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Original poster

My husband cheated my with an escort

131 replies

Desp1980 · 28/08/2018 10:15

I’m married with my DH for 10 years and we have 2 beautiful children. Two days ago I found a message in his phone with a woman’s name, address and web page. It seemed he visited an escort and when I questioned him regarding this message he denied everything saying that it never happened. I visited the webpage mentioned in the message and I discovered a review which it seemed to be written by him. In this review he wrote that he doesn’t find me attractive anymore because I have put weight but at least he wrote that he loves me. What should I do? Should I forgive or divorce him?

OP posts:
Witchofwisteria · 28/08/2018 10:19

How heart breaking for you to read something so unkind. Nobody on here can tell you what you should do. You need to sit down with DH and both decide how you feel about each other and what you want in life.

Don't consign yourself to a life of misery though, whatever you decide.

SilverHairedCat · 28/08/2018 10:24

He's paid a prostitute for sex.

If you can forgive that, and be intimate with him again, crack on.

But insist on a full STD work up. Get yourself checked out too. Do not believe its the only time it has happened, because the chances of that are slim to none.

What a bastard. How do you feel?

RatRolyPoly · 28/08/2018 10:25

Flowers OP. I have to say I doubt this was the only time. If he's confident enough to leave a review he's not a first-timer.

That's not to say you shouldn't do whatever it is you feel is right for you, just that you should make your decisions based on that likelihood. And, well, to me... it's more than a likelihood.

ElegantS · 28/08/2018 10:26

That's really sad. How do you know the review written was about you?

Thingsdogetbetter · 28/08/2018 10:27

I won't be jumping to a LTB from a message TO the OP's husband and a review that SEEMS to be from him. The my wife has put on weight and I don't fancy her is very generic and probably what 50% of men's excuses for using hookers.

He has denied he went to see her, but what has he said about the message? Is there a message TO her first?. Was it forwarded to him from someone else? To get a random message from a hooked is odd, emails I can see as spam. Is it a work (ie in the public domain) or personal number?

Original poster
Desp1980 · 28/08/2018 10:31

The name of the girl and date on the message on his phone correspond to the reviewer's girl and date

OP posts:
RatRolyPoly · 28/08/2018 10:32

I will say as well, if you want to do some digging I'd check his Whatsapp call history and his normal call history. If he has any volume of calls to mobile numbers not saved in his contacts... that's not good. You could try Googling them; maybe 1 in 10-20 will be findable on the internet I would guess.

Also, if he's in the habit of showering as soon as he gets home from work/going out... I'd use that as some sort of gauge on frequency too.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

ElegantS · 28/08/2018 10:40

OP then there is no doubt about him seeing her. The best thing to do is to let some time to pass and don't take any decisions now that you can regret in the future. Remember that you have 2 children and any decisions taken will effect them. Out of curiosity can you tell us what exactly he wrote in the review?

Original poster
Desp1980 · 28/08/2018 10:44

ElegantS Quote "Dear Aurora Escorts, Thank you for arranging this meeting with Lavinia. I’m married for 10 years and although I love my wife, our sex life has deteriorated in the last couple of years to an extent that we only have sex once in 6 months. The reason is that she has put a lot of weight and I find her unattractive. I needed a way to escape and Lavinia was the perfect choice. She is tall and slim exactly how my wife was 3 years ago and time spend with her was fantastic. I understand that what I did was not moral but I think has saved my marriage."

OP posts:
preggersx · 28/08/2018 10:47

How awful op. There is clearly no denying it, you have the evidence and all you need to prove it which is something at least - not helpful I know but there's so many of these threads where the op knows about an escort but simply cannot prove it.

Take some time to think about your next steps. It's easy for me to say but I'd never forgive. The words would be too hurtful and I can guarantee that you will deserve better than this.

Original poster
Desp1980 · 28/08/2018 10:48

SilverHairedCat I feel very angry and depressed. My world has collapsed. I can't believe he did that to me

OP posts:
SweetnessIWasOnlyJoking · 28/08/2018 10:50

Gross. Hope he looks like a model after writing that! I just can't understand why men look at a woman's battle worn post-baby body and be turned off, but they expect us to fawn over their dicks as if we're staring at some kind of golden anaconda.

