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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

his drinking is breaking my heart

134 replies

infelicity · 31/08/2018 00:40

And when i try to talk with him about it he tells me he doesn't need a lecture and to take my problems somewhere else. When i come home from work with the kids he's drunk, not nasty drunk, but it's not funny anymore. He works horrible shifts in fairness, but now it really feels like he's drinking so he doesn't have to spend time with me.

With everyone else he's gorgeous, funny, easy going. With me he doesn't even pretend now. We've been together three nearly four years and honestly at first i couldn't believe my luck. He brought so much joy into my life after grim, loveless marriage. I am so twisted up with it all, worrying about him. Feel so worthless and rejected: If he loved me he wouldn't choose another can every time. And too ashamed to talk to anyone, like i would be betraying him and showing the world how useless i am.

This is incoherent, I'm sorry. It's such a tangle, for me. When he wants to be he's a total sweetheart, but we're trapped in a vicious ugly circle of him wanting to drink, me hating it and him hating me for not just "ignoring" the fact that he's rarely sober. I don't know how to get either (any) of us out of this mess.

OP posts:
Bodear · 31/08/2018 00:44

I feel for you; I really do. I am an ex-problem drinker and the best advice I can give you is to go to al anon. You may not think he’s an alcoholic, you may think that al anon is not your thing, but it will take a couple of hours and what do you have to lose? Good luck.

infelicity · 31/08/2018 01:00

Thank you, bodear. Your words feel very kind and I'm glad of them. Glad too that you're an "ex". I've looked up local al anon meetings a few times but never found the courage. But I'm desperate to do something to make sense of what's happening, to stop feeling so distressed, angry, confused.

OP posts:
Bodear · 31/08/2018 01:56

I know it’s scary but when you think about it, it can’t be any worse than what you’re living through. I think you’ll find understanding and some wisdom at al anon, even if you choose never to go back.

fattyboomboomboom · 31/08/2018 02:07

OP - ex-alky here 6 years sober. The only advice I can give you is to save your breath. You really cannot make a drinker stop no matter what you say. Most of my friends and family are ex-drinkers, it's absolutely do-able. My DF is 50 years sober and the best man in the world.

lifebegins50 · 31/08/2018 02:58

Is he the dc's father? Does he drink whilst looking after them?

I would not stay as you can't change him. Start telling people.

infelicity · 31/08/2018 03:40

There's a meeting this monday evening, bodear, i will go for sure, thank you.

Boom boom, i try to save my breath, but it's no life / no relationship to exist like this. If it's do-able, then there must be something that makes the difference? Unfortunately, for me, it seems I'm of such little value that i can be sacrificed along the way. I hate how self pitying that sounds, but it's the interpretation that makes sense. 6 years sober: I'm impressed, what tipped it for you?

Life begins, no he's not dcs' dad, but dd2 in particular is very fond of him. My mum always tells me how "good" he is with them. Two weeks ago he looked after them for 3 hours while i went on colleague's leaving do. I got home, he's proper drunk, dc watching TV. I was raging. As he said "nothing happened, kids were fine" but i can't see how that's okay. So no, we live together as a family, but he's definitely no babysitter.

OP posts:
BikeRunSki · 31/08/2018 03:55

YY to Al Anon.

noego · 31/08/2018 07:08

He loves alcohol more than he loves you and the DC's. The environment is no place for DC's. Do not try to fix him, it will be the death of you. Get out of there and leave him to it.

buddhasbelly · 31/08/2018 07:15

Hi OP another recovering alcoholic here, that "something that makes the difference" is that an addict has to want to stop and to stop for themselves. No amount of broken promises to family, friends, employers will get some to stop drinking.

Stopping drinking is only the beginning of a journey, there is a huge difference between not drinking and having a sober mind. A dry drunk is no more fun to live with than an active alcoholic.

The desire to stop drinking has to come from the person themselves, no one else. From what you've written he does not have that desire today.

I second Al anon for support.

Getting sober is doable but only if someone is prepared to put in the work and accept they are an alcoholic.

