello all

Still following this wonderful thread. Learned so much, laughed and winced at some of the stories.

After a string of universally crappy dates (7 since January through GSM), I have my first Bumble date with Mr GorgeousSwissMan tomorrow. He only posted one picture and said nothing about himself but I was struck by how gentle and kind his beautiful face looked. We matched and exchanged a few messages last night and we will meet in a C London park tomorrow. OMG I can’t wait! I told him in our messages I’m a single mum and that I would totally understand if he changed his mind and he was fine. Seems very down to earth and starts his messages with binour or merci.

Please weather hold up for us.

Vet - I’m totally in love with your Mr Canada story.

*bonjour rather.

Hello everyone. Just popping on to say hello and to wish everyone well. I haven't been on this thread for a long time.

After getting my heart well and truly broken about a year ago, I took time off from dating. So there was an epic famine....

I've been on a few dates with different blokes, finally shagged one of them, (he was outrageously attractive but a bit of a dick. I didn't mind, I wasn't playing for keeps), but now I think I've met someone kinda special. Early days but we seem to really like each other. Fingers crossed.....!

I've just been catching up and I misread @vixen as saying "and remember, you are the pizza" and now I can't stop laughing

@Lovemusic33 it never crossed my mind that someone might actually be living with their ex and actively dating....what the hell posesses some people tl do that. Sorry to hear you experienced it. Truly flabberghasting.

@subspace. I could well have written that to be fair..... I type too quickly and never check my messages.... 🤣😂

😂 you defo wrote prize, it was just my brain

Mr penpal not really taking the hint of me backing off, is keeping in touch and being lovely. Need to have the are we meeting or just penpals chat, but headache last night and this morning so don't really feel up to it. Last night he said he's got some 12 hour shifts coming up and I wanted to give his head a wobble and tell him it looks like he doesn't have time for a relationship and I don't have time to get RSI smiled politely and said poor you that must be tough. I'm clearly not ready to bin this one off just yet for whatever reason but it's coming soon I think

Trying to get other irons in the fire, but it's slow

rich
I am actually a normal woman just looking for sex - I know I'm quite rare as loads of guys have said they cant believe that's all I am looking for but its true.

I have just come out of a long marriage and just want to have some fun.

I am on OKCupid and I have put that I am looking for hook ups (I hate that word), short term dating and friendship but really its just the hook ups I want.

A lot of guys have all the options on their profile and some have long term dating only, if these ones message me I always make clear that I am only looking for an FB and usually they say they are happy with that.
I assume they are thinking like you and are worried about putting women off?

I understand that the majority of women are looking for a relationship so I don't think it hurts to cover all bases.

Just to be clear, if it looks like I am going to meet up with a guy I always mention that I don't do exclusive so they get the message that I am having sex with other guys.
I cant stand liars so would rather be honest from the outset.

@Lovemusic33 I was chatting to a lovely guy for a while until he mentioned that he still lives with his ex. I'm sure it's all above board etc but been there more than once when I was younger and it got really messy and both times i was the only person who got deeply hurt.

SortingItOut I know loads of women who just want fwb too. In fact I've been that woman many times over the years, just currently I want a little bit more.
I think it's fab that more women are being open about this and I really hope it can educate men not to lie about it, saying they want a relationship in order to have sex.
This is so hurtful to the women who actually do want more and are taken in by their bullshit.
If more adults were open about our sexual needs then maybe there wouldn't be so many hurt and confused people trying to decipher text messages and wondering why they've been cruelly ghosted.

In response to the 'living with the ex' comments. As you know, I do.
I didn't put it on my profile but I mentioned it on the first date. It didn't put any off (but then again I suspect most were only after a hook-up). Those that were genuinely after a relationship were a bit sceptical but once I explained that my ex was cool with me dating and would be civil if they came round and he was still here, they accepted it. Indeed, my ex did meet a few and it was ok.
However, double standards I know, I don't think I'd like to hear that from a guy unless he was prepared to let me meet the ex.

I also don't mention my children in any profile - obviously I'm for casual sex only so to me its not relevant.

My children are older as in teenage and young adult so they don't hinder my ability to get and about much!!

During chats I will sometimes mention that I have 2 older kids but no one has been put off so far.

dragon that's why I'm worried, been there before with someone still living with the ex. Would much rather date someone who has been living independently for a year or so rather than someone recently separated with young children.

Mr VW revealed last night that he is living with his mother, I did kind of guess that and TBH it doesn't bother me too much (better than living with your ex).

I possibly have a date tomorrow with Mr Navy who I met on tinder a while ago.

I'm not sure if Thursdays date with Mr Beard will go ahead, if it does it will jist be a sex date.

I have a new iron but he also has a bit of baggage, 2 young children who live with him full time. He seems really sweet though and we share a hobby so I might meet up with him even of its just as friends.

I think I'm going to struggle to fit people in this week so I will have to prioritise by maybe making a chart. It's also getting confusing talking to so many at once.

TooOld I would find it really awkward dating someone and going over their house with there ex living there. I wouldn't date anyone living with their ex what ever the reason was but that's just me.

sorting I think it's different when your kids are older and almost look after themselves. Mr Beard has a 18 month old baby and his ex still seems to be boasting him around, taking his car and even phoned him whilst I was with him, yet he only seems to have contact with the child once a week (though I maybe wrong).

@TooOldForThis67 sorry. It honestly never occurred to me that this would be a possibility...dating, living with ex, and everything being fine. I lived with mine for a year after the split and I couldn't possibly have done it and I wouldn't have been cool if he did either. I think if folk are up front about it fair enough.

@lovemusic, I'm loving the idea of a chart !!! Sadly I'm not juggling that many so no need for a chart here, I wish 😂.

Someone I was chatting to ages ago has popped up saying he went quiet as he went on a few dates with someone and didn't feel right.

Fwb over this week. I'm missing him a bit so that will be good.

Nothing else to report !

I think I’m going to make a chart tomorrow. I now have more irons.

Mr Tall seems really sweet and wants to meet me, I am worried that he doesn’t have a car, it could be a issue. I have been chatting to him all night (mainly talking about cats).

Mr Marathon (old iron, should be called Mr head fuck) messaged me tonight after nothing for a month. He really confuses me.

POF and Tinder seem to be providing me with lots of irons and lots of idiots.