In laws turned up to lo nursery

[Beacal72]

First time poster hello 😁

A bit fed up with meddling in laws (mil and sil) they turned up at my lo nursery without telling us to tour it in the of chance they "might" send theirs next year. Despite it being out of their way by miles.

They told us after the fact and didn't seem bothered that the could disrupt our dd during her time there. As they left her there whilst taking her touring cousin home.

We don't leave her with anyone but nursery and we are super strict about her routines as she is bf and took a long time to be reallly happy at nursery. They said she seemed confused they were there. Which is understandable!

My sil was unapologetic and said we ruined her day by challenging not letting us know. They know our parenting style. They know we would have asked the staff to remove our dd before they entered the room to avoid her getting upset.

I'm really heartbroken as all i want to do is protect my daughter, especially when we are at work and she is at nursery. But they say we are in the wrong for being upset. I'm so cross and just hoping im not alone in my despair 😣

This is a just one of a long list of undermining behaviour by the in laws And resentment is building.

Bumpitybumper

Because I am the parent, and I like things done in a particular way, which is my right? As it happens, I don't have an issue with my MIL having a few hours with my DD, but I do have an issue with weekly "contact" time or whatever, because we have very different parenting styles and I want my DD raised according to mine, not hers.

And sleepovers aren't necessary at all. My DD is 2 and needs her own bed and feeling of security with her parents at night.

@Pengggwn
I guess it's your legal right but I do think there is point where a parent's moral right to raise their children how they wish and a child's moral right to have a meaningful and important relationship with their wider family can sometimes conflict.

I have a different parenting style than both my parents and my ILs but as their style isn't harmful or dangerous then I think it's my obligation to do what I can to encourage their relationship with my kids. For me this includes making sure they get time alone with each other where they can experience a different dynamic. I had time with my GPs when growing up and although they definitely looked after me and my siblings differently and perhaps objectively some of the things they did weren't brilliant, I really value and cherish that time I had with them.

Bumpitybumper

In time, if she wants it, my DD will have time alone with her GPs, and sleepovers as well. They have an excellent relationship as it is.

And that's on my DH's side. There are other concerns on my side of the family that mean I wouldn't have her sleeping there (smokers and just not altogether very responsible/hands-on).

Thing is the best thing grandparents can do is try to lead good interesting lives so that they can share with the grandchild. It isn't necessary for them to have alone time with babies or ride roughshod over the parents in order to have a close relationship.