Flowers
crazydoglady6867 · 31/08/2018 07:18

Aww I feel for your whole family, you can’t leave him you love him and he is ill, you need help though and al anon is a great place to start, they will give you a place to talk and help you deal with his alcoholism. As a starter, If this was me, I would get home and gather your children and take them out for a walk, always ask him if he would like to come, he won’t, but don’t exclude him, that will give you time to talk to the children, if they are old enough to understand. They may have stuff they want to say to you. I hope this advice is right it is what my mum did with us when she got in and my dad was drunk again, but that was 50 years ago do advice may have changed I suppose.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 31/08/2018 07:18

Infelicity

This relationship is well and truly over now because his relationship is with alcohol and not you.

What do you get out of this relationship now?. What is in this still for you because its another crap relationship you are now in and now yet another you will have to extricate yourself from.

Love your own self for a change OP, your ex did not and now this man does not either. His primary relationship is with alcohol and not you. He loves the drink more than you even if you do figure on his priority list which you do not. He like many alcoholics as well is in denial of his drink problem. Your words are white noise to him and he does not want to know.

Are you codependent in relationships?. You sound it absolutely which made it also for this bloke to target you now. Infact you were targeted anyway by him. Your ex was also abusive and this man is no better honestly either for you or your children. Was there much of a gap between your marriage ending and this man now?. I think you were targeted when you were really vulnerable and you remain so now. DO not continue to sacrifice your own self and that of your kids on the altar of his alcoholism.

My guess too is that you did not get enough or adequate support after leaving your abusive marriage and this made you even more vulnerable to the approaches from this alcoholic. You are not valueless but between them your ex and this man have made you feel this way. They are the ones who are not worth it here and you cannot help anyone like your current man now. He does not want your help or support; he just wants you around so you can further enable him and his associated drinking. You are also playing out roles associated to his alcoholism and your kids are picking up on all this as well. Even your mother enables him and you certainly cannot leave your kids in his so called "care" any longer. You are no family unit and what you describe is utterly awful for your children to be witness to.

He will break more than your heart if you remain with him; he will break you utterly and take your children down with him into his pit. Surely they deserve a better role model too.

What do you want your children to remember about their childhoods, surely not this. What sort of a stepfather figure is he to these children anyway?. They certainly do not need or warrant an alcoholic in their lives and nor do you; this is yet another poor and abusive male role model they have been introduced to.

You really do need to contact Womens Aid and enrol yourself onto their Freedom Programme. It is for those who have been previously abused. Your ex messed with your head and boundaries and as a result you've also let this drunk into your lives now.

Longer term you need to look at exactly why these two men were chosen by you at all, you should look at counselling and unravel all this properly. What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up, from the briefest of snapshots of your mother it may well be that she also taught you a lot of crap about relationships when you were growing up.

YY to Al-anon, you really do need to go to those meetings and start further educating yourself about alcoholism. And no you cannot protect your children from the realities of his drink problem either.

Your mother here is not worth paying attention to (did she happen to like your ex as well and/or tell you how good he was with them?). Her words are meaningless.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 31/08/2018 07:23

What crazydoglady wrote will not work so please do not act on that at all. Love is simply not enough in such situations and besides which this man loves alcohol more than you.

Of course you can leave and you should do so as well!. You have a choice here re this man and your children do not.

Do not keep on doing your own bit here re his alcoholism. You are actually playing out the usual roles associated with the non alcoholic; those of codependent, enabler and provoker (because you never forget). Yours is a chaotic existance and will remain so as long as this man is in your lives in any way shape or form.

You are woefully underqualified to help him as well as being over invested. He anyway does not want your help or support.

You need to get this man out of your day to day lives now. Its well and truly over. How can you be helped in doing this?.

Bodear · 31/08/2018 07:39

I agree that the advice from crazydoglady whilst I’m sure she means well, is not appropriate. That’s no way for your kids to live. Yes your dp is ill but sacrificing your life and your kids’ lives won’t help him in any way.

Promiseme · 31/08/2018 08:14

You’re not married and he’s not the dc’s father? I don’t think he should be living with you and the children.

