In laws turned up to lo nursery

[Beacal72]

First time poster hello 😁

A bit fed up with meddling in laws (mil and sil) they turned up at my lo nursery without telling us to tour it in the of chance they "might" send theirs next year. Despite it being out of their way by miles.

They told us after the fact and didn't seem bothered that the could disrupt our dd during her time there. As they left her there whilst taking her touring cousin home.

We don't leave her with anyone but nursery and we are super strict about her routines as she is bf and took a long time to be reallly happy at nursery. They said she seemed confused they were there. Which is understandable!

My sil was unapologetic and said we ruined her day by challenging not letting us know. They know our parenting style. They know we would have asked the staff to remove our dd before they entered the room to avoid her getting upset.

I'm really heartbroken as all i want to do is protect my daughter, especially when we are at work and she is at nursery. But they say we are in the wrong for being upset. I'm so cross and just hoping im not alone in my despair 😣

This is a just one of a long list of undermining behaviour by the in laws And resentment is building.

Not op, op...

pp

The IL are part of your life,you must find a way for it to feel less catastrophic

No she doesn’t. It’s up to them to stop being underhand if they want the OP to continue a relationship.

Actually yes she needs to protect herself from the high expressed emotion and catastrophic reactions
Op can and should regulate her emotions so that she’s not so exhausted
Op can’t control her IL she can control herself,her responses and behaviour

LipstickHandbagCoffee Well she can do that by not seeing her stress causing ils. Simple. Worked for me.

Good for you but don’t impose your solution on to someone else

I can regulate my emotions, i was trying to convey in what i presumed was a safe space how i felt. I haven't blown my top to my ils. Just told them i was disappointed they didnt inform us, calmly as i was at work at the time.

They responsed angrily and confrontational about it. They can't keep themselves in check. Habits are built and broken over time and i dont want my dd to think that people can step over clearly voiced boundaries without it being addressed.

Heehee OP

LipstickHandbagCoffee The OP is free to pick and choose advice as she sees fit. I’m not imposing anything on her unlike her ILs.

Your dd is at nursery,she’s thinking about show & tell. not familial boundaries

Op can’t control her IL she can control herself,her responses and behaviour

Yes and within that powerful remit of control she can choose whether or not to have these people in her life and to what extent.

And her ILs were two bus rides away scheming how to get into the nursery.

You are very naive Lipstick

Don't forget that your daughter was being supervised by nursery staff - although your ILs managed to "get to" her without permission without you being there, you hadn't left her unguarded/vulnerable. Had anything at all untoward been said or done by them towards her, the staff would have been right on it, as they have a duty of care. Nurseries are really quite hot on preventing visitors mixing with the resident children as it is a potential safeguarding nightmare.

"Protect" your DD from what?

Your DDs saw her relatives at nursery - and...?

If she was a little confused - so..? She won't be traumatised will she?

Your SIL etc were being nosey and interfering by visiting the nursery I think ,- but you sound so overly precious about your child you're likely an easy target for them.

Stop fussing yourself and your DD, if you want them to back off a bit then say so.

Hopefully your DD isn't upset by you making a massive mountain out of a molehill

i dont want my dd to think that people can step over clearly voiced boundaries without it being addressed.
Op,your dd is NOT thinking about clearly voiced boundaries,that’s you.and it’s problematic

Put the cousin’s name down at the nursery and send them an advance bill Beacal72, that’ll show them!

Wishing you are massively projecting your own issues here.its not your dilemma

This was a “Fuck You” to the OP, can’t people see that?!

True she is, but this behaviour had escalated since she was Born.
I know ive ommitted providing most the back story, it seems it would be pointless. As mentioned by others its hard to understand if you haven't had similar experience.

They sound irritating, overbearing and stalkerish but talk about being “heartbroken” and in “despair” is ludicrous and OTT. PFB I take it?

It sounds irritating, burn one day of confusion at nursery isn’t going to do your daughter any harm and if the nursery is miles out of their way chances are they won’t use it and were just being nosy.

Lipstick you are trying to shut down a voice that understands. Why?

LipstickHandbagCoffee it’s an advice forum and people are giving advice because they’ve been through it. You obviously haven’t and just want to pick on the OP. Shut up.

Wishing you’re overly projecting your own issues and experience
And in fact you’ve resorting to name calling when disagreed with

Ive already admitted and will apologise for the ott language. Powerless is probably a more accurate reading of how i feel.

Lipstick - not now she isnt, but the line is fuzzy when these start to impact. Like i said habits are built and broken over time.

Wishing - your voice is appreciated here