In laws turned up to lo nursery

[Beacal72]

First time poster hello 😁

A bit fed up with meddling in laws (mil and sil) they turned up at my lo nursery without telling us to tour it in the of chance they "might" send theirs next year. Despite it being out of their way by miles.

They told us after the fact and didn't seem bothered that the could disrupt our dd during her time there. As they left her there whilst taking her touring cousin home.

We don't leave her with anyone but nursery and we are super strict about her routines as she is bf and took a long time to be reallly happy at nursery. They said she seemed confused they were there. Which is understandable!

My sil was unapologetic and said we ruined her day by challenging not letting us know. They know our parenting style. They know we would have asked the staff to remove our dd before they entered the room to avoid her getting upset.

I'm really heartbroken as all i want to do is protect my daughter, especially when we are at work and she is at nursery. But they say we are in the wrong for being upset. I'm so cross and just hoping im not alone in my despair 😣

This is a just one of a long list of undermining behaviour by the in laws And resentment is building.

LipstickHandbagCoffee Why are you picking on wishing?

And saying someone is being naive is hardly name calling

Advice,A narrative dialogue that generally objective
However overly projecting differs from advice in that’s its not objective

I get you op.

Death of a thousand cuts, no?

Ive been called irrational and ott enough times on this thread and i havent gotten grumpy

Thank you numpty, you got it in one! And each a little more deeper than the one before it! Before you know it you have a festering wound and "irrational responses"

So what do you want to happen,how would you like this to resolve op?
What’s your partner thoughts/reaction to this

LipstickHandbagCoffee OP has said that wishing’s voice is appreciated,so maybe, just maybe, it’s you who is just not getting it?

Is there a deliberate reason you've not answered regarding the child's age?

I understand OP.

It’s obviously not normal to go to a nursery where you know a child relative is going to be and not tell their mum or dad, so like a PP that is telling in itself, as is the fact the nursery is not conveniently located for the ILs

Frankly even though children inevitably go through many upsets a day, there are different kinds and this would upset me too; my LO would think her nanny was there to take her out or to nanny’s house, it would be disruptive and upsetting for her, in her egocentric 2 year old’s mind, to catch a fleeting glimpse of someone she knows and wasn’t expecting to see in that setting. The same as if I went and popped by and then just left again.

Also OP, it’s weird. And it sounds like you do have backstory with them. All you can do is rise above it really, they won’t be looking round again now they’ve seen it surely? Hope you are feeling better. People would call me heartless but I’d drop anyone I felt uncomfortable round WRT my DC because life is too short to be constantly worried or annoyed about people’s influence, and the DC are far too important to go against your intuition for the sake of social etiquette. Probably will get flamed for saying that though

Child is bf and in nursery. It’s fairly obvious her age is in rather a limited range! Why does it matter? It makes no difference. Perhaps OP doesn’t want to say that much on the internet.

you have no credibility with me alphabet Given your boorish post telling me to shut up

VanillaBeans Well said.

He was angry and confused by their behaviour too. We keep them actively involved with our dd so dont understand why they did this.

I would just like to figure out how to address it and make them communicate better in regards to things surrounding our child.
Because as you questioned, my husband has a response to it and is caught between his feelings and keeping his mother and sister happy too. A job that is impossible whilst things like this happen.

I don't disagree that i need to accept some things, i assure you i do, but some things go too far for acceptance. Even if this is not something that would be a red flag for you.

But mostly for support from others who have similar experience.

Is this some sort of special nursery?
A nursery based on religion/vegan/hippy beliefs or something similar?

Something where outsiders would wonder what they are teaching the kids?

LipstickHandbagCoffee is out for a Saturday night fight OP. Ignore.

Ok,so From that you have an understanding of how you both see this
And you need an action plan how to deal with the next inevitable IL thing

LipstickHandbagCoffee It might be better if you were to join another conversation. Your contribution is not really helpful and it seems like you want to derail this one, more than help.

I've never done this before...

No i didn't mean to ommit Age! My mistake, she is a little over 1. So separation anxiety is heightened intermittently.

Vanillabean - thank you i really appreciate this well thought out message.

Alpha,carefully read your posts to me.
The tone is somewhat combative the bit you tell me to shut up for example
By all means continue in that vein if you wish and I of course will post as I wish

Please don’t derail lipstick . This may be entertainment for you but it’s the OP’s life.

LipstickHandbagCoffee Loads of people have told you to shut up! So what?! You are not helping.

You guys are amazing, i was a little taken aback by some of the early responses. Ill admit that i didn't think i would get much support or validation i suppose. but the few positive supportive people have really helped.

Has anyone had any positive stories of making them see your side? Any positive feedback?

Piling in to berate me adds nothing to the op thread,please refrain from going off topic