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Original poster

My husband cheated my with an escort

131 replies

Desp1980 · 28/08/2018 10:15

I’m married with my DH for 10 years and we have 2 beautiful children. Two days ago I found a message in his phone with a woman’s name, address and web page. It seemed he visited an escort and when I questioned him regarding this message he denied everything saying that it never happened. I visited the webpage mentioned in the message and I discovered a review which it seemed to be written by him. In this review he wrote that he doesn’t find me attractive anymore because I have put weight but at least he wrote that he loves me. What should I do? Should I forgive or divorce him?

OP posts:
sparklyandhungover · 29/08/2018 15:53

Divorce !! And then loose weight make him suffer ...

bethy15 · 29/08/2018 15:59

Divorce !! And then loose weight make him suffer ...

Surely just live well and make him suffer.

OP is probably gorgeous, just as she is. Just because she doesn't look like a prostitute does not mean she isn't beautiful and desirable.

RatRolyPoly · 29/08/2018 15:59

I'm sorry, I have nothing against escorts (former lap-dancer myself), but seeing escorts doesn't save marriages. Seeing escorts allow men to avoid learning the grown-up skills of communication, conflict resolution, self-control and putting the needs of others first. And sometimes it even sees them fail to learn how to face up to their problems and take steps to better their lives for the good of themselves and everyone around them.

And what does it do to women? It keeps them unwittingly married to useless, infantile "men" who think nothing of removing a woman's agency over her sexual health and think at best that "consent" is when a woman says yes, regardless of how much you've lied to her or paid her to achieve it.

Thebluedog · 29/08/2018 16:00

OP it doesn’t matter what size you are, if you were slimmer, younger, given him more attention, given him a bj every day, spent more money on him, he’d still have done it, he did it because he’s a cunt, and no matter how slim you are, he’ll still be a cunt.

If you are 100% sure he’s done this, then he needs to admit it and work with you, IF you want to make your marrige work. If not, then use this time to get yourself sorted, and leave.

TheVanguardSix · 29/08/2018 16:16

Yes bethy it occurred to me after the fact that you could copy and paste the review. It wouldn’t come into most people’s minds to nose around like ElegantS did and then re-post it with the escort’s photo for all to see. Confused

Anyway, weird review. Very wordy and detailed for a married man when discretion is, I’d assume, the order of the day when hooking up with an escort. I sincerely hope the OP’s DH never followed through with this and it’s just some agency tool boosting site ratings.

Newerversion · 29/08/2018 16:35

How beautifully put, Ratrolypoly!

Newerversion · 29/08/2018 20:19

Can I add to Rolyply’s points that it also destroys so many women’s self esteem and their ability to trust a man who apparently ‘loves them’
Whilst I have nothing against escorts (who choose their job) I refuse to hold them up as some sort of selfless marriage savers. They are merely a way for men to get what they want without having to actually put in any effort or have any regard for the female body as anything but a thing they can buy and use.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 29/08/2018 20:26

He’s a sleazy selfish shit and I bet he’s no chiselled sex god either. Because he paid For sex, it’s not like women flung themselves at his body on the street. Men really do delude themselves. I’m sorry OP. You deserve better.

SandyY2K · 29/08/2018 20:45

Actually I've heard the same said by OWs having affairs. That MM says she (the affair) makes the marriage bearable.

My response is if you want to know if he's genuine about loving you stop sleeping with him and make his marriage unbearable...then see if he leaves her.

I couldn't be with a man who paid for sex...then wrote a review. Na.

Electrascoffee · 29/08/2018 21:17

I hope the OP is ok and has not been scared off by people thinking she isn't genuine.

compostcorner · 29/08/2018 22:18

its easy for people on here to say leave him because he cheated, but those people have probably never been in that situation, i am a man and i have been with an escort for sex, the reason being my wife has refused me sex for 10 years, apart from the lack of sex our relationship is great, and i really do love her, but there comes a point when you have to do something about it or things will just get out of control, so i decided to get rid of all that pent up anxiety and stress by visiting an escort, afterwards i felt no guilt, i got all that sexual frustration out of my system and went back to my wife, and i stopped nagging her about our lack of sex, i know most of you will say i"m a naughty boy, some of you will say i have a good reason to leave her, and some of you would like to call me a lot of bad names, and thats fine, i can deal with that, i just hope that some of you in your perfect little lives dont find yourself in the same situation, it is really hard to deal with, if the person you love dont want to sleep with you, not even for a cuddle, and you start wondering if she still fancies you, or is she having an affair, i dealt with it in my own way, and i can live with that.

