And when i try to talk with him about it he tells me he doesn't need a lecture and to take my problems somewhere else. When i come home from work with the kids he's drunk, not nasty drunk, but it's not funny anymore. He works horrible shifts in fairness, but now it really feels like he's drinking so he doesn't have to spend time with me.
With everyone else he's gorgeous, funny, easy going. With me he doesn't even pretend now. We've been together three nearly four years and honestly at first i couldn't believe my luck. He brought so much joy into my life after grim, loveless marriage. I am so twisted up with it all, worrying about him. Feel so worthless and rejected: If he loved me he wouldn't choose another can every time. And too ashamed to talk to anyone, like i would be betraying him and showing the world how useless i am.
This is incoherent, I'm sorry. It's such a tangle, for me. When he wants to be he's a total sweetheart, but we're trapped in a vicious ugly circle of him wanting to drink, me hating it and him hating me for not just "ignoring" the fact that he's rarely sober. I don't know how to get either (any) of us out of this mess.