Original poster
Desp1980 · 28/08/2018 10:50

RatRolyPoly I don't need to dig any deeper. I know that he did it but he is just denying everything.

OP posts:
Thingsdogetbetter · 28/08/2018 10:51

Are the dates, 10 years, 6 months, correct?? Did you ask for full access to phone and emails?

Was really hoping it was just sent to a wrong number! Should have known better than to be optimistic! Dam

hellsbellsmelons · 28/08/2018 10:52

For me, escorts / prostitutes is an absolute deal-breaker.
But everyone is different.

Have you put on a lot of weight recently?
Not that that excuses him 'paying' for sex with someone else.
For me that shows just how much respect he has for women - i.e. NONE at all!!!

1st stop for you is the GUM / SHAW clinic.

RatRolyPoly · 28/08/2018 10:57

I know Desp, I know you know with absolute certainty what he's done.

His denying is neither here nor there if you're going to leave him anyway.

Perhaps you should tell him that. That you don't know what decision you would make if he were at least honest, but that him looking you in the eye and lying to your face is an absolute deal-breaker and that is he doesn't come to you with complete warts-and-all honesty he may as well pack his bags right now. Because he will be out on his ear.

Then, if it does indeed make a difference to you, or if there's any chance it could, at least you have a hope of getting his admission. You can still kick him out if you so wish, but I know how it feels to want to do everything you can to get them to say the words.

And even then, like I say, I doubt it will be the whole truth, mostly because I doubt this was the first time. I imagine there was at least substantial porn use etc. before hand.

SilverHairedCat · 28/08/2018 11:02

That's a VERY weirdly worded message.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 28/08/2018 11:04

I don’t know how you could move on from him cheating with a sex worker but there’s also the fact that he did this just because you gained weight (presumably from carrying his children). So what did he think would happen to your body when you got pregnant? What happens when you’re 50, 60, 80 years old? Are you supposed to look like a slim 20 year old then? Or does he intend to spend the rest of his life “saving his marriage” by giving your family money to escorts?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 28/08/2018 11:09

Am so sorry, he has truly trashed his marriage here by his actions and you will now need a STD test at a GUM clinic.

I would be asking him to leave because you in all honesty now need time and space away from him.

Would he be as forgiving of you, I doubt it very much.

Electrascoffee · 28/08/2018 11:23

Iwasjustabouttosaythat - I very much agree with you. Personally I couldn’t get past this. I’m sorry for you op, you sound heartbroken.

cakecakecheese · 28/08/2018 11:32

How can you forgive someone who hasn't even asked for forgiveness? Hell, he hasn't even admitted it.

LinoleumBlownapart · 28/08/2018 11:41

That's a VERY weirdly worded message.

Yes leaving a negative comment about his wife on the website of an escort?!

That's really weird. What's he looking for? A bastards support group?

HappyStripper · 28/08/2018 11:47

I know this is not exactly any consolation but I do really think he still loves you. It’s not an emotional affair, just a purely physical one. I always find it strange that cheating with a sex worker is seen as somehow more appalling.

If you feel like you could still continue with your marriage and recover you need an in-depth conversation about your sex life, it’s not something you can just put aside and hope everything turns out alright. I feel like if people were more honest about attraction and sex etc. marriages would be much stronger and cheating much less common.

SweetnessIWasOnlyJoking · 28/08/2018 11:50

I have a suspicion that he is initially denying it now but he wont be able to do that forever. When he starts to realise his lie is shit, he will say that he he did contact her but never went through with it (ask me how I know) and that he left a fake review that he knew you would see because he was too embarrassed to talk to you about your sex life face-to-face (ask me how I know that too)

Wait for the denial phase to blow over and he will switch to blame shifting. 'I know it wasn't the right thing to do but you get so angry when I try to talk to you about sex and I just need to feel loved. It's not okay that you dismiss my needs.'

Electrascoffee · 28/08/2018 11:54

'I always find it strange that cheating with a sex worker is seen as somehow more appalling. '

Oh sure, it's so much better than having an affair. Your husband shows that as well as cheating he also thinks women's bodies are something he can buy. Hmm

An ex of mine told me that he had paid a prostitute while with his wife because he 'just wanted a different body'. It's a completely unacceptable attitude and excuses nothing.