NadiaLeon · 31/08/2018 08:56

Al Anon - I know it takes courage to go, but you will meet other women in the same situation, and they will provide great advice and support for you.
Please go, for your children's sake if nothing else.

hellsbellsmelons · 31/08/2018 09:18

I agree with PP.
He should not be around your DC.
This is a terrible model for your DC.
He's an alcoholic. Plain and simple.
He is bringing you down.
He is making you feel like shit.
You don't need this and neither do your DC.
Go to the meeting on Monday and take it from there.
But you have no real ties to this man.
Put your DC first and don't allow this to affect them too.
Because it will!!!
They need a happy mum. Not an anxious person who leaves them with an alcoholic.
Time to pull up your big girl pants.
Time to realise, this is not OK.

pointythings · 31/08/2018 09:20

Please go to Al-Anon. They will help you establish boundaries and learn to cope.

And you cannot stay with this man, no matter how much you love him. He loves alcohol more than you and until he is ready to stop, he will only make you more and more miserable. Alcohol wrecked my marriage and ended up killing my H before the divorce could come through - I'm mopping up the fallout and will be for some considerable time. Don't do that to yourself or your DCs.

Wolfiefan · 31/08/2018 09:21

You didn't cause it.
You can't cure it.
You can't control it.
You are wasting your time. Every time he drinks he's showing you that the alcohol matters more than you. Listen.
He needs to go. You can't make him change.

beeefcake · 31/08/2018 09:24

I'm sorry OP. I've never been in your position by my father was an alcoholic so I know the pain it causes.

One thing I can tell you is my mother fought for years with him, which leads to a constant cycle of broken promises and disappointment.

He needs to come to this decision on your own, and if he can't then all you can do is remove yourself from the situation because you deserve more. I'm so sorry Thanks

infelicity · 31/08/2018 09:51

thank you so much, everyone, for your kindness and wisdom. it helps so much and i can't tell you how much i appreciate being heard and communicated with about this.

attila, your words are so accurate it's frightening. especially the vulnerability, feelings of worthlessness and dependency.

i have been to the doctor's this morning, unrelated, but just broke down in tears about it all. the doctors were brilliant, really listened to me too and understood what i was saying.

at work now, so have to focus and stop weeping. but i am so grateful for such strong, engaged advice. it resonates and tells me the truth. i hope i can come back later and talk some more. thank you.

OP posts:
beeefcake · 31/08/2018 10:25

Well done for going to the doctors. Sometimes when you are fighting so much for someone else you forget to take care of your own wellbeing. Xxxx

crappyday2018 · 31/08/2018 11:00

Hi OP. I recently ended things with an alcoholic. We'd only been together 7/8 months but I did ignore/brush under the carpet the signs for a while.
I have 2DC and it was for them that I ended things. Their Uncle died of alcholism and it was horrible to watch. No way was I putting them through that again.
If you can't leave him for you, do it for your DC. With any luck, ending things with him might be the rock bottom he needs to get help.

fattyboomboomboom · 31/08/2018 11:51

OP - I feel bad saying this as a fellow alcoholic but I would leave him. I believe I should help my brother/sister sufferer still in chains but that wouldn't include sharing any domestic space with a drinker, at all. On the flip side there is my DF who DM stayed with and they are still together 50 years later. But he was truly sincere in giving up and asked her to help him, she promptly booked him into hospital and he never once wavered. I've never wavered in my sobriety either as it was something I desperately and sincerely wanted.

BadBear · 31/08/2018 12:43

Consider having a chat with DrugFam - They have a national free Helpline and are a small charity just focusing on the friends and family of substance abusers and have a lot of experience with these situations. They are very practical so they can help you move forward and they are just there to listen. Just remember to look after yourself first. You can't run on empty.

infelicity · 31/08/2018 21:59

Thank you again for sharing your understanding and experiences. He was sober when i came home and I've tried talking to him calmly, reasonably etc. But you are all 100% right, he's totally checked out of the relationship. I feel like such a fool, in my stupid heart i somehow hoped he'd declare undying love, promises to change, acknowledgement of all the badness. But no, it's all me making a problem and he's going to move out tomorrow "if that's what you want". I feel so worthless. The only thing keeping him here was fact that he could use my house like a pub. How can I get to this stage in my life and have fucked up so so badly?

OP posts:
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