SilverHairedCat · 29/08/2018 22:23

@compostcorner Why on earth didn't you end your loveless marriage rather than pay prostitutes? Why is paying for access to sex ok? You'd have done better, for you, to leave your wife and find someone who loved you and where the love was freely given.

Newerversion · 29/08/2018 22:23

Well tell her then. If it is true Lu something you think you needed to do then tell her. Give her the choice about whether that is ok with her. If you are not ok with a sexless relationship then you have the choice to leave. Your marriage is now based on lies. If you are upfront about your paying for sex and she is ok with that then that is a perfect result isn’t it.

Newerversion · 29/08/2018 22:23

Your lack of guilt is very concerning. It says a lot.

Electrascoffee · 29/08/2018 22:24

Compostcorner - you should keep your experiences to yourself.

If your relationship does not work you leave, you don't fuck a sex worker. I'm so angry that you think it's reasonable to try and justify this awful behaviour. Men like you don't want to leave because you don't want to pay child maintenance and you want your washing done and your meals cooked.

Newerversion · 29/08/2018 22:25

Oh and ‘naughty boy’? I think we are all adults here aren’t we?

neverbetrickedagain · 29/08/2018 22:28

OP, I went back to my pre-kids weight after having two kids. I am slim and my body hasn't really changed. And you know what? My husband went to swingers clubs when I was away with kids. He also did some other disrespectful and disgusting things. T

It's not you, it's him.

In the course of our soon-to-be-ended marriage I have lost all affection and respect I had for him, and yet I didn't look around for someone else to shag. Also, I'm sceptical when it comes to getting over those things. We tried counselling. He didn't really make the proper effort. And it kept eating away at me. I believe that you can never find peace with such people. You can't undo these things in your mind. Take some time to think it through, but bear in mind that you live only once so why should it be in misery.

SandyY2K · 29/08/2018 23:45

my wife has refused me sex for 10 years

In all honesty anyone...male or female who refuses sex for a decade (when their spouse wants it) has to know it's not sustainable and shouldn't be suprised they're cheating.

Better to agree an open marriage instead of breaking your wedding vows...or get divorced instead of cheating.

I don't like the thought of payment for sex though.

Electrascoffee · 29/08/2018 23:54

The onus is on one person to say 'I don't want to stay in a sexless marriage, we need to break up' there is no excuse.

Newerversion · 29/08/2018 23:59

Sadly it is often not down to no sex in a relationship but down to sad middle aged men who have watched too much porn and feel entitled to have sex with the sort of woman they see on screen, despite being middle aged, tubby, slightly balding and less than the ‘perfect’ their wives married themselves. I am looking at you stbxh! Of course it will always be put down to their wife having put on weight, let herself go and being disinterested. 🙄

adoggymama · 30/08/2018 00:17

He's a pig- definitely hasn't saved his marriage! (Also what kind of idiot leaves a review on an escorts page??)

Electrascoffee · 30/08/2018 06:32

I agree, Newerversion. It's the same as men who tell the woman they're having an affair with that they don't have sex with their wife any more.

Newerversion · 30/08/2018 07:42

Yes! The cheater's self justification,
Compostcorner, you say you are concerned your wife may be having an affair? seems that worries you? infidelity is upsetting hey? Yet you felt no guilt for doing it yourself.

compostcorner · 30/08/2018 13:28

so i get the fact that although she has refused me sex for 10 years, you are all trying to shift the blame on me, thats ok, your entitled to your opinion, i wont leave her because i genuinely love her, thats why i have stayed with her for 10 years, if a sex scene comes on the tele we have to switch over, if the newsreader is young, attractive and blonde we have to switch over, if we go to a restaurant and theres a young lady in my eyeline we have to move seats, but the older i am getting the hornier i am getting, i visited one escort to get rid of all the frustration, and i know that from reading your posts on here you all have perfect lives and have no idea what it is like to be rejected by your wife and the person you love every single day. and yes, we do talk about it, and all she says is that "i"m only after her body", well i"ve not had her body for 10 years so that statement is a load of rubbish. she says she loves me and if i ever left her she would kill herself...and i believe she would.

category12 · 30/08/2018 13:35

I expect she has her reasons for "refusing you sex". What are they?

NB the wording "refuses me sex" makes it sound like it's something you get from her, not something that's supposed to be mutually enjoyable.

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